The Glow Edit by Maria

🔔 I rang the bell today. ❤️

Five rounds of IV chemotherapy — DONE. 🥹

One big chapter finished, but the treatment isn’t over yet.

Next stop: chemo + radiotherapy.

One step at a time. ❤️

Life, Unedited: Apparently I’m going to uni… and opening a bakery 😂

After last week’s post about everything cancer has taken, this week feels like the complete opposite.

Somewhere amongst chemo, hospital appointments and everything that’s changed, normal life is still carrying on too.

And apparently normal life now involves me making a slightly ridiculous amount of bread.

So far I’ve made white bread, sundried tomato & olive bread and cinnamon & raisin loaves, and I’m getting far too pleased with myself every time one turns out properly.

My son has suggested that while The Glow Edit is on pause, I should launch The Loaf Edit instead. 🍞

Rich and I have also signed up for a part-time university course in Greek starting at the end of September. 🇬🇷

I did the same beginners course about 20 years ago and I’ve always loved languages, especially Greek, so for me it’ll be a refresher. Anyone who knows me well will also know I’ve attempted plenty of very confident, probably questionable Greek after a few drinks over the years. 😂

For Rich, it’ll be the first time he’s learnt another language.

We’ll be going right back to the beginning — alphabet, greetings, numbers, food and drink, directions, conversation and the grammar bits I’ve probably forgotten.

Rich has already decided that with my head start and competitive streak, I’m going to be an absolute swat, desperate to get everything right and probably completely unbearable with it. He knows me far too well.

I’ve also told him there’ll be no slacking and he will be doing his homework.

His response? “OK miss.” 🤣

The last few months have been full of treatment dates, scans and bloods, so it feels nice having something normal to look forward to that has nothing to do with cancer.

Cancer may be taking up a huge part of my life at the moment, but it doesn’t get to take up all of it.

I want to remember the bread, the laughter, learning Greek with Rich, making plans and finding little things to enjoy too.

Although at this rate, by October I’ll be running The Loaf Edit from the kitchen while Rich is in the corner doing his Greek homework. 😜

Life, Unedited | Cancer is a thief.

I read something last week that described cancer as a thief, and it stayed with me.

Because it doesn’t just steal your health.

One minute you’re living your ordinary life—making plans, booking holidays, working, worrying about things that now seem insignificant.

Then someone tells you that you have cancer.

Suddenly there’s a definite before and after.

Cancer steals the certainty you never realised you had. You assumed you’d be here next year, and the year after. There would be another summer, another holiday, another birthday.

Then you’re talking about tumours, lymph nodes, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, operations and stoma bags—things you never imagined you’d have to face.

It steals your relationship with your body too. Before cancer, an ache was an ache. Feeling tired meant you’d done too much. Now everything gets noticed.

Is that normal?
Is that the chemo?
Is that the cancer?
Should I be worried?

Your body stops feeling private. It’s scanned, prodded, needled and discussed by more strangers than you’d care to remember.

Your diary gets stolen too. Instead of clients, dinners and holidays, it’s blood tests, chemo days, scans and hospital visits.

And perhaps the strangest thing it steals is the ability to have a bad day without feeling you should be handling all this brilliantly.

People tell me how positive I am. And I am. I believe I’m going to get through this.

But being positive doesn’t mean I’m not frightened.

I still lie awake wondering whether the treatment is working. I still desperately want my old life back. And I don’t always feel brave.

Most of the time, I’m simply doing the next thing because there’s no other option.

But cancer hasn’t taken everything.

I laugh. I make plans and look at holidays I want to take. I think about my business. I still have ordinary days where I almost forget I’m ill.

And maybe that’s the bit I’m learning.

Cancer barged into my life without an invitation and took far more than I was willing to give it.

But it doesn’t get to have all of me.

And I’m certainly not handing over my future without a fight.

Life, Unedited — The people carrying me through it…

Something I’ve realised over the last week is just how much all of this affects the people around me too.

Obviously I’m the one with cancer. I’m the one having the chemo, going through the side effects and wondering what the next few months are going to look like.

But I’m definitely not the only one living it.

I see it most with Rich.

His day-to-day life has changed so much too. He still gets up and goes to work every day, but he also cooks every day, cleans, does the shopping, walks Barney, comes to appointments and generally keeps our life ticking over when I can’t.

And apparently he now has to deal with my random food cravings too. 😂

Last week I suddenly really fancied homemade bread-and-butter pudding.

Now, Rich has never baked anything in his life, but that didn’t seem to bother him. He decided he was making me one.

The district nurse happened to be here flushing my PICC line when he popped his head in and said:

“Totally unrelated… what’s caster sugar?”

She explained what it was and told him that if we didn’t have any, he could try blending normal sugar.

Next thing I know, my district nurse has gone from flushing my PICC line to standing over Rich in the kitchen watching him trying to make caster sugar in the blender. 😂

It really made me laugh, but actually that probably sums Rich up better than anything.

Whatever I need, he just gets on with it.

