Barefoot Bean & Co.

resilience or regulation?! the parenting question I always think about, especially over this past weekend.

I pulled my daughter out of summer school today, and it wasn’t just because she was nervous, but because what I was seeing felt like more than just discomfort. it was straight anxiety and the girl isn’t even 6 yet.

as someone who spent 2 years at a school where I felt deeply unsafe, lonely, and dysregulated, I’m probably more sensitive to these things than most. but now, as a parent to a child who feels everything deeply, I find myself constantly asking when do we encourage resilience and when do we protect a child’s nervous system.

I don’t think every challenge should be removed - my daughter has done plenty of hard things, and she’s grown through those experiences. but I’ve learned there’s a difference between something that’s stretching her and something that’s completely shutting her down.

I fully recognize that this decision came from a place of privilege and understand many families don’t have the flexibility or resources to make a different choice, and I don’t take that for granted.

I’m not sharing this because I have the answer, but because I think so many of us are trying to figure out where that line is - the line between helping our kids be brave and knowing when they need us to step in. there’s not a perfect formula, but I do think it’s a lot of listening, trusting our gut and doing the best we can.

and like I said, I’ll be unpacking the ‘I hate Jillian club’ in therapy for the rest of my life because it’s still very much a trigger lol.

anywho, here’s to life, healing ourselves, and trying not to pass the hard parts on to our kids. parenting is hard, but it’s a constant life lesson that I’m truly grateful for 🩷

xo,
Bean

sorry, babe. luteal is back. and she’s a bitch.

as I inch closer to 40, I’m making a conscious effort to fill my life with more glimmers! more fun! more self care! I feel like a crazed mom hanging on by a thread 80% of the time, so it’s imperativeeeee I fill my cup. so I snuck away to Oceanside for a few hours and had the most perfect morning. 

the highlight was my GLO₂ Facial at Evolve’s new North County location in Oceanside. my skin has been looking TIRED (maybe bc I’m up 5 times a night with my toddler), the lines around my mouth are extraaaa noticeable these days (hello almost 39!), and I wanted a fresh, healthy glow. my skin felt refreshed + glowy and it was a facial where the results would last a few weeks. the entire team was so welcoming - I’ll be booking a GLO₂ if I have an event in the future and if my face needs some extra TLC!

everything else for treat yo self day was literally steps away, including … 

🌿 Plant Play for a new Hoya plant that definitely came home with me
☕ for a cappuccino and rainbow bagel
🕶️ and for some treasure hunting and the most incredible vintage Ralph Lauren aviators

everything was within about a 10 second walk of each other.

if you’re looking for a little self care day, this is your sign to book it. but definitely ALWAYS book the facial! 

thank you and for helping me kick off birthday month feeling ready for the last lap of my 30s 🩷✨

three years ago, Adam and I hit a VERY rough patch - not divorce rough, but insanely disconnected, frustrated, and stuck in the same arguments over and over again where we’d ignore each other for a full week.

we started working with a somatic couples therapist, and one of the biggest lessons of the last three years is that most of our reactions weren’t actually about each other. rather, they were shaped by our childhoods, our family dynamics, how emotionally available the adults around us were, and the ways we learned to protect ourselves long before we met.

I was the TIGRESS 🐅 and Adam was my sweet tortoise 🐢and would retreat into his shell when my claws would come out. once we understood the why behind those reactions, it became a lot easier to meet each other with empathy instead of defensiveness.

all that said, most of us are carrying patterns that have been passed down for generations, and the gift is becoming aware of them so we can choose differently.

now one of our biggest goals as parents is to be emotionally available, help our kids co-regulate through big feelings, and create the kind of emotional safety that allows them to build healthy relationships later in life. they sure as hell won’t be perfect, but at least we can help them be aware.

save this if you’re in the thick of marriage, parenting, or trying to break cycles in your family. it is HARD WORK and sometimes feels very lonely, but I believe we’re doing the most important work in society right now.

xo,
Bean