Story and joke

My story
I was in oshodi today I wan to board going to agege .
As i was in waiting for bus one thug just use his shoulder and hit my shoulder .
He look back and hiss I said u are mad
He came back and want to fight me .
I wasn't scared of him because my mind is telling I will beat him
Immediately we want to fight many thug just come there all of them start to beg me to leave the other thug almost 20 people are begging me to leave him
I agree and everyone left me in that spot .
To cut the long story short I can't find my phone ,wallet and earpiece
I told the woman near me that I can't find my belonging she no even answer me

I just dey waka small small go house from Oshodi

Make una laugh small abeg.

A House girl asked her madam to increase her
salary. The madam ask her to give 3 reasons why she need her salary to be increased.

HOUSE GIRL: I can cook better than you.

MADAM: Who told you that?

HOUSE GIRL: Your husband told me.

MADAM: Okay, second reason....!

HOUSE GIRL: I can iron better than you.

MADAM: Who told you that?

HOUSE GIRL: Your husband told me.

MADAM: Okay, last reason.

HOUSE GIRL: I am also better than you in bed (Madam got furious, grab a stick to smash her head)

MADAM: Did my husband say that?

HOUSE GIRL: NO, the driver told me I'm better
than you in bed.

MADAM: Shhhh! Lower your voice please! I will increase your salary immediately. You're such a hard working girl.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Good afternoon everyonel. Enjoy your day...

I went to soilder's barrak today, to report my landlord for being womanizer.
When i got there i was surprise to see my uncle's girlfriend on one soilder's lap romancing each other.
I forgot my mission in the barrack, i went to her, i see her well, this is the girl my uncle almost kill himself for, i greet her,
She eye me and continue with her carrier.
I went straight back home and inform my uncle, my uncle got furious and follow me to the barrack.
When we get to the gate he ask "where are we going?" my asked.
Where your girlfriend was cheating you, i said.
But this gate looks like a burial ground, he said.
Burial ground keh, this is barrack, i said.
And you want me to go in there and fight for a girl, abi you are a basterd, my uncle said and was about to turn back when the soilder came out with his girlfriend.
He gave linda my uncle's girlfriend a hug and she took a bike, my uncle was standing beside a block looking at them.

Hey! You know how to gossip abi, come inside, the man said.
Come where??

GIRLFRIEND

He wanted to commit su***de in other to run away from his debts , unfortunately, he jumped from a hi-rise building and landed on somebody's BMW and survived, he now owes the owner of the car a brand new BMW

I am tired of this life, let me just die and rest in peace, Femi said with rope on his neck.
I sat down and continue watching his foolish act.
Dickson, if i die today make sure you take good care of yourself, i have gone to sleep on the bossom of father Abraham, he said.

Hahahaha! I laugh out loud.
Who told you heaven is sure for you, abi you think them dey do runs for there, bro abeg come down lets continue with this life, i said.

I am not coming down unless everything was okay with Nigeria, he said.

Bro stop this your jokes, me and you know you can't just die like that, remove this rope from the fan and come down, i said.

"No am not coming down... He was yet to finish with his words when the nepa brought light, the fan started rolling fast, the stood he was standing on fall down while he was rolling speedily.
I quickly off the fan, Femi fall down and started breathing heavily.

I swear die no easy, he said still breathing.
Oya climb back make i on the fan, i said.
Dickson you are sick.

Good Friendship

Nah Wetin mammie water I wan date now

NICK THE HOUSE HELP

Episode 3

*It was sunset,a bright day the early morning sun flashes into my eyes, it was monday already. i slowly came down from my bed,say my prayers then walk through my bathroom to freshen up.. After freshening up,Then i opened the door. The sound in the sitting room got me thinking who was there this early,It can’t be my madam because am sure she will be dressing for work.
I came out and saw sara watching mtv base,she never saw me as i walk through the kitchen to warm the meal,I make sure the kitchen is clean then i started cleaning the sitting room,sara was still focused watching the TV. Until i get closer to where she was sitting that’s when she knew i was there.

