Beth Pupovac The Emotional Practitioner

The 2nd thing I do as a parent because of learning about the brain before I had kids

2. I LET THE “little stuff” be BIG STUFF

You all know it, those moments when something “so little” is HUGE to them.

* The “wrong” cup
* The lost toy
* The different bowl
* Not being allowed what they are asking you for
* The things their sibling got that they didn’t
WORSE, The thing their sibling got that they got too but somehow it’s not the same!?!? 🤯
* Not getting to come with you for the split second you’re going only to come right back 😅

All those moment where a TOUCH of logic would go A LONG WAY!

Learning, prior to having kids, that they do not have the same access the parts of the brain where logic lives as we do, makes it easier to be EMPATHETIC to these BIG moments.

As result, I see these moments as an opportunity.
A chance to help them BE with the FEELING - whatever that is- sadness, fear, anger, jealousy and really focus on that.

Because I know for certain, another day, they will have this same feeling over something “Bigger”.

* sadness at a breakup
* fear over a speech at school
* anger at a friend who did the wrong thing by them

And I use this time now as a training ground for them to learn that these feelings are ok, normal, part of life and THAT THEY PASS.

So if it’s BIG to them, I forget the logic and I allow it to be BIG to me too.
I fight the urge to fix the issue and help them with the feeling (trust me, sometimes I just fix it because well it’s hard not to!)

And again, this isn’t easy, because we want to prevent them from hurting but knowing this helps me remember to focus on empathy and just be with them through it so one day they can get through it themselves.

I spent several years studying prior to having kids

A large part of those studies included psychological development, brain function and the Nervous system.

This has greatly shaped the way I choose to parent.

There are 3 key things I do with my kids as a result of these studies.
This is the first 👇🏼

1. I LET THEM SOUND RUDE
The ability to connect with what we feel inside and then express that outloud using language is a learned skill and uses differing parts of the brain.
The ability to do that AND package the language into a “socially accepted” format is a higher formatted skill. It takes time.
Expecting a 2, 3, even 7 year old to master this is far too great a demand.

And in my POV many adults haven’t even mastered this yet 😅

So I allow them to sound rude- to me, to others.
I focus initially on what they are saying and then I speak back and model how I want them to learn to communicate.

As they grow I start to add in reminders “I hear you, can you say that in a different way for me?”

My focus is FIRST on helping them be confident expressing themselves. Refinement of language and tone come later.

And I’m not talking here about swearing at me and others, I mean them expressing what they want need or feel and allowing myself to hear what they are saying through the “rudeness of delivery”.

Little brains are still factual in expression “I want an apple” isn’t rude it’s truth. We teach by how we ourselves speak and interact with the world.

Trust me, as an ultra polite people pleaser this one has been hard work for me personally 😅

New Year
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Terrigal

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