And I know it can’t be easy for him either. I can talk about how I’m feeling because everyone asks me. He’s the one watching the person he loves go through it, while still trying to hold everything else together.

It’s not just Rich either.

I’ve seen the effect this has had on all of my family.

One of my sons has decided to volunteer as a Macmillan Buddy so he can support someone else going through cancer. I can’t really put into words how proud that makes me. Something horrible has come into our lives and he’s decided to take something from it and use it to help somebody else.

My sons and daughter-in-law are always checking in, asking how I am and making sure I know they’re there.

And then there’s my teenage grandson.

Before cancer, getting a hug or kiss out of him could result in a full Perry and Kevin performance. 😂

Now I get proper hugs and kisses, and even little text messages checking how I’m doing.

I’m making the most of that one because I fully expect normal teenage service to resume at some point. 😂

I think one of the biggest things all of this has made me realise is just how lucky I am.

I’ve said to Rich a few times that I honestly don’t know how people go through this on their own.

There are days when I’m tired, scared, fed up or just don’t feel like myself, and there is always somebody there.

And I don’t take that for granted.

I’ve always believed you find out who your people are when life gets difficult.

The last few weeks have proved that to me over and over again.

I might be the one having the treatment, but there are a whole load of people going through this with me.

And I hope they all know just how much I love and appreciate them. 🤍

Life, Unedited — Things to look forward to

Over the past week, I’ve been trying to focus more on the things waiting for me on the other side of all this.

I’ve also started matching my PICC line covers to my outfits, because apparently one was never going to be enough. 😂

Looking through our holiday photos made both me and Rich far more emotional than we expected. We’ve been so lucky to have had some amazing holidays and experiences, and it really brought home how much life has changed in such a short space of time.

We’ve also had to cancel both of the holidays we had planned for this summer, which has been hard. But looking back through those photos reminded us how much we still have to look forward to.

Not being able to plan anything properly is difficult because I’m usually happiest when I’ve got a holiday to research within an inch of its life. 😂 So we’ve started talking about our big “I beat cancer” trip instead. We have no idea where it will be yet, but the thought of booking something completely ridiculous and wonderful is helping us both.

I’m also thinking about picking my Greek back up. If I’m going to spend this much time at home, I should probably come out of it able to say more than hello, thank you and where’s the wine. 🇬🇷😂

And it’s not only the bigger things helping. The check-ins from my sons, daughter-in-law, friends, clients and everyone who has taken the time to message have meant so much too. Even a simple “How are you today?” can make a real difference, especially on the quieter days.

There have also been some really lovely moments with people I don’t even know.

A lady commented on my last post to say she was having her first chemotherapy that week. Afterwards, she came back and told me my photo had been in her head while she was there. I still can’t quite believe something I posted helped somebody else feel a little less frightened.

Then, during my own first treatment, another lady who had already been having chemotherapy for over a year saw how scared I was. Her husband came over and handed me a bracelet with the words

“Don’t let the hard days win.”

And yes, of course I cried.

My second round is tomorrow. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, but getting through the first one has made the next one feel slightly less unknown.

So for now, I’m holding onto the holiday plans, the Greek lessons, the kindness of strangers, the messages from my family and friends, and the thought that every round gets me closer to that ridiculous blowout trip.

Round two tomorrow. Let’s do this. 🤍

Life, Unedited — One round down

Last Monday, I shared the news that I’d been diagnosed with cancer and that The Glow Edit would be taking a pause while I started chemotherapy.

The weeks leading up to it had been a blur of MRIs, CT scans, blood tests, doctors’ appointments and meetings with my oncologist. Everything felt surreal, almost as though it was all happening to someone else.

Then the day of my first chemotherapy arrived, and suddenly it didn’t feel surreal anymore.

Before I even sat in the chair, I burst into tears. I felt completely overwhelmed by it all. The whole situation felt so alien to me because I’m normally the one who keeps going, sorts things out and just gets on with it.

My husband kept telling me, “You can do this. You’re going to get through it.” He has been amazing through every part of this, and somehow I managed to pull myself together, sit in that chair and begin.

Although I did find myself wondering whether they’d think I was high maintenance if I asked to bring my new fully electric olive-green treatment bed in for the next round. 😂

Now, one week later, my first round is done.

And honestly, it wasn’t as awful as I had built it up to be in my head. I know the effects can build as treatment goes on and that every round could be different, so I’m not getting ahead of myself. But for now, I’m grateful that this first one has been more manageable than I feared.

I’m also very aware that although I’m the one going through this physically, Rich and the rest of my family are going through it emotionally too. Cancer doesn’t just affect the person having the treatment. It affects everyone who loves them.

The messages, cards, gifts and kindness I’ve received have meant more than I can say. I haven’t managed to reply to everyone yet, but I have read every message, and knowing how many people are behind me has genuinely helped.

I’m taking the wins where I can, and getting through that first round feels like a pretty big one.

One round down. One step closer. 🤍

P.S. Cancer or no cancer, I’m still going to remind you all to wear your SPF in this heat ☀️😂