Be Still

I came by this post tonight and was quite inspired by its message. It talks about how we conceptualise what is "normal" and how we (as a society) discriminate or differentiate from others and why it is important to see life and mental health as a continuum. That we need to not ignore our emotional needs and that we need to focus on community, connection, inclusivity and what it actually means to be a contributing member of the communities that we live in. Often many people that I work with struggle with the idea that they are not contributing to the best of their ability, due to a dip in their mental health. And I tell them that there are always times when we are not "on our A game" and this is OK. That during those times we need to modify our expectations of ourself and remind ourselves of the times when we have come out of these struggles. And that we need to remind the people around us, that we need their support and acceptance and that they need to modify their expectations of us also.

Imagine if we all lived in communities where acceptance of mental health difficulties was a the norm?

Dr. Gabor Maté - The Myth of “Normal” Dr. Gabor Maté on the Myth of “Normal” in Psychological Disorders. He explains how mental distress and pathology exists in a continuum and are largely a resu...

Window of Tolerance [Dan Siegel]...

Nature can take our breath away in its grandeur and beauty. Hope you are all making time for beautiful and nurturing things in your lives this week.

In many lanuages the word spirit means breath or to breathe. Stop. Take a breath.

(Reflections to Heal Your Spirit, Claudia Black)

Recovery is not linear; there will be no straight lines.

(Reflections to Heal Your Spirit, Claudia Black)

Today is World Mental Health Day. Hope you are all taking time out to Be Still and have better work/life balance and invest in the relationships and yourself, that help you to stay strong and mentally well.

Check out https://1010.org.au/ and make a promise to yourself!

World Mental Health Day

I have been seeing a lot of couples lately and did a wonderful course on Emotions in Couple Work a couple of weeks ago.

One of the quotes in the manual was:

It is not people's feelings or wants that cause problems in marriage, but the discounting and disallowing of these feelings and wants that cause problems in marriage (Webster 2016)

I thought I would share this quote as many couples experience problems in their relationship due to difficulties in communication, decision making, intimacy or commitment. The above quote speaks to those difficulties because couples often discount, disallow and dismiss each others feelings and wants. When this is left unchecked, problems with communication, decision making, intimacy and commitment arise.

So this is worth pausing and reflecting on (as we may protest that of course we listen to our partner but how often have we stopped and asked if they feel heard or understood? Or rather felt that we have shut down their feelings and needs?)

Then one of the course articles gave me a lot to reflect on where its main argument was that it was not just what happened between the couple that allows these difficulties to arise but also what happened within each individual where they not only discounted and disallowed their partners wants and needs but were unable to self regulate their own feelings and needs (which naturally then exacerbates current or emerging problems for the couple!). So again it is worth stopping if an argument or discussion is escalating and reflecting on what am I feeling, at what point do I feel my partner stopped listening to me, what is preventing me from speaking out my feelings, where do I notice these feelings in my body and do I need to do something to calm or soothe myself before I continue in this discussion?

Good luck with these reflections 😆

Today is World Su***de Prevention Day today.

Please check out the website www.wspd.org.au/about

Su***de is the leading cause of death for 15-44yr olds, 2000 take their life every year in Australia and another 65000 plan or attempt su***de.

Please look after yourselves, have direct conversations with loved ones about their mental health and lets all work together toward alleviating the distress people feel where su***de becomes an option for people in distress.

- World Su***de Prevention Day About World Su***de Prevention Day After a successful launch in 2003, World Su***de Prevention Day (WSPD) is now held every year on 10 September. On this day, numerous events, conferences, campaigns and local activities call to public attention one of … Continue reading →

So I have been thinking about community and social isolation a bit over the past 2 weeks and thought I'd share a quote that I read this morning:

(Community is...) "A group in which free conversation can take place. Community is where I can share my innermost thoughts, bring out the depths of my own feelings, and know they will be understood....Communication makes community and is the possibility of human beings living together for their mutual psychological, physical and spiritual nourishment" Rollo May, 1976 quoted in Trauma Trails.

What a beautiful quote to start our day with! And reflect about what nourishes us and where in our lives we feel free to be ourselves and communicate freely. Let's celebrate those parts of our lives!

And if we don't feel we have that, what is holding us back from creating that? How does feeling isolated from our loved ones or community affect ourselves and our mental health?

Sometimes we may have had a series of people in our lives that haven't been good to us and as a result, we want to spend time nourishing ourselves, by ourselves. There is nothing wrong with this kind of renewal.

However, like most things its about balance and processing those experiences that have left a negative imprint and learning about how to identify the people and communities that nourish us and allow us to experience freedom and lightness in our lives.

Happy Friday everyone!

Since I have come back from holidays, I have realised how easy it is to be sucked back into the busyness of our lives, without due consideration of how purposefully I am using my time.

So it has got me thinking about this busyness that we all seem to talk about all the time.

Like how many times in your day (or week) do you personally think- "Wow I am so busy, how am I going to find time to get through all this work?" or "Oh my goodness, it is X o'clock already and I haven't even done half the things I was meant to today?". Or have many times have you heard a colleague lamenting how busy they are and that they have been asked to take on yet another task by their manager (or possibly they have overcommitted themselves and all the deadlines are falling at once (and as a result they are stressed out because there is literally not enough time to complete all the tasks required by the deadline timframe).

Sound familiar?

I am guilty as charged on this kind of thinking also. However, what I have been trying to maintain since I got back to both my workplaces is to stop regularly and pay attention to what my body is saying to me (e.g You are thirsty, you need to go to the bathroom, you really should eat because muesli and yoghurt at 7am will only take you so far into the day, you are pulling faces at colleagues unintentionally when they knock on the door asking for 5mins of your time (lets face it, its never 5mins!) and your breath is shallow because you are clucking around in "busyness" so its probably time to stop and take stock). So I am now trying to say no to the "clucking around" (or chaos) and actually stopping and checking in with what tasks I have to complete and in what order. Sounds like time management 101 right? But we all know its not that easy (because if it was then we would all be on easy street and completely cool, calm and collected all the time right?!).

Sometimes all the things on our list are "urgent". However, what I am creating time for is not just the "urgent" tasks but also the "important". Those tasks that always get pushed to the bottom of the heap as we spot fires to prevent (perceived) negative attention or having to explain ourselves to our bosses or people who might question our time management. If we think of ourselves as resources that need looking after, it is easier to say no to different tasks or to re-prioritise them because we need to also be proactive, not just reactive.

So routinely through the day now, I stop, breathe and re-look at my tasks list and re-prioritise tasks so that there is more balance between the urgent and the important. And that there is also a mix of tasks that nurture myself as a resource, a sustainable one!

Finally, I also try and add in tasks that I can confidently answer the question "What am I proud of that I did at work (or in my life) today?".

Because life is more than just time management- it is also about happiness, contentment, fulfillment and inner peace. Hope you are having luck with finding this balance in your life and work this week too!

This is a beautiful message. We often treat others better than we treat ourselves.

Thought for the day on self-compassion...

How Not to Be Hard on Yourself-- an infographic.