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𝗙𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗥𝗼𝗹𝗹-𝗢𝘂𝘁 🛼🍂

𝗕𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗛𝗶𝗽-𝗛𝗼𝗽 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀
Tuesday, September 23rd @ 6:30pm
$22

𝗦𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗰 𝗕𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗥𝗶𝗱𝗲
Monday, October 6th @ 1:30pm
Free - $50 (bike rental)

𝗕𝗮𝗱𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼𝗻 𝗗𝗿𝗼𝗽-𝗜𝗻
Sunday, October 19th @ 3:00pm
Free

&

𝗣𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗗𝗿𝗼𝗽-𝗜𝗻
Saturday, November 8th @ 3:00pm
$10

“Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax.” - Mark Black

It has taken me quite some time to write this post. 𝗜'𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗮𝗰𝗵-𝟱 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 for a few months now, and it’s been so enlightening. I’m deeply pleased with the progress I’ve seen in my physical ability and in my self-image. But 𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗹𝘆, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗲𝘅𝗵𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱. Diving deep into the innermost parts of yourself - the ones that are easy to shy away from and put into a box for “sometime, but not right now” - can be grueling, albeit invisible work.

Add in all the regular day-to-day life challenges of employment, parenthood, partnerhood, and household work, and my metaphorical plate has been overflowing for a bit now. I kept telling myself, “You’ve really got to get around to doing your next update. Content needs to happen on a schedule to be engaging.” Which, to a point, is true. But it’s also true that 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 to be able to fill-up your cup so you're able to pour more into yourself and others. I have needed time to decompress to be able to continue organizing, attending, and processing the activities at all. I knew that if I forced myself to write my experiences when I didn’t have the energy to do so, they wouldn’t come from the place of true vulnerability and authenticity that I have based this project on. I have been repeating to myself what my therapist has repeatedly told me over the years: 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗳 𝗶𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳𝗶𝘀𝗵, 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻. 🌱 So I did it. I have allowed myself space to have moments where I do not move an inch, to let my brain turn-off with hobbies, and to take naps when I was able to. Now that I’ve had that time, I have a few ounces to pour out of my cup, and here’s what I’ve got to say.

𝗥𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿-𝘀𝗸𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 🛼

This was one of the activities I was most excited for. I thought, “I already ice skate very well, how hard could 4-wheels on dry land be?” Well, hard. 𝗘𝗺𝗯𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱! It was significantly different from ice skating, and the entire time I was 0.3 milliseconds away from going arse over kettle on the pavement. I really gave it my best college try, but every time I moved my feet, my legs would just spread farther and farther apart. I may have moved six feet. Actually, that may be generous, I hardly moved at all. We were in a park where there are no walls nor any other kind of support to hold onto to, which made it all the more daunting. The external environment was very pleasant and positive - 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲 𝗼𝗻 and encouraged me to keep going. But I was genuinely terrified I was going to break a bone at any second. After breaking multiple bones in one summer in 2017, I was not feeling brave to stare that possibility in the face despite my protective gear. I almost gave up in the first few minutes. Instead, I traded in the quad skates for in-line skates, praying I’d have an easier time with balance and confidence. However, this was not even remotely an improvement - which shouldn't have been surpising since 𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗜'𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝘆. With each close call, my chronic back injury reared its head, throbbing worse each time. 𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗱𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗼𝗳 "𝗾𝘂𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴," 𝗜 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘂𝗻𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝘆 𝘀𝗸𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱. Twenty minutes of doing the unintentional robot didn’t feel like it counted towards the movement quota I had planned on, so I waited, watching on the sidelines for awhile. Then we agreed to pivot to going on a walk down the boardwalk. I was still feeling a bit dejected about the whole ordeal, when we stumbled into some of my friends who were sitting on the grass watching the rollerskating. We chatted for a bit, and they ended up inviting us to join the country-themed "Dancing In the Park" happening in town the following evening. 𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗱 - 𝘄𝗵𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁? 𝗜 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗜’𝗱 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴.

𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴👢

Yeehaw! I’ve been slowly growing from a certified country hater to tolerating it to actually liking it for some time now. After this? I 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝘁-𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗻’ 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗻. 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗳𝘂𝗻! This is by far the activity I’ve enjoyed the most of every activity we’ve done so far. It was in my wheelhouse enough from my minimal past dance experience that I didn’t struggle too much picking it up. It worked up far more of a sweat than I would’ve imagined, was still challenging, and 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗮 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝘆 with the people around me - both the people I knew and the people I didn’t. Even when it started to pour rain, most people kept grapevining the night away. I would definitely return to this again! 𝗜𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗽𝗼𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗸, 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗸𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗮𝘀.

