LAF TILL U DROP

How can the dead confirm that they are dead?😐
At first the dead person does not realize that he is dead. He sees himself dreaming of death, he sees himself weeping, bathing, tying the knot and going down to the grave.😐 He always has the impression of dreaming.
When it piles up on the ground.😐 Then he cries🥺 but no one hears his cry, when everyone is scattered and alone on earth,🤍Allah🤍 returns his soul.
he opens his eyes and wakes up from his “nightmare”. At first he was happy 😊and grateful🥲 that what he was going through was just a nightmare and now he has woken up from his slumber.Then the cloth-wrapped man began to touch his body and wondered, "Where's my shirt?"😐
"Where am I?😐 Where is this place?😐 Why is it so dark everywhere?😐 What am I doing here?" 😭And what he is feeling is not a dream,😐 he realizes that he is really dead😐
He shouted as loud as he could: his relatives who he thought could accompany him😐:No one answers.😐
He then recalls that at this time 🤍Allah is the only hope🤍.He cries😭 for him and asks him to apologize.🙏
🤍"O Allah! O Allah! Forgive me O Allah ... !!!🤍
He screams with an incredible fear😐 that he has never felt before in his life😐
😇 If he is a good man, two angels with smiling faces will sit down to comfort him, 😇 then he will do his best service.
🤐If he is a bad person, the two angels will increase his fear and punish him according to his ugly deeds.

🤍O Allah !🤲forgive me and my mother, father and my family and friends🤲🤍

RULES OF FOOTBALL WHEN WE WERE KIDS.
🤣😂😅😆😁😄😂😂


RULE 1
The fat kid was always the goalkeeper. 🤪

RULE 2
The owner of the ball decides who plays. 😇

RULE 3
The one who is not picked was responsible to fetch the ball when it got out of play in order to play the next game. 🤭

RULE 4
When the owner of the ball got annoyed, it's game over. 😏

RULE 5
When you hit your toes against a stone and you noticed blood, you quickly cover the area of injury with sand as a form of first aid and play continues. 😉😉😉😉

RULE 6
You can't dribble the owner of the ball too much, this may lead him to stop the game by taking away his ball. 😀😆😆😆😆😆😆

RULE 7
No offsides and there was no referee.👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

RULE 8
There is foul only if you fell and plenty of dust arise. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

RULE 9
The owner of the ball is always mean 🙄and no one should comment about it or else game over.🤨🤨🤨🤨

RULE 10
The two best players can not play in the same team, so they challenge themselves and pick others. ⚽😆😆😆😆

RULE 11
If you are chosen last it means you are not good and you will remain in defense. 🤭🤭🤭🤭

RULE 12
The best player is always in the same team with the owner of the ball. 😂👍🏽👍🏽🤠😁😁

RULE 13
To distinguish the two teams, one of the teams pulls off their shirts. 👕

RULE 14
There is always a house which when the ball fell in there, we knew game is over. So be careful!! ❌😌😌😌

RULE 15
Game will only be over when it is dark and we could barely see the ball. 😳😳😳

*Then, we all disperse in groups teasing one another until we get home to face another punishment by our parents.* 🧑🏽👨🏽

After reading my jokes and you want to go without adding me abi
It's not fair.
I know you don't want to miss my jokes
All you have to do is to send me request and be my friend
Add Wise Wis Maximilian

God will reward you

*WHICH FOOD DESERVES TO BE THE BOSS OF ALL*
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂🤣

BEANS: I am not suppose to be arguing with you guys. Everyone loves me.

POTATOES: Na audio love, no be all of them dey eat you.

BEANS: I am already the king with or without a crown, na me be number one for this Unit, my face show, my shoe shine, my teeth white.

RICE: Must we even argue about this? Everyone loves me, any function or party you go to, it's me you will see there, if I'm not there that means the party never dey sup be that. Children loves me, adult loves me. Some families can't go two days without cooking me. No cap I am the king of all foods.