Me : Madam sara,please excuse me i need to dust the chairs
Sara : Have you dust other chairs?

Me : Yes, I’ve dust other chairs..
*she move to the other chair,while i dust the chairs. My madam soon came out from her room,looking nice and the perfume she spray can take peson pikin to other planets. I greeted her but sara didn’t. Even notice her mum in the sitting room and and her mum said to her.
Mrs Onome : Sweetheart.

Sara : (turned around) Oh mum, I never knew you’re here.
Mrs Onome : I know, don’t you have lectures today?

Sara : I do , but I’ll be going by 10am

Mrs Onome : Ok, that’s fine (she brought out money from her hand bag then gave sara #3000 and turned to me) is the car neat?
Me : Yes ma,, but not the one you used yesterday.

Mrs Onome : Get me the key of the toyota camry.

(I got the key and handed it over to her,, she gave me #1000 to buy detergents, she said she was coming back with a visitor and she wants the house neat.. She said bye to us as she walk true the exit door.. Sara on the other hand went straight to her room and after cleaning the house, I got outside the sitting room to meet tunde who is already listening to his morning news.

Me : Good morning tunde

Tunde : Good morning, how far my #200 nau?

Me : I go give you later, see ehn.. Madam talk say she dey come back with visitor today o,, and as i dey see am,the visitor go dey stay with us for this apartment o.

Tunde : (Oluwa jesu) Na yin be say.. Madam wan send you go back to village o

Me : (shocked) shut up there, which kind joke be this one nau, take time o, no talk wetin i go take vex for you o
Tunde : I dey tell you the real thing, shey you see that letter wey i give madam yesterday, I read am.. The later na from madam sister wey dey village,she talk say the sister go arrive lagos today so madam go pick am if she arrive.

Me :(still looking at him) How that one take affect me?

Tunde : Madam be like say she wan travel o, and she no trust you to stay for this house alone with her daughter.. Na girl she wan carry come.

Me : Na lie, if na true then you own job no secure.. You know say madam late husband and my papa na childhood friend. So you no relate to her at all.

Tunde : (off his radio) meaning?

Me : meaning say dem go trowey you for street.

Tunde : (angry) oyah comot for here *Ode oshi*

Me : You dey pursue me? Ok o

* I took the plates he used to eat last night and went back inside thinking of what tunde just told me.

* what if he is telling the truth?

* No, madam would have inform me nau.

* It might be true,because last night she was discussing with her daughter about traveling issues.

* Or may be the visitor is just coming to help out.

* But I see no work in this house o

(I keep on asking my self questions without knowing the answers to them all. I was not happy because I’ve not done what i came here for.. At least madam would have help me get something doing before planning to send me out, Oh Lord what have i done? I was lost in thought. Not knowing sara have been calling my name. She came closer to where i was seating then she tapped me on my shoulder.
Sara : Nicholas, what’s the problem, ve been calling you but you never answered, ok. Is it because of what i said to you yesterday, am truly sorry.

Me (I don’t know what to say but finally i said to her) Am fine sara.
Sara : but why is your mood like this? Please forget anything that is bothering you,I know have not been good to you,but honestly, you are like a brother to me ok.

Me : *surprised* Am fine sara, I was just having a slight headache, but I’ll be fine.

Sara : Ok.. Can you please make tea for me or should i do it my self since you are not ok?

Me : No, don’t worry, I’ll make it myself, thanks

Sara : *smiled* thank you
( She left me there.. I stood up and walk straight to the kitchen to make tea for her, and also wondering how sara changed suddenly.. Hmmm,Nawaa o,,. I carried the tea cup and also brought bread, gave it to her,as she smiled to me again.. I went to my room.. I wasn’t thinking of what tunde told me this time,I just focused on sara suddenly change. The day goes down,I used the detergent that was remaining to clean the house and make sure everything was neat.
I pocket the money my madam gave to me.. Sara on the other hand did not go for lectures she was home through out the day.. I was waiting for my madam and the visitor, I don’t mind leaving the house,but i was never gonna go back to the village. FORBID
It was 7:30pm already.. I heard tunde opening the gate,finally it was madam,I was looking to see who the visitor was,but she wasn’t so clear to me,because its getting dark, they both came in.. With the visitor carrying her bag.. Nicholas!!! I heard my name, I rushed down stairs, and my madam said to me.

