Janet Oluwatosin Okebiorun

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment." — Jim Rohn

Your goals are not the problem. The bridge is.

You can see the other side. You can describe it in vivid detail. But the bridge — the daily, unglamorous, repetitive work — that's where most people turn around.

Discipline isn't exciting. Nobody posts about the 400th rep or the 200th cold call. But that's exactly where the results live.

Build your bridge. One plank at a time.

"Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day." — Jim Rohn

Not complicated strategies. Not expensive programs. A few simple disciplines.

Wake up early. Read for 30 minutes. Write down your goals. Move your body. Reflect before bed.

None of that is hard. All of it is easy not to do. And that's the trap.

The question isn't whether you know what to do. The question is: will you do it today?

Episode 3 in an eight-part series.

The first time I walked into that spa in Lagos, I thought it was just another job interview. They needed a female masseuse, and I figured I had a shot. I submitted my CV and the next day I was asked to come for an interview.

The moment I entered his office (the owner of the spa), he looked up, smiled, and said, “You’re tall and beautiful. That’s good for this line of work.” I just took it as a compliment, smiled back, and sat down. We talked, he asked questions, personal things too, and when I was about to leave he told me not to worry, he’d get back to me. Then he gave me his complimentary card and said, “Call me.”

It sounded strange, but I didn’t think too much of it. I forgot for two days, and when I finally called him, he asked why I had waited so long. And I told him I was busy and apologized. He said he and his friends were going out for the weekend and invited me. I was surprised: here was a spa owner who might employ me, asking me to come out with his friends. I agreed, curious.

When I got there, it was a table of six handsome older men. He introduced me to them as an acquaintance, at first I was the only woman on the table, later another girl joined us. Drinks flowed, they were warm and friendly, and it almost felt like we’d all known each other before. They gave me a whole bottle of Hennessy to myself, and the night was just fun.

By 11 p.m., I was so engrossed with the groove I didn’t even know time had gone. I told him I wanted to go but he refused. He said he didn’t want me to go, that we were going to an apartment from there. That’s when I realized this was deeper than I thought. Around 1 a.m. when we got to the apartment, music was low, lights dim, and it was obvious this wasn’t just a normal “afterparty.”

He took me to one room and asked me to freshen up. When I was done he handed me this bright red, very sexy lingerie and insisted I wear it. I don’t know what came over me, but I just obeyed. It was almost like he had me under a spell.

We went downstairs, I looked across the room and I saw the other girl dressed in the same kind of red lingerie I was wearing and dancing in an erotic manner for the other men. I didn’t act surprised, I was drinking and just waiting to see how this night would turn out. He asked me to stand up and dance, at first I thought he meant normal dance. I told him I didn’t want to dance alone and asked him to join me, he said no, that he wanted me to entertain him just like the other girl was doing. I laughed it off thinking he was joking, but he pressed. When I hesitated, he leaned closer and asked, “How much do you want me to pay you to dance?”

At first I wanted to turn the offer down but I thought about it and I realized I had nothing to lose and money was involved. So I asked him how much he was willing to pay and he said 200K. I thought to myself, just to dance 200K? I bargained a little, and finally he agreed to 250K. No videos, just vibes. At that point, the Igbo girl in me said, take the money nwanyi.

I stood up. The music came on, slow and heavy, and I started moving. At first I was stiff, shy, but the drinks gave me courage. I rolled my hips (Shakira must have been proud of me that night). The red lingerie made it bold, and the way they screamed and clapped fueled me.

Their eyes followed every move. Some of them laughed and covered their mouths, others leaned forward with hunger in their eyes. They slipped cash into my lingerie, threw more cash at me playfully, begged me to go slower, then faster. The more they reacted, the more I lost myself in it.

For those few minutes, I wasn’t just some girl who came for a job interview. I was their entertainment, their fantasy. And deep down, I was enjoying it.
By the end, I was drenched in sweat, I realized I had a hidden talent that night. The music, the lights, the alcohol, the handsome men, their voices urging me on… it was like a scene from a movie.

