Evolving Fit Mom

Post workout reflection

Sometimes the gym is where I do more than exercise. It’s where I take a moment to pause, breathe, and contemplate some of life’s biggest decisions.

I think about big decisions, new chapters, taking chances and trusting the process… sometimes you just need to stand still long enough to analyze it all.

The countdown is officially on! ✈️

Last minute planning, prepping, organizing and getting everything ready for our trip to Paris and Italy. This will be our first time in Paris and we’re so excited to experience it together.

I’m especially excited to be celebrating a milestone birthday in Paris and for all the fun things we have booked for that day.

Our trip to Italy two years ago was absolutely amazing, so we can’t wait to be back and explore and visit family while making a whole new set of memories together.

So much to do before we go but the excitement is definitely kicking in. Our European adventure is almost here.

This morning I took a much needed mental health walk. 6.6 km of fresh air, quiet thoughts and time to just reset. I even stopped halfway for a little break in a beautiful spot to have a protein bagel.

Sometimes you need to step away from everything, move your body, clear your mind and give yourself a little space to breathe. Today, I really needed that. 🌿

Today I felt the need to be close to my grandma as I reflected on a few things. My husband and I talked things through and he reminded me of a few things I needed to hear.

I knew having a memorial tree for my grandma would mean a lot to me but I don’t think I truly understood just how much until now.

I cherished our relationship so deeply and I feel the huge loss and the emptiness her absence has left in my life. Having this special place to sit, reflect, and feel close to her brings me so much comfort.

I don’t have a lot of family left which makes her loss feel even bigger. But one beautiful thing that has come from it is that her passing has brought me closer to her sister, my great aunt. I’m so grateful for that connection and for having someone who knew and loved my grandma too.

I’m incredibly thankful to have this little piece of her a place I can sit remember her and feel close to her. 🌳

I haven’t posted in a few weeks and honestly its because life has felt like a lot lately. I’ve felt like we have so much on our plates that it’s been hard to keep all the balls in the air and find any sense of balance.

I’ve always tried to show up here with positivity. Even when I’ve shared struggles, I’ve usually been able to find the silver lining. But for the first time in a long time, I haven’t been able to find it. Instead of showing up online pretending I was okay I decided to step back for a while. I know how much I have to be thankful for and I don’t take any of it for granted. But I’m learning that gratitude and struggling can exist at the same time.

The last few weeks have brought a lot of tears, self-doubt, hurt and sadness. I’ve still gotten up, shown up for others, gone for walks and gotten my workouts in. Doing the things that help keep me grounded. That doesn’t mean there haven’t been moments where I’ve completely broken down in silence and felt such sadness.

I’m so used to being there for everyone else that taking care of myself and reaching out when I’m struggling doesn’t always come easy. I’m incredibly grateful for the few people who have listened, checked in and reminded me that I don’t always have to be the strong one. I'm grateful for my husband who has so much on his own plate but continues to show up for everyone around him.

Maybe this season isn’t about finding the silver lining just yet. Maybe it’s about accepting that things are hard, that I’m tired, and that sometimes simply putting one foot in front of the other is enough.

So if you’ve noticed my absence this is why.
I’m still here. I’m still showing up the best I can, I’m still working out and taking care of what needs to be done. It just taking some time to find my way back to myself.

Today I sat at the table during a business meeting over lunch and for a moment I really took in where I was. I couldn’t help but think about where I came from and how much work it took to get here.

I grew up being told I was “special”and not in a good way. I was made to believe I wasn’t smart enough. I was a troubled teenager who lost my way and I’ve had to overcome more than I ever imagined I could.

Yet here I am. Sitting at the table being taken seriously involved in business decisions, and running a business alongside my husband.

I still doubt myself sometimes but I’ve come a long way. Don’t let someone else’s perception of you hold you back. Filter out the negativity and remember that their opinion of you does not define who you are.

I may have hit rock bottom at one point in my life but I’ve worked hard to make sure I never end up there again. Every setback has taught me something and every step forward has made me stronger.

Surround yourself with people who lift you up, believe in you, and genuinely want to see you succeed not people who tear you down.

Protect your peace. Know your worth. Keep moving forward.

20 years of loving this amazing man.

The man who not only came after the mess but helped put back the broken pieces of me. The man who helped me heal parts of myself that others never knew about or saw. The one who picked me up when others had spent years putting me down. The one who showed me what true love really is.

Vince you came into my life when I had decided
I was taking a break from dating because I had enough. You showed me what a real man was and what a healthy genuine love could look like.

You taught me to be a little more spontaneous, to care less about what others think to think outside the box and to realize that you really can live life your own way and not by the rules society sets for you.

Things haven't always come easy for us, but our love for each other has carried us through every challenge. Twenty years later, I'm still so grateful you said yes to that first date. I wouldn't want to do this crazy, beautiful life with anyone else.

Happy 20th Anniversary my love ❤️
Here's to all the memories we've made and all the adventures still to come. I love you more than words can say.

The second picture was taken last fall and you can see how much stress was affecting me. The second half of last year nearly broke me. There was so much happening behind the scenes that many people knew nothing about. I’m still not sure where I found the strength to get through each day but somehow I did. Honestly, I don’t think I could have done it without my husband's love and support.

I feel like I lost so much during that time but I also gained a new perspective. Lately, I’ve found myself thinking about the situations, the decisions and everything that happened last fall. It’s okay to feel sad, hurt, or upset about the things we’ve been through but at some point we also have to make peace with what happened and remind ourselves that we made the best decisions we could with the circumstances we were facing at the time. Life is definitely a roller-coaster..Sometimes it’s hard not to overthink situations or feel guilty about decisions you were forced to make.

Here’s to healing, growth, perspective, and moving forward.