YAM: You that people can't buy, you are calling yourself king.

POTATOES: See kettle calling pot black. You wey dey talk, people fit buy you? Eh yam answer me?

YAM: Potatoes I no get your time. As I was saying, people love me because I can be prepared in different ways; boiled, pottage, fried and when pounded I am the king of all swallows with egusi sitting next to me as my queen.

EGUSI: Awwnn! You're making me blush ,stop it. 🙈🙉

OKRA: (Whispering to Vegetable) Upon all the draw wey I dey draw I can't still draw this guys (pounded yam) attention. 🤦🏻‍♂️

POTATOES: Must you rub your relationship on our single faces?😞

SPAGHETTI: I should be the one to be crowned as the king of all foods.

POTATOES: See small nyansh dey shake o! 😏

SPAGHETTI: I no blame you ,people wey tall dey talk, you wey be dwarf dey follow talk. 🙄

INDOMIE: (laughing) that was harsh bro. 💔🤣

SPAGHETTI: As I was saying, I should be the king because I am very fast to prepare and require less ingredients. Ask a student who just came back from class and see what he or she will tell you. 💁🏻‍♂️

BEANS: (laughs)

INDOMIE: Bia...Spaghetti, that your last line is absolutely me and not you.

(Indomie and Spaghetti gets in a heated argument)

Then garri walks in.🚶🏻🚶🏻🚶🏻🙌
😂😂😂😂😂

My friends had been telling me a lot about my beautiful girlfriend cheating behind my back, so I decided to spy on her every movement like a CCTV camera.

After she had finished cooking for me, she gave me a piece of soft kizz on my cheek before walking out with her handbag.

After she had left I dished out some quantity of the noodle and feel my round breakable plate, having my seat on the floor turning on the ceiling fan

Released my belt gently, right now I know everything is ready, I pick up a little of it and feel my big mouth

I swallow the food gently with my eyeballs well-closed just to concentrate on the taste of the food

The food was going down my tummy like a musical rhyme, I heard my phone ringing

I opened my big eyeballs, it was my friend that I placed to give me more information about my girlfriend cheating on me

I pick up the call expecting something useful

"Strawberry your girlfriend just enter one-man house in my street come quick"

Immediately my ear just captured the message, I hung up the call and rushed out without finishing my noodles

I boarded a vehicle, telling him to use full speed so that I can arrive very quick to capture my girlfriend red-handed

Even on the bike, I was still thinking about seeing my girlfriend with the man

I finally arrived in the street

my friend pointed his finger into one beautiful compound and the gate was left opened

my girlfriend was standing with one man holding her hand

I can't hold the pain, I rushed into the compound and hug my girlfriend from behind, that's was not even okay I kiss her on the neck

The man was looking at me with a very dangerous eyes,

"Deborah who is this guy that can't even respect me?"

Daddy, his name is Abdulsalam

Immediately I heard daddy I know my own has finished

Before I could even say sorry, the man have slapped me, immediately the slapped land on my cheek

I staggered like a drunkard and go on my knee, he did not end it there

he called for his other colleagues

A Nigerian man calls his mother ,
Mom I'm HIV infected.
Mom: chinekeeeeeeeee meeee, stay thereooooo,don't come backooooo eiyiuiu.

Son: why mom? I don't have a place anywhere to go I'm coming back home.

Mom: Nooooo my son oooooh, if you come here you will infect your wifeoooooooh,
then your wife will infect your brotherooooooh,then your brother will infect the maid ooooooh,then maid will infect your fatheroooooooh ,then your father will infect meooooooh, then l will infect the garden boyoooooooh, then the garden boy will infect your sisteroooooooh... If your sister is infected eiyiiii the whole village is finishooooooooooh... Stay there my sonoooooiooooh don't come back until you d!eoooooooooooh.....
😂😂 don't spoil the funooooooo😂😂 make others laughoooo😂Add me for more interesting jokesooooooo 😂😂
Thank you 🤣.

