Bek's Beauty

SO… A LOT HAS HAPPENED 🤣😭

I actually wrote a whole update about us finally getting home from hospital… and then didn’t even have time to post it because, well… LIFE. 😂

So here’s the ..delayed update!

We’re HOME 🥹💗

Whatever little bug Laynie was fighting seems to be clearing up 🙏🏻 All her observations and bloods came back okay, her colour is so much better and she’s not mottled anymore, which is a massive relief.

She’s still sleeping A LOT though 😴 and feeding isn’t brilliant, but we’re keeping a really close eye on her.

They think she’s got pretty bad reflux on top of the colic, so hopefully now we can get her started on the prescription they’ve given us and get her a bit more comfortable.

BUT…

WE’VE HAD A POONARMI!!! 💩🎉🤣

Honestly, I have NEVER been so excited to see a poo in my entire life. 🤣🤣

She hadn’t been since Sunday and after everything we’ve been through this week, I genuinely could have thrown a party when she finally went. 😂

I’m really hoping now she’s managed to go, she’ll start feeling a bit more comfortable and we can get her feeding a little better too. 🤞🏻💗

She’s still having lots of sleepy days and I’m keeping a very close eye on her, but she’s looking so much better than she did earlier in the week.

And in amongst all of this we’ve also had…

💙 Heidi’s glucose levels finally starting to settle with the extra insulin
💩 A newborn finally doing a poo
🤮 Me being projectile vomited on
🚽 Me being w**d on
⛽ No gas during the day because they’ve dug up the whole bloody road, including up our drive
⚡ No electricity on Wednesday
🏥 A hospital stay
😭 Very little sleep
👶🏼 And a very clingy little Velcro baby

So yeah… that’s probably why I haven’t been posting much. 🤣

I’m hoping things are finally starting to settle down now and we can just stay home, have lots of cuddles and get Laynie feeling back to herself.

And I promise…

THE BIRTH STORY IS STILL COMING. 🤣🤣

I just need approximately 5 minutes where nobody needs me, nobody is sick on me and nobody needs their blood sugar checking. 😂💗

SO… THERE’S BEEN NO BIRTH VIDEO YET! 😭🤣

And there’s actually a very good reason why…

The last few days have been a bit of a bloody whirlwind and, to be honest, I’ve barely had time to think about anything other than keeping my girls okay. 🥺💗

Monday started with Heidi’s diabetic review and unfortunately, it wasn’t the news we wanted. 😭

Her HbA1c has gone up to 82 when it should ideally be below 48, so it’s obviously something we need to get back under control. We’ve had to increase all of her insulin again, and I spent pretty much the rest of Monday on the phone with school trying to get some more support in place for her while she’s there.

Then Tuesday morning it was Laynie’s turn for her 3-week check with the midwife.

The good news was she’d gained weight and was now 6lb 6oz 🥹💗 BUT the midwife noticed that her skin was really mottled and she was struggling with her feeds, so she sent us off to Chorley Hospital to get her checked over.

All her observations came back clear, thankfully 🙏🏻, so we were given the option of going to Preston to PAU or seeing how she got on at home.

As we'd already been there for a few hours and she seemed okay, I decided we'd see how she got on.

Then Wednesday morning we officially registered her… so she’s now officially a little person! 🥹🤣💗

And we thought, BRILLIANT… she had such a good night!

She slept from 11pm until 6:30am 🙌🏻 which felt like bloody luxury after the last few weeks 😂

BUT then she was SO sleepy all day.

Like… struggling to wake sleepy.

By around 4pm I was getting worried, so I rang the health visitor who advised me to call 111.

And let’s just say… after I explained Laynie’s symptoms, 111 decided they wanted an ambulance out. 🚑

Because there was going to be over an hour wait, I decided I would just bring her myself, so the ambulance was cancelled and off we came to Preston.

And we’re STILL HERE. 😭

She’s had bloods taken and they’ve been keeping a close eye on her feeding.

She also hadn’t managed a proper poo since Sunday 😕 which obviously isn’t helping with all the wind she’s got.

We did manage to get a tiny bit out last night after stripping her off and literally holding her over a plastic pot… 🤣

Although she then decided to wee absolutely EVERYWHERE over me while I was trying to catch a sample. 😅

Trying to get a urine sample from a tiny newborn is an absolute nightmare, by the way. 😂

She has managed to feed a little bit more now, which is good, but one of her blood results showed her potassium is high, so they’ve taken more bloods to check everything again.