𝗔𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗳𝗶𝘁 💦

Honestly, this wasn’t one I was looking forward to. My opinion of it was mostly ascertained from the few times I had observed it from across the pool as a child. 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲, 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗹𝘆 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹. I saw in our local recreation guide that classes were offered regularly at the aquatic center, that it was cheap, and I'd read that it’s a very low impact exercise - which my back would definitely appreciate after rollerskating. Plus, I didn’t want to turn my nose up at any activity. 𝗔𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗮 𝗴𝗼 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝗹𝗮𝗺𝗲, 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁? I felt self-conscious waiting at the side of the pool before the instructor arrived. Physically, because I was wearing a bathing suit. Mentally, because most of the attendees already knew each other, didn’t make the first move to talk to me, and most were not my age. I felt like a quiet, sore thumb sticking out while I watched the clock tick until the instructor arrived.

𝗢𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵, 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗮𝗯𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 on the body. Also, you can hardly see anyone’s body while you’re in the water, so I hardly felt self-conscious anymore either. The self-consciousness I did feel was primarily because I didn’t know what I was doing. It basically is Zumba in the water. I chose to go in the deep end to make it harder - and parts of it were definitely challenging. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝘂𝗯𝗯𝗹𝗲 since every movement in the water sends you reeling in the opposite direction. Some of it did feel as silly as I was expecting, like when we used the pool noodles. But the activity itself felt inclusive - 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝘁𝘆𝗽𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲. It was not as gentle of a workout as I expected, and I liked the feeling of being in the water. The calm I felt as I put my head under the water after we were done was lovely. I also 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲. So this was an interesting experience. Even after taking time to sit with it, I’m still not sure what to make of it. I didn’t really like the actual activity much, but the feeling afterwards was one of the best thus far. I guess I’m just chalking it up as “𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝘃𝗲.” I think I’ll have to try it again to really make up my mind.

"𝗛𝗶𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴" 🥾

This just happened a few days ago, and my main lesson I learned was similar to the rollerskating-to-line-dancing pipeline: 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗶𝘃𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗶𝗱 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹.

𝗜 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲. I decided to go to a nearby, gentler trail. I got my workout clothes on, packed my snacks and water, turned on my location for my partner to see in case anything went wrong, gave others details about where I was, when I was leaving, and when I expected to be back. I headed on out!

I immediately was faced with the fact that 𝗜 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗹 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀. The signs were confusing and I used AI to try to figure it out, which felt comically not "nature-y." I didn’t feel confident with where I was going, and then I saw signs that warned of animal activity. I didn’t bring bear spray or bells, and I had wanted to listen to music while I walked. 𝗜 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗻 - I didn’t want to get eaten by a bear while "Take On Me" played in the background. So, I Googled nearby places I could walk that were outside but still urban enough that I could feel safer and listen to my tunes for my 𝗛𝗼𝘁 𝗚𝗶𝗿𝗹 𝗪𝗮𝗹𝗸. I struggled to find where the internet was leading me to, and once I got there, I was feeling dubious. The Boucherie “Multi-Use Recreation Corridor” was literally just a sidewalk. Laughable really, but I had come this far, and it promised pretty views of trees, rocks, and wineries if I made it that far. I rocked out to my music, got a good sweat on, and 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝟮𝗞. I did see trees and rocks, I psspspspsed at some horses who paid me no mind, and marveled at the beautiful summer sky. I would do it again, and 𝗜’𝗹𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗯𝗹𝘆 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝗶𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲... 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. I didn’t make it to the hiking trail, or to the vineyards, but I felt satisfied with the outing!

𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 💜

All in all, I feel the last month of activities has gone very well. I tried a lot, learned a great deal, and practiced self-care in multiple areas. I rose to the occasions that required plans to change, and we made it work out in a way that wasn’t just fine but pleasant. 𝗜𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗜 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳. I feel more neutral about my body than I did before, and I have noticed I’m having fewer harsh thoughts about this body part, that body part. I’m still having bad body days, I frequently have to resist the urge to do body-checking behaviours, and am still overly aware of if people are (yikes) or aren’t (yikes) looking at me in various situations. 𝗜 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗼. 𝗕𝘂𝘁, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝘆.

