Norah Finn Therapy

PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY is not confined to the therapy room. It applies anywhere where one person is providing support, guidance, education, information, care, mentorship, or leadership to another, in a therapeutic, educative, healing, caring or leadership/management role. Whenever there is a relationship where one person has greater knowledge, authority, influence or power.

People need to feel safe to critically think, speak honestly, ask questions, disagree, say no, make mistakes and explore their own thoughts and experiences without fear of judgement, humiliation, coercion or punishment.

The responsibility for creating that safety rests with the person in the helping, information providing, teaching, caring or leadership role. Psychological safety is not just about making people feel comfortable. It is about creating an environment where people can be human, heard, respected, empowered.

Safety comes before learning.
Safety comes before healing.
Safety comes before meaningful change.

Without psychological safety, the relationship itself can become a barrier to the very support it is intended to provide. 💜

YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE A RIGHT TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF 💜
Telling people they need to learn not to argue back is unhealthy. Especially if you’re a woman. I’m tired of the message that the answer to conflict is to stay silent, walk away, or be the “bigger person”. The lesson shouldn’t be “don’t fight back.” The lesson should be: don’t attack people. Don’t bully people. Don’t intimidate people.

If someone comes at you with hostility, disrespect, or psychological aggression, you have every right to stand up for yourself. Refusing to be a doormat, having boundaries, standing your ground, is not aggression. Too often, men who stand up for themselves are called assertive, while women who do the same are called aggressive. Reject that double standard. Refuse to be stereotyped by that outdated patriarchal image

Most of the time, I’m an amicable woman. I enjoy peace, cooperation, and respectful conversations. I’m not looking for conflict.
But if someone brings it to me, they shouldn’t be surprised when I refuse to roll over. I don’t shy away, intimidate easily, or crumble under disapproval. My self-esteem is not dependent on anyone else’s approval.

Raise your voice, and I’ll match your tone. Attempt to shout me down, and you’ll find I won’t be silenced. I don’t believe people should suppress their fighting spirit. There is a difference between being peaceful and being passive. There is a difference between being kind and being a doormat.

I am a lover. I value kindness, compassion, and connection. But I am also a fighter. For me, being whole means being comfortable with both. Love when love is called for. Strength when strength is required.

Love or war, I’ll take each as it comes and respond accordingly. As women, we absolutely have a right and a need to assert ourselves.

Therapy supports us in losing those outdated messages that were placed on us. Don’t be silenced. Don’t silence yourself. That way of relating will make you sick. 💜

THE ONUS IS ON THE THERAPIST to create psychological safety in the therapy room.

Therapy is not a place where the client must agree with the therapist, accept the therapist’s interpretation, make the therapist comfortable, or takes instruction from the therapist.

A psychologically safe therapy room is one where an environment of respectful equality is created. A client needs to be invited, encouraged, and empowered to say:
“No.”
“I disagree.”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“That doesn’t feel right to me.”
- and know they will be respected, heard, acknowledged, and validated.

The therapist holds the professional power in the therapeutic relationship. With that power comes great responsibility. Coercion is the opposite of psychological safety.

A therapist may offer challenge, can question, and at times offer a different perspective, but the therapist must never take away the client’s right to critically think, to choose and to decide for themselves. The therapists personal needs are never met by the client. It is the client who is paying for this professional service. It is the clients needs that are served in the therapy room.

The therapist’s role never includes controlling the client into “better” choices. A therapist “asks”, and doesn’t “tell”. Support is helping another person find their own answers - not giving them yours.

Psychological safety means the client remains free to be themselves in the room. The client is never judged or criticised.

And that freedom is not a luxury. It is the foundation of ethical therapy.

BREAK THE CYCLE OF ABUSE 💜
People who are abusive have narcissistic traits. They don’t respect boundaries. By all means have healthy boundaries, but when you’re dealing with an abusive person they don’t really care about your boundaries.

Many people will attempt to explain how they wish to be treated, but to an abusive person, being treated with dignity and basic human rights really won’t matter to them. Demanding that they honor your boundaries is futile, unless they see a benefit for themselves.

We will not get love, respect, or be treated as we would in any normal healthy relationship. We will only get scraps when they feel that it’s in their interest to give them to you. They are abusers and will trample all over your needs to meet theirs.

They are in control of their behavior and they decide what loving attention you will receive. It is not a mutually loving dynamic. It is not wise to attempt to reason with someone who has no empathy, a sense of entitlement, and feels morally superior to others.

Don’t engage or reason. Don’t ask questions like “why are you treating me that way?”. How many times have you asked that question? Did you ever get an honest answer? Someone who uses abusive tactics will have achieved the desired outcome by you responding in this way. Your hurt and confusion is a twisted form of gaslighting.

Addressing bad behavior with someone who has chosen it disempowers you. That is not a boundary. That is you looking for an explanation from an abusive person. No explanation can justify that type of behavior.

Its is so sad but accepting that you’re going to get scraps is the best way to conserve your own energy. You cannot control how they behave, but you can control how you’ll respond. Hurtful and as unacceptable as it is, you cannot expect good behavior from an abuser.

Get support. Start talking. Educate yourself. Repeated bad behavior becomes a norm. It forms a trauma bond. You are being psychologically manipulated and conditioned. It breaks down our reality and chips away at self esteem.

Recovery from abuse takes time. You can start the process today. Don’t struggle alone 💜

TRIANGULATION is toxic. It is created by a manipulator to divide and conquer. To get what they want no matter what the cost. It is created to destroy and put down another human. It leaves behind a trail of emotional devastation and turmoil.

You’ll never get any good out of this energy. Don’t even try to. It’s a dangerous game. And it’s over as soon as you see the game plan. It is a mentally healthy choice to walk away. Refuse to play that sort of toxic game.

Therapy supports us in recovering from toxic relationships. You do not have to carry this pain alone. 💜

selfcare awareness

PERSONAL EMPOWERMENT 💜
No one but YOU got you to where you are today. Pay attention to anyone who wants to take the credit for your hard work. All anyone can give you is information. The credit belongs to you for what you did with that information. If we’re going to take full responsibility for our failings, then we also need to take full responsibility for all the wonderful things we did for ourself that got us to where we are today.

Therapy supports us on our journey home to self. Our journey towards realizing what an incredible human we are. Do you fully acknowledge what a great human you are? If you don’t, you’ll hand that credit over to another human. Don’t dishonor your hard work in that way. Appreciating others is beautiful, but you have to appreciate yourself first.

Therapy supports us in unraveling the patterns that keep us stuck. 💜

empowerment

If we could bottled that energy! The best day and night ever. Well well done Katie. What a way to lay your gloves down. Not a dry eye in Ireland watching you end your career on such a high note. You deserve everything wonderful in this world. Thank you for all the amazing memories 🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪

“The Gloves are off” - go . Croke Park, here we come. An iconic day. History making 🥊🥊🥊

I will NEVER forget that moment. It happened so fast. We WILL be having a repeat. 🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