Her skin is still really mottled and she’s either DEAD sleepy or fighting sleep like her life depends on it. 😭

She’s also got conjunctivitis in both eyes and just generally isn’t quite herself.

She’s definitely fighting something… we just don't know exactly what yet.

The good news is her dehydration is okay today, which is a positive because yesterday that was something they were keeping an eye on too. 🙏🏻

So we’re basically just hoping she keeps feeding, stops being sick, manages to have a bloody poo 😂, gets some of this wind out and that all the tests come back okay so we can hopefully get home tonight.

Because as much as I love the NHS… I REALLY don't fancy another night in hospital. 😭🤣

So yeah…

That’s why there’s been no birth story video yet! 😂

I promise it IS coming.

But right now my tiny little Velcro baby needs her Mummy cuddles more than Facebook needs a birth story. 🥺💗

Hopefully we’ll be home tonight and I can get back to normal life… whatever the bloody hell normal is with three girls. 🤣

Keep your fingers crossed for our little Laynie bug. 🥺🤍👶🏼

OKAY… THE BIRTH STORY IS COMING THIS WEEK!! 👀👶🏼💗

Matt is off work 🥳🥳 which means I MIGHT actually be able to put my Velcro baby down long enough to video the bloody thing 🤣🤣

Although knowing Laynie, the second I put her down she’ll wake up and want me… so we’ll see how that goes 🙃😂

BUT today is actually a bit of a happy and sad day for me. 🥺

Today was my due date… 2 YEARS AGO.

Which means, if everything had gone differently, I should have a two year old today. 😢

Instead, I’m sat here cuddling my little Laynie bug.

And it’s such a strange feeling because yes… I still miss the baby I could have had. I think I always will. 💔

I still think about the babies we lost every single day.

But at the same time, if I hadn’t lost the babies, Laynie wouldn’t be here.

And that’s such a difficult thing to get your head around.

I can miss the babies I lost and still be completely grateful for the baby I have.

Both things can exist at the same time. 🤍

I just hope that wherever my babies are, they’re being looked after by my Grandad David. 🥹🤍

I like to think they’re all up there together somewhere, and that he’s giving them all the love and cuddles they deserve. 👼🏼🤍

ANYWAY… sad bit over 😂😭

THE BIRTH STORY IS COMING!!

Heidi has her diabetic review first thing tomorrow morning, so once we’ve survived that, I’m hoping to get home, put my camera on and finally tell you all exactly what the bloody hell happened when Laynie decided to make her entrance 🤣🤣

So keep your eyes peeled because Laynie’s birth story is finally happening this week! 👶🏼💗

Oh and one more thing… 🤣

Laynie had her FIRST fireworks experience last night! 🎆👶🏼

We even went out and bought her some baby headphones just in case because obviously I was expecting her to absolutely hate the noise 🙈😂

Safe to say… the noise does NOT bother this girl one little bit.

She slept through the whole bloody thing. 🤣🤣

Not a single care in the world.

Meanwhile I’m there thinking we need to protect her ears and she’s just completely passed out like she’s at home. 😂😭

Honestly… this baby 🤣💗

OKAY… so I had my whole birth story written up ready to post… and now I’m wondering if I’ve left it too late?! 🤔🤣

Laynie bug is 17 DAYS OLD now… so do we still care about hearing how she actually arrived?! 😂👶🏼

I’ve had it all written up ready to go, including all the drama, the ridiculously quick labour, Matt abandoning his Starbucks 🤣, the fact she decided to make her grand entrance at the speed of light and all the other chaos that came with it!

BUT… it’s going to have to wait until next week now because my poor little Laynie isn’t very well today bless her. 🥺💗

She keeps being sick, is really restless but at the same time just wants to sleep and have cuddles, so obviously I’m not putting her down.

She’s currently very much a “Mummy is my bed” kind of baby 🙃🤣

She’s also been bringing her milk back up and having a couple of scary moments where she’s nearly choked on her sick, so I’m just keeping a very close eye on her today and giving her ALL the cuddles. 🥺🤍

So the birth story can wait.

