Alex Olds Holistic Therapies

AND THEN THINGS CHANGE

I returned to yesterday’s drawing today and added an eye and a little colour . The original line remains exactly as it was, yet suddenly, I see another story.

This is one of the things , I find so fascinating about creative expression. An image doesn’t have to hold just one meaning.

It can evolve , invite new perspectives and open conversations , we hadn’t anticipated.

Sometimes the smallest addition changes not what is there but what we are able to see.

A journey that twist, turns, loops, pauses, sometimes goes backwards, yet continues moving.

Looking back…

I have been looking back at my mandalas about 120 recently. Some were made immediately after a Holotropic session, others days later or weeks later as part of my integration.

I remember that when I first began to put colour onto paper , it was almost impossible . I remember staring at that blank piece of paper and finding it extremely difficult to trust what was waiting to come.

Today , I understand it very differently. Trusting the hand , trusting the colour, trusting the image and of course myself.

I have come to experience art as a way of giving forms to something that may not yet have words.

At first some of my own images felt completely alien to me. I often thought “ where is this coming from?”.

Looking back now , I can see clearly that every one came from me . I see the thread that links them all. I find it , beautiful today.

They are vehicles to conversation. I find myself still being curious about them today and hope that in years to come understand even more.

The journey has been : the music , the breath and then the art.

The music opened something. The breath allowed me to experience it . And the art gave me another way to express , explore and integrate what had emerged.

I invite you to look John Ablett , who has drawn some very powerful and beautiful mandalas .

Grof Transpersonal Training (GTT)
Holotropic Italy • GTT Breathwork

On September 23rd , I will turn 60 and on the 23rd of September, I will start university 🧑‍🎓.

It still feels so strange to write this down.
At 60, I am starting an MA in Art Psychotherapy.

It is not that long ago that I could not imagine myself here. My path has not been conventional. There has been many chapters, many detours, many difficult places and many moments when I had to fight for what I believed was possible.

Over the last few years , something has changed. Through my own inner work, art, Breathwork, creativity,and the courage to look a bit deeper, I have discovered parts of myself , that I did not know where there for me.

Recently when, I looked back of one of my mandalas, as I said “ I realised something”:

The book did not change. I DID.

Today , I am not looking at what is behind me or the regrets that may be , I should have done it sooner . I am excited and curious about what is waiting for me!!

It was never too late .
It is the right time.

That book is finished.
A new one starts 🙌🦋

Today , I was reflecting on what makes a facilitator so valuable in this kind of work ( Grof Transpersonal Training).
There can be a moment when you are in a breathing session, where you find yourself only being able to say for example that you are afraid . Or it might be something completely different that comes up. The facilitator does not need to say anything extraordinary . They don’t need to have an answer, an explanation or a miracle recipe.

Sometimes it is simply that they are there.

Perhaps in that moment, I become aware that I need someone close to me or that I want to hold someone’s hand and ask for it. That feels important too. Part of the process can be learning to notice what I need, to trust that need enough to express it and to ask for it.

And then to have someone respond simply being there , sitting beside me, holding my hand because I have asked them to or offering agreed touch or bodywork, can be incredibly reassuring. Not doing something to me but accompanying me in something that is already happening.

Having my hand in theirs , being able to say that I am afraid or something else and knowing that someone is there with me in that experience means a great deal. It may seem like a small thing, but sometime simply releasing those emotions ,saying them aloud and putting them into words can feel enormously important because ultimately no one else can really know what is happening inside the person breathing on the mat. That experience belong to them. A facilitator doesn’t need to understand or interpret it or give it a meaning. They can simply be there and witness it.

Being witness, I can feel that I am not alone.

In that moment , I am not looking for a miracle cure or for so@wine else to provide answers for me . What I need is connection , a genuine human presence that helps me stay in my own process.

There is something very beautiful about that .

Thank you to all the facilitators who have been there for me from my very freshly open heart.

Grof Transpersonal Training (GTT)
Holotropic Italy GTT

The book did not change . I did .

What amazed me today , is that the healing process , is like learning to read your life backward. You return to something that once made no sense ( an image, a feeling ,a reaction, a memory ) and suddenly you can see what you could not see then. One answer leads you back to another question. One piece connects with another. Things that once seemed separate begin to form a story .

Four year ago , I was holding a story which I could not read.

I had the events
I had the feelings
I had the images
I had the questions

But then , I did not have yet the language to understand how they belonged together.

But that understanding did not simply fall off the tree.
It has taken commitment ,courage, will and determination. And the willingness to keep returning to places , I once run from.

The book was always there.
The story was always mine
The book did not change , I did .

You cannot rewrite what happened, but you can become able to read and understand the story you once could not bear to open.

Thank you so much to Grof Transpersonal Training (GTT) , Holotropic Italy GTT , Sonja Busch , Sara Ballotti Psicologa Psicoterapeuta , all my breathing companions and behond for all@the love and support , care and love .

Today is a big day.

Sometimes determination is simply believing in yourself for one more day , until one day, you look back and realise you made it …

I bought this cup this morning to send to someone who is moving through something overwhelming right now.

The red on the outside represent the intensity of those feelings . The moments that are feeling too big.

The words “ you ‘be got this “ are there to remind them to stay with the unfolding , to breathe and not shut down…

And the soft pink…that is the love. Every time they drink a warm drink , they can imagine love wrapping around them. From the inside out.

A small reminder that they are seen and that in our hardest seasons , being seen matters just as much as remembering to see others in return. To notice their quiet courage , their small steps , their aching heart, doing the best they can.

“ sometimes the smallest reminders are the ones that keep us aligned with where we are going and feeling connected with others along the way is so important”.

Softness meet depth …
I have chosen this soft pale blue mohair for my jumper because it feels soft , gentle, tender to my eyes and touch. As I knit , I am also working with something deep inside …. A raw place . A little uncomfortable. I can’t name it yet . The wool going through my fingers holds the balance for me. The truth that is starting to stir inside of me . They work together to weave something honest , tender and whole .

Some days are more important than others.
Today is an important “ 1”.