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FB won't allow posting with links more than twice a month, it seems, so I have copied and pasted my latest article from my Substack platform. Hope you enjoy reading it.
Mind the head – mental health and weight loss
Imagine for a moment living in a body which is obese. Feeling uncomfortable in your own skin. The constant inner turmoil, the guilt, shame, sense of failure, lack of self-trust. Maybe this is you right now, it was how I lived for decades. Years of failed diets, trapped in a vicious cycle of over restriction and overeating. Not understanding that the one extreme is the biggest driver of the pendulum swing to other extreme.
Finding IFS
Now imagine finally, after decades at war with your own body, finding a therapy that teaches you that you are not bad, that we all have a true Self (with a capital “S”) who is confident, calm, creative, clear, courageous, curious, compassionate and connected. That these wonderful qualities are clouded by those voices in our head most of us are familiar with, the inner critics that tell us we are terrible people, we have no self-discipline, are lazy, weak, a failure.
Imagine finding a therapy that enables you to see that those voices which appear so negative are parts of us, and they are not bad parts. The voices in our head are trying to protect us from harm, at some stage in life, usually when we were children, they stepped in to try to keep us safe when we were vulnerable. Problem is that, while the intention was good, once they were no longer needed, they could not relinquish their protective roles.
No bad parts
This is a clumsy attempt to briefly describe what Internal Family Systems is and how the therapy was life changing for me, there are numerous videos online that are easy to understand, and lots of books and podcasts. I put a few into the resources at the end of this article.
Developed by Dr Richard Swartz, IFS puts us in touch with those inner voices and teaches us that these are perfectly normal, our mind is not just linear but has many “parts”. One helpful analogy is to think our minds like a school bus, with lots of children along for the ride. The question at any time is, “who is driving the bus”? Is it our Self, that calm curious person described in the introduction. Or is it one of our protector parts? We don’t want to fight against our protectors, after all, they have been working very hard to help us.
There are other therapies which recognise these inner voices but instruct us on how to “reframe them” or get rid of them by mocking them, ignoring them or chasing them away. IFS teaches us to befriend them. Dialogue with them. Keep them on the bus, but not in the driver's seat.
IFS and my personal weight loss journey
How does this work for weight loss? One of my coaches along the weight loss journey loved to say, “if you take care of your head your arse will take care of itself”. Rude but true. Every other failed attempt at weight loss was focused on the latest miracle diet being peddled by some expert or celebrity. This time the biggest difference was focusing on mental health, attitude, and habits. And IFS was central to the mental health aspect.
When we drastically restrict calories, we underestimate just how scary it is for our bodies and brain. Our hungry stomach sends the message to the brain, “we are starving, we are going to die” and the primitive brain responds with a powerful overwhelming urge to eat. Preferably fast acting carbohydrates for instant energy. To save our lives. To lose unwanted weight we need to reassure our minds/psyche that we are safe. This is what drives the binge-restrict cycle
The binge-restrict cycle
Have you ever restricted all day with fantastic self-discipline? All day, or all week, or even all month. Then comes the sugar binge and we have no idea what happened? This is something called polarization. When we over restrict, we have a desperate urge to overeat. It is often a voice in our head which takes over and says something like, “just one small chocolate won’t make a difference”, and then the whole bar is somehow gone. The two parts most triggered in me were those that IFS therapist, Everett Considine, calls “the rebel” or “the food indulger”. The rebel is like a feisty teenager who is not going to do what you say anymore, even if the “you” she is targeting is yourself. The food indulger is the soft kind voice that tells you that you have had such a tough day, you spent the whole day caring for everyone else and now you are too exhausted to care for yourself, so truly deserve a little treat. Or two. Or three. A lovely lady on my recent IFS course decided it was like the voice of the snake in the Disney Jungle Book film!
There are many versions of these voices or parts, you will know your own particular one. Another part is the one that says that you can always start again tomorrow, or better still, on Monday. This is the “last supper” voice. Problem is, that voice urges us to eat everything “bad” in the house, so we can be super perfect from Monday until forever. The Monday that never comes. The perfect that no one ever is.
Be curious
IFS takes time and a lot of curiosity, inner exploration, learning to listen to ourselves and to trust.
With patience and curiosity, trust is built and our “parts” can be befriended, become our greatest allies not our enemies.
There are lots of books, journals and meditations to be found online, but working with an IFS accredited therapist is always the best way. This is especially important if you have suffered significant trauma, as this work allows us to get in touch with and work with the wounded inner child, Richard Swartz calls this our “exiles”.
A somatic approach
IFS is a somatic or body orientated approach, so it is hard to even describe it accurately because it is experiential. It is about learning to be present, because much of our overindulging happens almost in a state of trance, we suddenly wake up and realise we have yet again “blown it”.
To use an obvious pun, when it comes to weight loss there is no “one size fits all” but I truly believe that the key to finally managing to reduce the size of my arse was undoubtedly looking after my head.
A few resources
Everett Considine.com – I found Everett’s course to be life-changing.
IFS Directory | IFS Institute for qualified IFS therapists
Richard Swartz “Introduction to Internal Family Systems pub Penguin Random House
Youtube – there are numerous videos, these are a few:
Dr. Richard Schwartz explains Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Internal Family Systems: Healing Trauma & Restoring Wholeness - Dr Richard Schwartz, PhD
Margaret is a naturopath, herbalist and health and wellness coach living in Ireland. In her mid-sixties she finally managed to shed over sixty pounds of unwanted weight and keep it off. Her passion is to help and inspire others to do the same.
This article is purely for the purposes of information. If you suffer from an eating disorder or feel triggered by anything in the content of the article, please seek help from a qualified therapist.

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