Baby comes first. Always. 💗

Evan the dog is checking on her 💕💕

BUT… tell me honestly…

Do you STILL want the birth story next week?! 👀🤣

Because I’ve spent ages writing the bloody thing and I refuse to let it go to waste hahaha.

And if you’ve made it this far… I’m taking that as a YES. 😂💗

THE KISSES FROM THE ANGELS 🥹👼🏼💗

Laynie has a few little birth marks… one across her forehead and down her nose, one on the top of her lip and one on her eyelid.

There’s an old saying that when babies are born with marks like these, it means they were kissed by an angel before they were born. 🥹🤍

And I absolutely LOVE that thought.

I like to think those little marks are kisses from the babies we lost, and from my Grandad David. 🥹

My Grandad was my favourite person in the whole world and I miss him more than I could ever explain. I know he would have absolutely adored Laynie… and Millie and Heidi too. I can just imagine him fussing over all three of my girls and making them laugh. 🥹💗

So I like to think that before Laynie came to us, she got a few little kisses from the people who couldn’t be here to meet her. 🤍

And maybe that’s why I feel so strongly about the people who ARE here.

You can’t force someone to be part of your child’s life.

I’ve always said that you’re either in her life or you’re not.

I’m not going to chase people to ask about them. I’m not going to beg anyone to come and see them, And I’m not going to keep opening the door for people who want to come and go whenever it suits them.

If you want to know them, you’ll make the effort.

If you want to see them, you’ll ask.

If you want to be part of their life, you’ll show up.

And if you don’t… that’s your loss.

It makes me sad because there are people who haven’t met Laynie, haven’t even asked about her, and some who weren’t really there throughout my pregnancy either.

And honestly, I’ll never understand it.

Because I know my Grandad would have given anything to meet her.

He would have been so excited to have another little girl to love, and I wish more than anything that he could be here.

But I also know he’s looking down on us.

So when I look at those little marks on Laynie’s face, I’m going to choose to believe they’re kisses. 🥹🤍

Kisses from the babies who couldn’t stay.

And kisses from my Grandad David, who I miss every single day.

Maybe she was already loved by them before she even got here. 👼🏼💗

And I think that’s a pretty beautiful thing to believe. 🥹

5 YEARS OF HEIDI’S DIAVERSARY 💙🩷

Today marks 5 years since Heidi was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

And I know some people might wonder why we call it a diaversary or why we “celebrate” it…

Because we’re not celebrating diabetes.

We’re celebrating HER. 💙

We celebrate the little girl who was thrown into a life she never asked for at just 7 years old.

We celebrate everything she has learnt, everything she has overcome and everything she does every single day that most people will never even have to think about.

We celebrate the fact that despite diabetes being bloody hard, she is still just Heidi. Funny, kind, stubborn, crazy, cheeky and completely herself. 🥹

We celebrate the 5 years of her LIFE since that diagnosis.

The hospital trips.
The sleepless nights.
The injections.
The finger pricks.
The alarms.
The highs.
The lows.
The tears.
The fear.
The constant calculations.
The “Mum, I’m high.”
The “Mum, I’m low.”
The endless worrying.

And somehow, through all of that, she’s still managed to be the most amazing little girl. 💗

So yes, we celebrate her diaversary.

Because we celebrate her life.

And today is even more special because it was also supposed to be Laynie’s due date. 🥹

Five years ago, I could never have imagined that this date would one day mean so much for so many different reasons.

Today we celebrate our Heidi girl. 💙

5 years of being the strongest little diabetic warrior I know.

I’m so bloody proud of you, Heidi. Always. 🥹💙🩷

If you’re currently doing this pose with your baby… this one’s for you. 🤍

Because I’m currently right there with you. 😭🤣

Laynie was SO content when she first came home. Honestly, she was the dream baby… sleeping, feeding, cuddling and generally just being happy to exist. 🥹

And then…

COLIC ENTERED THE CHAT. 😭🙈

Now we’re in the stage where she can’t seem to settle unless she’s upright, and the second you put her down it’s like someone has personally offended her. 🤣

You spend half the night walking around with them upright, bouncing, rocking, winding and wondering what the hell they actually need.

Are they hungry?

So you offer milk…

And then they have a few sips and refuse the rest because they’re actually full of wind and uncomfortable. 😩

Then the panic starts…

“They haven’t had as much as normal.”

