Homebody J

🌹being a “good” woman has never worked for me.

Be mindful.

Don't stay where you don't belong. Notice the way you feel in all aspects.

Let's discuss.

Imagine thinking you're valued, so you care for those as if they are family.

Imagine being surrounded by many who deliver smiles, hugs, and overall joy regularly, and it gets you motivated to come back, daily, willingly, and dedicated.

Imagine giving your all and showing up as a loyal candidate, woman, friend, significant other.... Just to receive the short end of the stick, breadcrumbs, cheap goods, or below the value in return.

Imagine yourself being accepted in a particular environment just to be treated unfairly.

Poor treatment, such as: Belittled, betrayed, unguided, compared to, lied to, politicized, overlooked, uninvited, refrained, dismissed, used, manipulated, and unexcused.

Watch out!

When you're no longer wanted or needed but give no reason for the other person to end your presence, "they" will make your current situation uncomfortable in hopes that you will leave on your own.

How is reputation built?

The best way to win the public's eye is to participate in charitable acts.

"Moral Camouflage: A concept describing how toxic individuals use high-profile charity or moral causes to hide their selfish motives and protect themselves from criticism."

My past employer, who is so overly popular in the area and is loved for showing generous acts in public, models the "savior complex". The public doesn't know what goes on indoors.

I supported a few Directors as their admin. There were about four or five admins in the building, including myself. Two are the same color as me. Each admin has the privilege to own a laptop and work remotely as needed: sick, family matters, bad weather days (ice/storm/snow). I was never given the right to own a laptop.
I showed up in the office on bad weather days while every department, including HR & my own dept, worked from home. Never heard one peep from my director(s) while I was in the office, alone.

The company strives for growth and pushes for continuous learning. They offer to pay for courses and your Master's degree. Receiving a Master's in Business is highly looked upon. They also offer courses for further growth, as I was highly interested in a couple of data analytics programs.

I applied/requested to enroll and join these programs by sending an email to my boss, the director of the Marketing department. I received passive feedback. No answer. I tried once more and again received a silent response. No answer. I read body language, tone, and gestures. I gave no push-back. I then decided to take matters into my own hands and worked with the Choctaw Nation of Okahoma who is ready to pay for any course I'm interested in. I gave this notice to the director, and he replied, "Okay," and went to the next topic.

I began this position as a salaried candidate. I had surgery after a year of employment and took 2.5 months off. A few months after my return, I was transitioned to hourly and given a statement by T.H. in HR that it was due to my type of role.

What made my situation worse is the gatekeeping by peers and coworkers who called themselves friends. The other admins knew of my situation and rejections and kept quiet. If I questioned anything about their privileges (the ones who are the same color as I), they immediately changed the subject or acted as if they had no knowledge. The funny thing is, one of those admins hated my distance in personality but kept in touch with me for whatever reason.

I began to look for a new role within the company. My director appeared shocked. He told me I shouldn't apply to multiple roles that were different from one another because it didn't look good. He also asked me if I had "Customer Service" experience in relation to one role I applied to. I believe everyone in that damn building has Customer Service experience, but this task didn't have anything to do with the remaining roles I had applied for. I applied to six completely different roles as I wanted out of my current dept badly. Both managers (My director and the potential ones) are to speak to one another before setting up an interview. I only got invited to two interviews, one role I didn't qualify for due to inexperience in SQL, which is one of the programs I'd wish to grow in, and I was terminated before hearing back on the 2nd one.

Being involved in a situation like all of the above is frustrating and can lead a person to an unbalanced state, which is what happened with me. I went from motivationally kissing ass to anxiety and depression. To top it off, I began to accept this same treatment outside of the workplace. I began engaging in a poor, low-vibrational environment with toxic individuals & became triggered. The petty acts on both sides led to my termination, sadly but also thankfully.

How lucky for the employer. They needed a reason to end my status with them & in Spirit's name, it was only a matter of time. My experiences and treatment were leading me to this day.

My only mistakes. Staying in poor conditions for too long due to my loyalty and my feelings of being comfortable.

I have this saying, "Pay attention to the way you feel". Because an empathetic person like me values kindness & smiles. I automatically assume that just because a person is being super kind, hugging me all the damn time, and smiling means that they are genuine. I've learned the hard way that most people are afraid to acknowledge your goods and are too afraid to let you know when they either dislike you or don't value your presence.

But, it's okay.

The universe has a way of destroying your current situation when you are showing a sense of naivety. "I had to make you uncomfortable; otherwise, you would have never moved".

I value the presence of spirit in so many ways.

I am now grounded and bound to my own. I'll never kiss another's ass gracefully.

"WTF was I even thinking?" is the question.

Be mindful. Value your own presence.

Show up for your damn self at all times!

If it doesn't feel good, leave!

Get in, get what you want/need, and get TF out.

Never put your goals down for another party that makes you feel comfortable for just a moment.

Don't humble yourself; get what you deserve.

Best one yet, Never Settle!

Beautiful… thank you 🌹
Eugene Roberson

I’m back! It’s nice to see some of you again my darlings. 🌹

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