I’ve been singing some of the lyrics in The Greatest Showman (2017), “I’m not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗲!” And you know what? Sometimes I really mean it.

𝗣.𝗦. 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹-𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀 - 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀. 𝗟𝗲𝘁'𝘀 𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹! 🛼💜🧡🩷💛

- Tess

After feeling energized and encouraged after the yoga session, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆 #𝟮: Zumba! The gentle flutes and humming undertones of yoga are relaxing and absolutely have their place for me. But while my heart is pounding, sweat dripping down my lips, and I'm red as a beet, I typically enjoy the higher-velocity tunes better. So I expected this to be more my vibe. 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗬𝗠𝗖𝗔 𝗱𝗼𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿.

​However, there were significantly more people at this class than at the yoga session. Surprisingly, one of the long-term members of this class was even someone I knew from the church I went to as a child! At first, I thought this would make me feel more comfortable, but as the class went on, 𝗜 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱. I had taken a handful of dance classes in my teens, so the physical aspect of being able to watch, retain, and execute the moves wasn't overly challenging for me for the most part. The mental experience was my biggest hurdle this time. 𝗜 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗵𝘆𝗽𝗲𝗿-𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗹𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆, 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗷𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲, 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗹. In each stomp, my brain yelled, "Thighs!" In every wave of my arms, my brain yelled, "Bingo wings!" I found my eyes wandering to check, "Who's looking at me?"

​I was quickly reminded of how my social worker told me that, especially in the beginning, I was going to be bombarded by my self-image. That I was going to think, "I'm the fattest person in this room," which, I was. I was feeling what I was told to expect and prepare for. I did feel prepared for this, but 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀. I felt ashamed. But why did I? I asked myself, even if they are thinking poor things about my body, aren't I doing the thing that's "supposed to make it better" in weight-loss-focused people's opinions? And personally, I'm not trying to lose weight specifically. 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁—𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆. I was trying to be honest with myself. That even if I know that's true for me, I felt inadequate anyway. I tried to brute-force the confidence, and I did find moments of it. Surprisingly, these were mostly in more sexy movements. I tried to lean into that, but mostly I just boomeranged back and forth on this roller coaster of emotions. Especially so in the few moments between songs. There was only about 10 seconds of rest time between songs for the 45 minutes, which wasn't enough for where I'm at right now. Plus, I didn't bring water. Rookie move, I know. So as I felt more and more fatigued, I didn't feel able to match the others' energy to the same level. This deepened my experience of feeling ashamed of my body. I knew logically, this is normal even in a straight-size body, and I wasn't a Zumba regular like the others. But I couldn't really believe it in my heart. 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗴𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗴𝘀.

​When it was all said and done, I didn't feel the rejuvenation I felt after yoga. 𝗜 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿. I wanted to just run to my car this time. But I'm proud that I chose to stay and chat for a little bit regardless. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 to me, expressing excitement that I had come and inviting me back. The instructor even said that I was able to follow the moves very well for a beginner. That I didn't have the "deer-in-headlights" eyes that beginners usually do. I found this surprising as well, because 𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱'𝘃𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. But I just said thank you and was on my way.

​As I have reflected on this activity, 𝗜'𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗻 𝗮 𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗵𝗼𝘁𝗼𝗺𝘆. Was I far more uncomfortable than when I was at yoga? Yes. But did I like it better than yoga? Also, yes. The moments I did enjoy the best, when I felt in my body and not in my head, reminded me of why I liked the few dance classes I took in the past. The rest, I've just tried to accept for what it is. I'm not comfortable in my body yet, but I'm working on it. And 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴-𝘂𝗽𝘀, 𝗜 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗲𝗹𝘀𝗲.

​So, would I return to Zumba? Maybe. I've learned that my body enjoyed the physical aspect of dancing more than yoga. But I think I'd prefer a different style, like hip-hop or maybe a more sensual style if I'm feeling extra brave. 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝘆, 𝗜 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗼. I'm hoping this will help give me the bravery to do our next activity: roller-skating! This will be the most public activity yet. Plus, I'll be doing it in the hottest attire there is: helmet, elbow guards, and knee guards. But hey, you know what they say, 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝘆!

Let's roll! 🛼💜🧡🩷💛

- Tess

Our first fitness club activity launched on the 16th—yoga! I was definitely sweating, both literally and figuratively, even before we began.