“Are they getting enough?”

“Why are they crying so much?”

“Are they poorly?”

“Why can’t I settle my own baby?” 😭

And before you know it, it’s 3am, you’re exhausted, baby is screaming in pain and you're sat there feeling completely overwhelmed.

I GET IT.

I’m literally living it right now.

And honestly, it’s hard.

Especially when you’ve gone from having such a content little baby to suddenly watching them be uncomfortable and not knowing how to make it better. 💔

But if you’re in this stage too…

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 🤍

So many of us have been sat in exactly this position at stupid o’clock in the morning, cuddling a baby upright, surviving on coffee and wondering when the bloody hell it’s going to get easier. 😩☕️🤣

The nights feel SO long when you’re in them.

But they will pass.

You will sleep again.

Your baby will settle again.

And this will eventually just be another stage you look back on.

So if tonight is another night of cuddles, crying, winding, rocking and sitting upright…

Give yourself some grace. 🤍

You’re tired.

You’re learning.

Your baby is learning.

And you’re both doing your best.

It won't always be like this. ❤️

We’ve got this.

One very tired cuddle at a time. 🥹🤍

And if anyone has any magical colic/reflux tricks… I’m all ears because currently I’m willing to try bloody anything. 🤣🙈

The infacol clearly isnt working 😭 and gripe water isnt allowed any more!

LET’S TALK POSTPARTUM BODIES… 🤍

I wasn’t sure whether to post this because body confidence has always been a bit of a complicated one for me.

I put 4 stone on during pregnancy, which I completely understood was part of growing a whole bloody human 🤣🙈 but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to watch your body change.

Having struggled with eating disorders when I was younger, I think I’ll probably always have that little voice in the back of my head questioning my body and how I look.

But 11 days postpartum, I actually look at myself and think…

You know what? I look pretty bloody good. 🤣🙌🏼

My body has already changed so much since having Laynie, but honestly, I have no idea what it’s going to do from here.

I’ve lost some of the pregnancy weight already, but do I think I’m going to magically lose the rest and get my old body back?

Probably not. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

And maybe that’s okay.

I’m slowly learning that “learning” is a big word for me when it comes to accepting my body.

Maybe I won’t always love what I see.

Maybe some days I’ll feel confident and other days I’ll pick myself apart.

But I’m trying to appreciate what this body has actually done instead of just worrying about what size it is.

This body has grown THREE babies.

It has carried me through pregnancies, miscarriages, scans, worries, sleepless nights, and everything else life has thrown at me.

It has birthed three beautiful girls.

And now it’s feeding my third little human. 🤍

So maybe my body doesn’t need fixing.

Maybe it deserves a bloody medal. 🤣🏅

I’m not saying I’ll never want to lose weight or feel fitter again because of course I might… but I don’t want to spend my life obsessing over a number on the scales or trying to get back to a version of myself that existed before my babies.

I want to learn to be proud of the body I have now.

Because the human body really is an incredible thing. 🥹🤍

And if 11 days after giving birth I can look at this photo and genuinely think “I actually look alright!”…

I’m going to take that win. 🤣🙌🏼❤️

And let’s be honest… there IS one major positive to my body changing…

NEW CLOTHES. 🤣🤣🙌🏼

Because if my old clothes don’t fit, what am I supposed to do?!

Obviously I need a whole new wardrobe. It would be rude not to. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

And we all know I’m never going to complain about having an excuse for a trip to the Trafford Centre. 👀🛍️🤣

So really… my postpartum body is basically just giving me an excuse to go shopping.

I’ll take that. 😂

Okay… I think it’s finally time 🤣🙈

You’ve ALL been asking for the Laynie birth story and I’ve finally decided I’m going to tell you it… 👀😂

BUT now I have a dilemma…

Do I write the whole thing out in a post?

OR…

Do I actually brave it and do a TALKING VIDEO and tell you all what happened?! 🤣🤣🙈

Because honestly, there is A LOT to tell and it was a bit of a bloody whirlwind 😂

And I feel like me actually telling you what happened might be much more entertaining than me trying to type it all out 🤣

So… what do we reckon?!

COMMENT: POST 📝 or VIDEO 🎥 👀🤣

I’ll let you decide because apparently you’re all invested in the Laynie saga now 😂👶🏼💗