relightalopecia

22 years into having alopecia, I’m still having firsts…

Last month was my first time going to a wedding bald!

After asking you to help me choose my dress, I went Team Green 💚

No, I don’t love how my arms look in these photos. Or how small I think my head looks next to my body. 😂

But I got my make-up done, put on the dress, made pals all day and had a blast celebrating our pals getting married.

Living well with alopecia doesn’t mean reaching some magical point where you love every photo of yourself or never feel self-conscious.

Sometimes it’s just doing the thing anyway.

And being really bloody glad you did.

Happy Alopecia Awareness Month!

I’ve been quiet on here.

Truthfully, my body confidence has taken a bit of a knock.

Eczema flares. The heat making me question how I “wear” my baldness. Realising my summer clothes don't fit this year. A whacking load of grief for my pal. And lots of intrusive thoughts shouting at me not to post the photo, not to leave the house, not to be seen.

It’s ironic because a lack of confidence was exactly why I started posting about alopecia in lockdown.

To hold myself accountable. To do the thing anyway.

To prove to myself that confidence isn’t something you gain once you look 'OK'.

Clearly I still need that reminder.

Because there’s so much noise telling us we should have perfect skin, the perfect body and the perfect face. That it’s all only a tablet or treatment away.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t caught myself wondering whether I’d feel better if I could just “fix” the way I look.

But I know for me that is NOT the solution.

So here’s me forcing myself to share some snaps from our fourth trip to the Lake District.

I spent far too long deciding which photos were good enough. Then posted none at all.

The ones where I fixated on the fact I don’t have eyelashes.

The ones where I wish I looked smaller.

The ones where my face looked dry.

Then I looked through them all again tonight.

And realised none of my memories from that weekend have anything to do with what I looked like.

They’re about...ticking off five more Wainwrights. David confidently declaring, “Well, we can’t get any wetter,” moments before we definitely did. They’re about silently questioning his route choices about ten minutes into every walk (hence the🖕🏼) They’re about paddling, panting, sweating my way up and around the fells and feeling ridiculously lucky to be there.

Looking back at these photos, I don’t see everything my brain was trying to convince me to hide. I just see someone who looks happy to be there.

So… I'm posting them.

I haven’t known what to say about Michelle’s passing. Or what to do about it.

I just feel so very sad that my friend is gone.

A woman who was probably the most foundational person in this hair loss community, and certainly in my own alopecia journey.

And I'm sad because I know she was that person for so many others too. So I know many of you will be feeling this way.

But I don't think Michelle would want me to write something sad.

Because she was joyful, hilarious and gloriously bonkers.

I knew that as soon as we met online. And I certainly knew it once I had the privilege of hanging out with her in person.

So I wanted to share why I love her instead.

And I’m going to share a video she sent me when I was doing something BIG and SCARY. It’s one I know I’ll keep coming back to whenever I need a bit of her energy.

And maybe it will do the same for you. 💙