Hansel Turno

That hurt drove me to rage. It made me antagonistic. It made me hard to gratify. It made me snuggle down into keeping my distance and my silence to keep everyone out.

Somehow, my loudness and my once free-spirited self have started to sound dreamlike to me. It was like the old me never happened. I felt like that hurt took away my virtue and hope that there was something beautiful waiting for me in this life if I remain loving and all out. It was that pain that wrenched me from thinking that this world is gentle for those who choose to be good. But I was wrong because sometimes the way I try not to hurt people lures them to think it’s okay to upset me. I was gentle and loving. I always forgive and amuse.

I was once the one who saw beauty in all things. I used to be the one who finds fulfillment in listening and rescuing—the one who was the most outgoing, decipherable, and sincere. I was once at my best when it came to expressing the expanse of my love and care without expecting half of it to be returned. Now I am just another person wishing to keep everyone away. I am now settling for becoming a stranger rather than compromising my trust. I am still trying to pull through.

That hurt drove me into becoming the person I never wished to become, but that same pain was so memorable that I don’t want to be my old self again.

That pain made me feel lost and numb. It made me stay on my warpath. That pain made me not want to love and be loved again.

- Mica Meñez, that pain