My first hurdle was 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴. I've always yearned for one of those matching workout sets but never felt "allowed" to wear one in my body. For others who look like me, absolutely! But for myself, I couldn't shake the self-consciousness, despite how much I wanted one. Yet, if I was already being brave, what was one more step? So, I ventured to Superstore and tried on eight or nine sets. They fit, but then came the moment of confronting my belly in tight-fitting clothing. I usually hide it in A-lines and fit-and-flares, and these didn't hide anything. Discouragement washed over me. The feeling of, "𝗔𝗺 𝗜 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗺𝘆 𝗼𝘄𝗻?" flooded through me.

One of the key things I've been working on with my dietitian and social worker is to 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘀𝗵𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗺𝘆 𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆. They've pointed out how much this reinforces my struggles with body image and dissociation. I hadn't even realized how often I avert my gaze, how deeply I've trained myself to ignore parts of myself without conscious decision. The first time I truly looked at my body after their encouragement was hard. But the next times, negative thoughts still surfaced, yet they also prompted introspection I often avoid. Questions arose like: "Why do our social values often see larger bodies as 'bad'?" "𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗱𝗼 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗲?" "𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝘁𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀' 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲?" These are complex, long-standing struggles without easy answers, but simply asking them was a significant step for me.

So, I bought the set. And I wore it. And you know what? I felt good—actually, I felt 𝗵𝗼𝘁! And incredibly comfortable! I've been 𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 myself from an entire style of clothing for so long. I deserve to feel cute and comfortable, just like everyone else.

Next, the real sweating began—yoga! I'd only done it publicly twice as a pr***en and sporadically in the confines of my home since. It was hard! There were multiple moments when I thought, "I wish this was over. I could just leave." But I didn't! I stayed until the end and 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝘆𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳. There were several poses I thought my body would never be able to do, but I could, and I did. Some required modification because of core strength or my stomach being physically in the way, but most of them I could do fairly easily. I even took my 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 "𝗴𝘆𝗺-𝗽𝗶𝗰" before I left! And when I did leave, I didn't hide my face scurrying to my car. I walked down the street from the YMCA to a taco shop and got myself a well-earned soup. And you know what? The eyes on me didn't feel terrible. I actually felt pretty good. 🌸

So, will I go back? Did I find the activity I want to consistently return to? Nah. I learned that for me, yoga is somehow hard yet too boring. But I'm determined to find one—or two, or three!—activities I genuinely love. I'm looking forward to continuing to connect with my body, being kind to myself despite the challenges, and embracing bravery again and again! 𝗠𝘆 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗺𝗲.

Next up, Zumba! 💃
Let's roll! 🛼💜🧡🩷💛

- Tess

Hey hi! 🌸👋

To those who don't know me yet, my name is Tess! I'm a West Kelowna local, a young mum, and the proud founder behind a new project: Plus-Size Playdates.

For a long time, my relationship with movement has felt like a chore. It was something I had to do, often in spaces where I felt out of place or just plain lonely. Plus, my movement has been about making myself smaller for other people, not for being kind to myself. However, lately my perspective has been shifting as I've been working with my dietician and support team. They have encouraged me to forget the "shoulds" and embrace joyful movement.

But here’s the reality: finding fun, accessible activities often means navigating spaces where you might feel like the odd one out, or even judged. I searched for a group to fit into that felt ✨️just right✨️ but didn't find one, and I knew there had to be others who feel like I do. So I decided to make my own space! Yes, for myself, but for others too, so we can go on our own journeys - together 🌸

So, if you're tired of being the only thicc one in the room? We get it!

Pull up to Plus-Size Playdates! ✨️
The first roll-out of activities will cost as low as 22 bucks all together! Heads up: we're not charging any club fees, the price is just for the actual activities we'll be doing.

Here’s what’s on the calendar for meet-ups:

🧘‍♀️ Yoga @ YMCA Downtown
💃 Zumba @ Kinsmen Athletic Park
🛼 Roller Rink @ Stuart Park
🏊‍♀️ Aquafit @ Johnson Bentley Memorial Aquatic Center

Come find your people and let's get active together in a space where you truly belong!

Want in? DM us here, on Instagram, or email us at [email protected] for more info, FAQs, and to sign up!

I can't wait to journey with you 💜🧡🩷💛