I didn’t get the job I applied for. But I got something else: a memory, of earning money in the most unexpected way, also discovering a wild side of myself I didn’t know existed.

I won’t want to go into much detail of how the night ended but till today, whenever I see red lingerie, that night flashes back in my mind: the sound of their voices, the feel of the music, the way I became someone else in that moment.

After that night we never saw each other again. He didn’t call me and I tried calling him several times all to no avail. I know to him and his friends they might think they used me that night, but to me I don’t feel that way because in the end everyone was happy.

You are probably like me, you didn’t have to try as hard as others but somehow always come out average or slightly on top, maybe you should read this, maybe you shouldn’t.

I have never had to work too hard for an exam, test, or something I need to get before I move on to another stage. I fail, shrug off and try again. But most of the time, I get through.

But this is a problem. You remain average and get too comfortable with it. I didn’t put in as much work as my peers back in Uni, even though I showed up in most prep classes, I relied heavily on my ability to remember patterns, events, processes, and used that to somehow pass. Maybe a lots of Bs, some Cs, or a lot of Cs, few Ds and Bs. (I got some Fs too sha)

I always knew deep down, that a little push would make me excellent, but is that it?

It became a lifestyle after school years, it sipped into my career, especially the whole of my 20s. I didn’t care if a colleague was trying too hard and getting ahead, or if they just got a nice job at a FAANG or any big tech. I got a lot of people cheering me on to try this or that, ”why don’t you just apply at XYZ, you are very good”. Some of my colleagues see the kind of things I do outside work, and they ask me why I am wasting away, staying where I am not valued.

After a lot of pondering, I had to look past my obvious laziness and frequent burnouts, then I realized something about myself. Whenever I try to do the extra, there is this inertia, I hate it so much. It tests my will. My will to be successful at something was weak AF! I enjoy the process too much, but the will to finish has been my biggest challenge, and it was comfortable to blame other people.

Throughout my failures, averageness, some people keep seeing what I wasn’t. Then I had another realization, I didn’t believe my own hype. I thought to my self, these Nigerians just like to “wash” somebody (I must confess, I can see through some of y’all’s ”hype”).

A little cockiness helped. I started to count my little achievements, began to reward myself for every little thing. I began to believe I am world class, and if anybody doesn’t like it, they can drown in their own bitterness. Something changed, I began to break the walls down, my will to finish became stronger. I say to myself “try a little harder”, “just a little extra effort”, I am not yet excellent, but I ain’t average anymore. With a little more effort, and I may just be the best.

If this resonates with you, my method may or may nor work for you. But remember, you are just as great as you believe you are. Set your mind straight, believe your own hype, if `they` don’t like your energy, let them drown in their bitterness.

-Damilare Femi Akinlaja

Make-up game now on fleek.

If you're in LUGBE, Abuja, contact me for your daily makeup.

Are you going for an interview and need something simple done on your face? You want to look presentable before the panel of interviewers. I am your go-to person.

Call/WhatsApp 09092952552

This girl's eyelashes ehn. It was like my mascara brush wanted to get stuck in there. 😆

How did I do?


She keeps coming back for another session.

Should I concede or shullunt I?

I receive this pressure.

I share with you this pressure.

In my journey, I've been blessed with opportunities that catapulted me to higher levels of income, impact and influence.

There were also those juicy opportunities that I missed, not because I wasn’t competent, but because I hadn’t matured into knowing what that opportunity really represented at the time… so I treated them with levity.

As I opened myself up to counsel and mentorship from those ahead of me, my error rate reduced… and my ascension accelerated again.

In all, I’m grateful for the opportunity to play this game at this level, and to do it young.

Doing it young is something I talk about all the time, and I’d like to appeal to the not-so-young to bear with me and not get emotional about this part of things.

