The Pink Pilgrimage

Survivorship is a journey. Some days the will to live is just... low. I'm tired of being tired. Aching all over like an old lady — and yes, I'm blaming the meds meant to keep me alive.

I get it now. Why some cancer patients choose to skip treatment in exchange for quality of life, however short. Nobody likes suffering. My pain tolerance used to be legendary. Now everything hurts, and I'm tired of even saying it out loud. It is what it is. I'm not asking for sympathy — I'm very much alive, thank you.

The nutrition, the exercise, the whole "take care of yourself" package — it's one step forward, two steps back. You feel like a champ for a moment, then boom. Side effects. Or just the will to live calling in sick.

And my brain decided to wake up again. So many things disturbing my peace. Long to-do list. Zero energy to match. I'd rather nap. The list can wait.
But in the middle of all this — I know I'm lucky. To afford my medicines, my treatments, my supplements, my food. Not everyone can say that. That is not lost on me.

Lord, have mercy. Sustain me with your grace through these five years. Make me better — not just healthier, but a better person. May this journey somehow transform hearts and lead people back to your love. ❤️

Getting to know myself again: my limits, my strength, and my potential… gently trekking this path of recovery, softly and slowly. I am not in a hurry.

Grateful to still be here after the pain and everything I had to endure during treatment. Here I am, hoping to become the best version of myself -- the woman God intended me to be.

Mentally and physically, I am slowly waking up to the life and activities I once knew. Not perfectly, not quite the same as before, but I am learning to give myself grace. Though if you know me well enough, you know how impatient I can be. So I slow down. This season feels like God whispering to me, “Sit this one out… not just yet.”

I am rebuilding my strength day by day. Learning to live with the joint pains and shoulder stiffness... little reminders of the treatments and medications that carried me here.

One day, I will read this again with gratitude and gentleness. One day, these discomforts will fade. One day, I will feel whole and strong again. One day…

Thank you for your prayers. You are in mine too. 🩷

It’s not mostly joyful. Sometimes my happy energy gets depleted and I feel defeated.

Going through the daily grind of surviving cancer is mental calisthenics. I find myself busier, my creative juices coming alive again, able to go out on errands, and my naps are getting shorter. Although there are still days when fatigue gets the best of me.

I haven’t been taking coffee for a few weeks now, and surprisingly, it has helped manage my lethargic moments. I’m also happy with my combination of magnesium glycinate and melatonin for more restful sleep.

Nothing big is happening, thank goodness. I’m due for my routine laboratory tests next month, but for now, I’m simply enjoying this little break from medical errands.

In moments of spiritual dryness and during my darkest hours, your prayers continue to lift me up. Sometimes I just have to brush off the downers and choose gratitude and faithfulness again and again.

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.

🩷

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13

There are many phases and faces to going through cancer. Survivorship looks different for each person, but one thing is certain — it is a struggle. What you try to joyfully embrace can sometimes feel like a bitter pill to swallow. You get tired all the time. Tired of being tired.

These days, I am slowly easing back into regular exercise, even if it’s only for 15 minutes. I still can’t lift weights, and that’s okay. I’m just grateful I feel much better than I did a few weeks ago.

My mind often feels foggy. I zone out. My mental energy runs out quickly, even when my thoughts are busy and full. There are so many things I still want to do, but my body cannot always keep up.

I’ve also noticed how unpredictable my appetite has become. I know I am undernourished, so when I do feel like eating, I try my best to nourish myself well -- greens, protein, and sometimes a little indulgence too, even if it’s just a nibble.

I don’t know what lies ahead. Will there be more suffering? More side effects from the medication? Will it all be worth it? Only time will tell.

But for now, I am learning to live one day at a time -- with grace for my limitations, gratitude for small victories, and hope that healing can still exist even in the uncertainty.

Another year. Another grace.

I celebrated my birthday surrounded by family and the people I love most. What a gift it is to be here, to be held, to begin again.

Stronger. Smarter. More joyful. Even in the midst of uncertainties.

This journey has taught me that grace shows up in the quiet. In the ordinary. In the days when I feel tired or spiritually dry. And yet, I am carried. Carried by your prayers. I feel them deeply. Truly.

Thank you for holding me up when I could not stand on my own.

Another chapter unfolds. And I pray it will be lovelier, deeper, and more meaningful than the last.
Almost 50… and embracing it with a full heart.

🩷