Marriage Must Be Protected

My wife and I had an issue this morning before we left for work. It was a small misunderstanding between me and her.

We were both angry with each other. From my facial expression, my wife knew I was very prepared to keep malice with her that morning. She was also angry and didn't mind playing along.

I stepped out of the house and she locked the doors and followed me behind. Since we don't have a car, we always board the same bus to work every morning and ensure we sit together- side by side on the bus.

I was to drop at Manda hill and she was to drop at zesco.

But today, I didn't want to sit close to her. So I sat at the back seat and she sat in front, just beside a good-looking Police officer.

The man glanced at my wife. I saw the way he looked at her hair and face with so much admiration. Then he told her she looked beautiful. My wife smiled and told him thank you.

He asked my wife where she was going and she told him she was heading to work.

All this while, I was sitting behind and listening to their conversation.

"My name is Mwansa Mweemba. I am a police officer as you can see from my uniform. I was just posted to Lusaka a month ago. Right now I am heading to my place of assignment."

My wife nodded her head. When the conductor requested for my wife to pay her transport fare, the officer offered to pay. He pulled out a K50 and Said Two.

My wife thanked him and smiled.

Then the officer continued.

"So I will be dropping soon at Munali I am accommodated at Chelston Police Camp. I don't know if you can drop by someday to say hello to me. Can I have your number?"

I didn't waste any more time. I tapped my wife on her shoulders immediately.

She turned.

And then I asked her.

"Hope you remembered to put a spoon inside Kasubas lunch box? You know you always forget."

My wife was puzzled. She was probably wondering who Kasuba is, and why I had chosen to talk to her. Before she could ask any further questions I added.

"Try to pick her up from school earl

HOW TO HANDLE QUARREL IN MARRIAGE

The best for your marriage is not to quarrel at all. But if you must quarrel, you must learn to fight fairly, please bear the following in mind:

1. No physical combat; leave that to garage boys.

2. No foul language.

3. No threat of divorce or separation.

4. No condemnation, criticism or comparison of your spouse with other people.

5. Avoid referring to previous quarrels.

6. Speak the truth in love without shouting.

7. Do not reveal the secrets of your spouse to outsiders.

8. No silence treatment. Keep on talking in love to your partner until you can resolve the issue.

9. Self-blame system. Avoid blaming your spouse. Rather, note where you were wrong; do not be blind to your errors. No self-righteousness because it takes two to tango. Accept your mistakes humbly.

10. Apologize generously to your spouse.

11. Break the ice of malice.

12. Think positively about your spouse and marriage; no thought of divorce or separation.

13. Forgive when you are hurt.

14. Use the auto-suggestion system. Speak positively to yourself about your spouse. You can say something like this: “David (call your name), why do you fight your wife? You have nothing to gain. Why can’t you stop quarrelling and give peace a chance and let the Holy Spirit take control in this house?” Repeating positive statements like this will release your heart from anger and bitterness and give room for easy reconciliation.

QUARRELLING RULES

Couples should prepare adequately to handle quarrels by setting certain rules for themselves. These should be put in place when there is no quarrel and both parties should adhere to them. Some of them are:

1. Never to go to bed unless you have settled your dispute.

2. Never to report yourselves to third parties, except your pastor or counsellor.

3. Never to shout or hit each other no matter what happens.

4. To continue to eat together and sleep in the same room no matter what happens.

5. To continue to love each other even during a crisis.

6. To make family altar a must, no matter what happens.

7. To always call for reconciliation when there is a dispute.

8. To always report each other to God.

9. To always suspend any disagreement when children or visitors are around.

10. To do all your “battles” in your bedroom but in love.

11. That the man will have the final say but the wife should be allowed to talk and influence the man, while the man must listen and consider the wife’s point of view.

As you adhere to these guidelines, I pray grace to enjoy your marriage rest upon you in Jesus Name.

God bless you!

K*m Eric Tso

Make your house a home.

Create a space where the two of you actually want to spend time together. Danish women taught me how much this matters. You never want your home to feel like an office or a hotel that the two of you are just passing through. The women I met bought deliciously scented candles and soft blankets by the sackful, and truly embraced the creation of a happy and cozy home where a new couple could get away from the rest of the world.

Don’t forget romance.

Naturally, this advice came from the French. Keep your phone off the dinner table and don’t forget how fun it can be to dress up. Avoid the temptation to spend all of your time together in your sweatpants. And this advice goes both ways — your partner should put in an effort to win you over again and again.

Go easy on yourselves.

Not every day will be perfect, or even good, and that has to be okay. Talk about the imperfections and the pain points. Don’t beat yourselves up. The old adage says marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. And some days will feel like an obstacle course where you have to carry your spouse up a mountain and through a pit of mud. Obsessing over whether you have a strong marriage or whether you’re doing everything “right” are great ways to set yourself up for failure. I heard this over and over from tribeswomen in Kenya and Tanzania, who said they heeded the advice from older women — their marriage mentors — to accept that they wouldn’t learn everything about how to be a wife in a day. It’s a process.

Give yourself permission to lean on your partner.

Of course you can take care of yourself, but one of the nice things about being married is that you don’t have to shoulder life all on your own. Let your spouse take care of you once in a while. Women I met in Holland emphasized the importance of this. They were fiercely independent in their aspirations of achieving their creative goals and traveling the world alone, but they also didn’t think twice about working part-time afte

Cheating: a price tag you cannot afford
Our thirst for affairs has become so culturally acceptable that throughout most television show episodes, infidelity is mentioned. Not to be outdone, we even have a reality show, Cheaters, designed to reveal an indiscretion and exploit the humiliation on national television. The fact that the series is in its 14th season is an indictment against us. I’m not sure which is more devastating – discovering your lover’s unfaithfulness, or discovering the crushing news at the same time as the train wreck-watching public. We live in a very sad day and age.

I have seen firsthand the destruction of adultery. Cheating devastates relationships and shatters dreams. If you have entertained the idea of cheating on your spouse or significant other, let this serve as your official warning. Your handsome boss, cute office secretary, or sultry neighbor down the street comes with a price tag you cannot afford.

Every three months or so we seem to learn of another celebrity caught cheating on his or her spouse. To say adultery is an epidemic in our current culture is an understatement. And it doesn’t seem to be a respecter of position. Regardless of what we do for a living (politician, pastor, teacher, athlete, actor, musician, etc), cheaters are in our midst. The question isn’t who is cheating, but rather who isn’t?