Itz Your Beauty

Turns out it's really fu***ng easy to have boundaries when nobody is testing them.

Because when I actually cared about someone, suddenly those hard lines I'd drawn weren't quite so hard anymore.

I gave grace.

Then I gave a little more.

I made excuses for things because I could understand where they were coming from.

I accepted apologies because I believed people deserved another chance.

I questioned whether something was actually a problem or if maybe my past was making me too guarded.

I told myself not to overthink.

Not to expect perfection.

To be patient.

To communicate.

To give it time.

And none of those things are bad.

Grace is a beautiful thing.

Understanding someone is a beautiful thing.

Giving people room to be imperfect is a beautiful thing.

But holy s**t, there is a fine line between giving someone grace and slowly moving your own boundaries so they can keep fitting inside them.

And I crossed that line more than I realized.

Not because I didn't know better.

Because I wanted to be chosen.

That's probably the hardest part for me to admit.

After my biggest loss,, I wanted the happy ending so badly.

I wanted someone to look at me and think, Her. That's who I want.

I wanted to feel chosen.

And if I'm really digging into the ugly s**t underneath that, I think part of me believed being chosen would prove something.

That I was lovable.

That I wasn't too much.

That I wasn't difficult.

That what happened didn't define me.

That someone could see all of me and still fu***ng stay.

So I focused a whole lot of energy on whether I was being chosen.

Are they choosing me?

Do they want me?

Am I enough?

How can I make this work?

How can I be more understanding?

How much grace should I give?

And somehow I missed a pretty obvious question.

Do I choose this?

Like... hello? 😂

I GET A FU***NG VOTE TOO.

And I don't mean that in some "know your worth, queen 👑" Facebook quote kind of way.

I mean actually sitting with yourself and asking whether you've been honoring the things you once promised yourself you wouldn't compromise on.

Because that's been uncomfortable for me.

I've had to look back at some things and admit that I knew.

I knew when something crossed a boundary.

I knew when something hurt.

I knew when I wasn't okay with something.

And instead of listening to myself, sometimes I found a way to understand it.

Excuse it.

Forgive it.

Give it another chance.

Because being understanding felt easier than risking not being chosen.

F**k.

That's a hard thing to admit about yourself.

But maybe that's what this part of my life is teaching me.

Being chosen isn't actually the prize I thought it was.

Because anybody can choose you.

The bigger question is what you're willing to give up about yourself to keep being chosen by them.

Your boundaries?

Your voice?

Your needs?

Your peace?

The things you promised yourself you'd never accept again?

I don't want to do that anymore.

I still want to give grace.

I still want to understand people.

I still want to love hard.

I still believe people are imperfect and relationships of every kind require forgiveness.

That's who I am, and I actually really fu***ng like that about myself.

I just don't want my ability to understand everyone else to keep becoming an excuse not to listen to myself.

Because I don't need another person to choose me to prove I'm worthy.

I already am.

And maybe that's the lesson I needed all along.

Stop asking:

"Do you choose me?"

And start asking:

"Do I choose this?"

Because I spent way too many years trying to be somebody worth choosing.

Turns out, I already was the whole fu***ng time. ❤️

Beautiful 🫰🏼 This is the type of energy and art I support and strive to give.. If you have a special piece and want a tattoo of it , let’s talk.

🥀

Fallece modelo e influencer colombiana “Baby Demoni”, reconocida por su estilo y por impulsar la cultura Hip Hop. 🕊️

Alejandra Esquin, conocida en redes como , ha fallecido recientemente.

Las autoridades continúan investigando los hechos para esclarecer lo ocurrido.
🙏🏽 Descanse en paz, Baby Demoni.

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