I Still don't know y u haven't added my profile 4 more jokes yet o,those who added me as their Facebook friend are testifying already.I pray God touch ur heart to Add me
May God continue to bless you as you

Don't read in public ❗❗❗

I No Understand Why My Own Sunday Just Dey Different😔💔

Me and Okoro decided to go to Redeem church today. We hear say today na one couple's anniversary and deliverance Sunday for the church....., but rice go dey after everything..... It's not Asif I went there for the food, I wanted to be closer to God, to be redeemed..... because na Beans I dey chop Only

We got there on time, na preaching pastor dey do when we enter church..... Rice aroma filled everywhere, you know as how these party Jollof rice dey smell na😫....E dey enter head....I quickly felt my pocket to check if my spoon is still there,......I no dey like use rubber spoon chop, I dey always bring my own spoon....INCASE!😒

It didn't take long, pastor finished and deliverance began..... See everybody already in spirit, keyboardist don dey play ekwueme for background......e remain small thing make I confess say spoon dey me and Okoro pocket, Dem suppose comot that song for gospel songs, that song na emotional blackmail....😫

Deliverance session finished,....the couples did their anniversary and time for sharing food reached😊..... They began from the left and na right I dey but I no talk..... Jesus dey first bless people for right before he go left but Redeem dey always do their things different😥🤕... I Sha keep quiet,.... just dey swallow spit up and down like Eba..... make food no reach me first.😥🤕😕

At last I got my own share,🍝.... Jollof one side, salad dey too with turkey and malt😁😁.... I kept the malt and began eating, the guy wey dey beside me don already finish hin own before I comot my rubberband from my plate. Upon say Dem serve me before am o😰

While I was eating...., Pastor stood up and began walking around the church, according to him .there was an unfamiliar spirit inside the church that was hiding in somebody😊....e be like say that person na from Warri 😁

I wasn't even concerned,....I continued pinching my rice..... I no know how e take happen but Pas

An Igbo engineer can't find a job so
he opens a clinic and puts a sign
outside
"GET TREATMENT FOR 20k -
IF NOT CURED GET BACK 100k".
A lawyer thinks this is a great
opportunity to earn 100k and goes to
the clinic...
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of
taste"
Igbo man: "Nurse, bring medicine
from box no.22 and put 3 drops in
patient's mouth"
Lawyer: "Ugh..this is kerosene"
Igbo man: "Congrats, your sense of
taste is restored. Give me 20k"
The annoyed lawyer goes back after
a few days to recover his money...
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I
cannot remember anything"
Igbo man: "Nurse, bring medicine
from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in
his mouth"
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene.
You gave this to me last time for
restoring my taste"
Igbo man: "Congrats. You got your
memory back. Give me 20k"
The fuming lawyer pays him, and
then comes back a week later
determined to get back 100k.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become
very weak"
Igbo man: "Well, I don't have any
medicine for that, so take this 100k"
Lawyer (staring at the cash): "But
this is 20k, not 100k"
Igbo man: "Congrats, your eyesight is
restored. Give me 20k"
You can't beat an Igbo man... when it comes in time of money 😂🤣💔😂🙆‍♂️please friends
If you come across this I plead you bless me with a FOLLOW...

After 4 weeks of unprotected s3x.

Girlfriend: Hey babe

Boyfriend: Hey babe

Girlfriend: I wanna tell you something.

Boyfriend: Umm ok shoot 💫

Girlfriend: Please promise me you won't get mad.

Boyfriend: (Got a bit Nervous) are u serious or not?

Girlfriend: (Starts to cry) I... I... I.. think.. Babe I think I'm pregnant

Boyfriend: Whaaaaat!

Girlfriend: Yeah... I'm pregnant I missed my period.

Boyfriend: You gotta be kidding right?

Girlfriend: No babe, how can I joke about something like this!