This is not the time to interject and say “You can be 50 and still make it.”

True-ish, yet debatable, but leave that aside. It's not the point.

I’m trying to talk to those in their 20s who will be tempted by life to waste the opportunity of a lifetime.

If you had a child, wouldn’t you like them to do better than you and take advantage of what you couldn’t?

Ehen. That’s the energy I’m on.

Back to the matter.

This ‘bastard money’ we talk about… is very sweet to have while you are young.

And even if you don't exactly make 'bastard money', you will still make enough to get you where you need to go.

And I don’t mean for frivolous expenses, but for critical aspects of your foundation that your 50-year old self would thank you for.

There are certain awards you must win (or at least be nominated for) NOW while you’re still within the acceptable age range.

There are aspirations you must pursue now while the energy and zeal to do so burn within you.

There are stamps on your passport that must be acquired in your 20s, that will make life significantly easier for the 30-year old you.

Step away from those that say "Let no one pressure you".

I am pressuring you now!

You are young and tough. And even more, YOU ARE AFRICAN!

If you can survive this continent, you can handle this little pressure.

If you’re in school, focus on it and finish strong with a 1st class. Nothing less.

Don’t drop out under delusions that you can always go back to school later when you’ve made money.

Which money?

Life is not that straightforward.

90% of those assumptions end up as
“🎶 Vivid Imagination 🎶”

Do what must now.

If you have a mentor that’s helping to ease your journey by sharing life lessons with you, pour into that relationship with everything in you, so that you too can reap the full rewards.

Everything get time limit.

Tomorrow is promised to nobody, and I do not necessarily mean death.

One of you might relocate or life might just switch up and shuffle the deck… throwing you far apart.

It happens.

You don’t want to be one day saying “We used to be close at some point”

There are people I have served so well, they’d do anything for me… ANYTHING, no matter how far they travel… as long as they can see my messages from there.

And there are also people who have served me so well, that I’d do anything for them, years after we stopped working closely together.

Such is life.

In closing this, I’ll share something I learned from my father.

Growing up, he never let me play with my age mates or study with those in my class.

He believed that being the youngest and least intelligent in any crowd was the best way to stretch me.

"Primus Inter pares", he called me.

It's a Latin expression that means "First among equals".

Honestly, it may not be the most perfect life strategy so it probably should not be taken verbatim without due consideration to its downsides.

However, the advantages paid off massively.

Constant communication with people more experienced at the game of life helped me develop a greater appreciation for things that a man my age should ordinarily take for granted.

I always had people I could call and ask about a particular opportunity and they’d tell me in 5 minutes what took them 15 years to learn.

I could call them and complain about someone and after hearing me out, they’d tell me from the benefit of their experience that I was actually the problem, a truth that without them I’d have to toil for years to figure out.

I say all the time that life is a game of snakes and ladders.

When you’re young, it can be hard to tell them apart.

Life no too get template… but it will give you clues if you look for them.

Life no too get blueprint… but you can observe the footprints 👣 in the sand to see where one person sank and where another jumped out.

Life no get any guarantee… but you can improve your odds at winning.

And yes, life has always been a Game of Snakes and Ladders…

And it remains my prayer, that you learn to choose the ladders.

Rooting for you!

— John Obidi

PS: Subscribe to The Wisdom Letters here: https://hsa.to/letters

One is peace, the other is shege. Can you tell which is which?

"The fun part of makeup is there really are no rules..."

-Adam Brechaud

EXFOLIATION FOR THE BUSY WOMAN

Scrub(for scrub users) your face before and take it all the way down your body.

Then wash from face down, with lukewarm water. That way, you would have successfully exfoliated, at least, your face to hip or knee.

Some scrubs are soapy, so you can put some on your bath sponge for use.

You can also do different parts of your body at different intervals, e.g., your legs and feet on days you have small leisure to spare.

These are my own ways since my patience to do it waned drastically, with so much on my plate. 😆 👆