{Boyfriend hang sup the phone.. The girl cried alot thinking she had lost him for Good. She even tried commiting su***de.. After 30 minutes she hears a knock on the door... When she opens it.. Boom it's her boyfriend kneeling down on the floor}

Boyfriend: 200 billions stars, 7 continents, 196 countries, 9 planets, 21 province, 2 capital cities and I have the privilege of meeting a sophisticated, intelligent, motivated, beautiful woman like you .. Let me correct you...
You're not pregnant.. We are pregnant...
We are both responsible for the baby.. I will support you and our baby.
So the love of my life. Will you marry me!

Girlfriend: The pregnancy is not yours..

Una say wahala be like wetin again abeg 🙆😂😂😂.

I still don't know why you haven't added my profile for more jokes yet o,those who have clicked the "Add friend button" on my profile are testifying already.I pray God touches your heart to Add me for more interesting jokes❤️.

Kindly ADD UP 👉 Olubunmi T. Israel II
Plz don't ignore,
May God continue to bless you as you do so❤️.

1. A kiss can Reduce or Remove Anger But when it's too deep, it can Remove Cloth, pant and bra...😋😋😋 But sometimes if you try it when someone that's not in the mood it can bring hot slap😂🙆‍♂️

2. Some girls be like "I don't like fake guys"
My sister is that Brazilian hair you are
putting on ur own?
Is dat ur long eyelid ur own?
Or is your colour your own?
Yes you, am talking to you, I mean u sister
don't look back😂

3. Chai today I was busy deleting ugly
people on my list before 2022...
I almost deleted myself😂😂

4. Nigeria parents be like, remind me to buy
your cane before we get home
Am I mad?😂

5. Then bill gate said to me, please sign this
autograph for me, I woke up immediately
put on my Italian suit and went back to
sleep
How can I dream this dream with ordinary
singlet and boxers.😂😂

6. If you know u lost ur 100,000 Naira tied
with two rubber band, please send me ur
number so that I can direct u where u can
see the rubber bands😋😂

7. At the ATM today, a woman was trying to assist one slay queen to operate the machine and then saw that it was her husband's card
Come see wahala 🤔
I can't separate this fight mpo,I'm going home🏃‍♂️😂

8. If you're arguing with your girlfriend
and she respond by sayings "listen young
man "
Just know she has a sugar daddy😂

9. I just heard my ex was hit by a truck this
morning this life ehhnnn... Nawa oh..
I hope nothing happened to the truck.😂

10. Do you know mouth odour has two major advantages amongst others?....
First,it Separates a fight quickly
Secondly,it wins every Argument.
😂

11. 2hrs in Lagos traffic can turn everyone
in a bus to family friend... I now know that d
woman sitting beside me has 2 kids and her
neighbor is a witch.😂

12: My hand don dey pain me. As you are laughing while reading this post, That's how your 2022 will be filled with LAUGHTERS in the name of God AMEN.☺️

Cutie Why don't you wanna add or follow me for more 🤦‍♂️🥲

Abi I no dey try 🥲🚶

I pray God touch your heart to add or f

this girl nearly k ! l l me today! 😩

so my girlfriend was among this year waec candidate.

the day they finished examinations, she started disturbing me to take her out because she'd finished waec meanwhile she haven't see results yet.

As per say me wey Sapa dey knack cord, I was trying to convince her to wait for her waec results before taking her out so to avoid unnecessary expenses but this girl disagreed saying her results are sure bet that she know wetin she write.

I decided to take her out today with my lastcard, i was shócked when I saw her along with all her friends and siblings to the eatery.

I was busy thinking what to do, while they were eating and having fun, I picked my phone and pretend as if I'm talking with someone.

“hello chima, have been waiting for you, where you dey nau?”.. I said

“eeh you no Sabi the road here? where you dey now, for st.john church? okay wait I dey come to es**rt you now”.. I continued

then I walked out of the eatery, pretending as if I'm meeting with a friend, immediately I walked out of the eatery, I ran as fast as I can.

this people no go Kee me abeg!😅😅😅