Mrs Onome : where is sara?

Me : she is inside her room..

Mrs Onome : call her for me..

*i went to call sara, she followed me to the sitting room*

Mrs Onome : sweetheart, how are you?

Sara : Am fine mum,and how’s work today?

Mrs Onome : it was fine dear.. Ok guys, meet yvonne. My cousin sister and yvonne meet my daughter sara and my house help, Nicholas.
Sara and Me : welcome yvonne

Yvonne : (to me and sara) Nice meeting to you both.

Mrs Onome : I’ll be going on a business trip tomorrow, Yvonne will be here to assist Nick.. And also be the one to cook while am out, please Nick, I don’t want you to misbehave or start following bad gangs. Take care of the house, and keep them safe, as you can see,you are now the man of the house. I’ll be sending money to sara account for your feedings. And sara please,, always go for lectures just to make mummy proud.

Sara : Ok mum *smiled*

Me : Thank you ma

Mrs Onome : You may go.. Sara ,you and yvonne will share the same room ok?

Sara : Alright.

(We all dismiss,yvonne prepare the meal for that night, I assist her,she is so funny and she doesn’t look like someone whom just came from village,we talked through out the preparation of the meal.. Until it was done.. We served dinner and everybody in the family ate including that werey boy called tunde.. I went to my room, this time. I was happier than ever. Took my bath,say my prayers and slept off.

I Can’t wait to be the man of the house thou.
What do you think?

To be continued….

Just watch out to see what happens in the next thrilling episode...

MR. LECTURER

Episode 1 & 2

Hi guys, my name is Caleb Ezubuike. A young Nigerian and a university lecturer.
I have a story to tell and i really would want you guys to learn something from it. Life is all about lessons and i wish to use my life story to send some messages across.

This is my story >>

Most African university graduates do dream of becoming a lecturer. We all know about the bright future of lecturers, the respect they controlled and the wealth that followed them.
Yea being a lecturer gives one the opportunity to get to the very top if he’s serious about it.
As a lecturer you have a clear path towards becoming a professor and it’s now left for you to work towards making it happen.

I was opportune to travel to Canada for my masters degree, immediately after my Nysc in 2006. I returned to Nigeria two years later and quickly married a family friend’s daughter whose father was equally the Dean of Education faculty in the university that employed me two months after my wedding. I had my life well planned out. I already knew what to do and what not to do in achieving my goals.
My parents were equally supportive and moderately wealthy. They supported me in everything.
Being the last child in the family of two girls, i was overly pampered by my parents and siblings, even after my marriage to Jessica who equally was a nurse in the state General hospital.

I soon started work as a lecturer with a strong spirit towards correcting all the wrongs in the university system. I swore to stand straight in my dealings with students. I swore never to compromise my dignity and be a good man respected by everyone but unfortunately it was easier said than done. Being a lecturer opened my eyes to the realities on ground. Politics and corruption was already well embedded in the university system that you either join in the show or look the other way. I was young and ambitious. The options before me was simply unimaginable.

Hmmmm, well at first i was forced to look the other way and face my classroom work, which i did with great zeal . I handled Bio 101, 102, 201, 202, 301, 354 & 402. It really wasn’t easy for me at all and to worsen my situation some of the senior lecturers i shared the courses with, left everything for me to handle alone and the number of students offering the courses were quite enormous.

But that wasn’t even the major problem. As soon as the first exam i was to participate as a lecturer arrived, more temptations poured in..
The first temptation was from final year student known as comfort. She was the first to tempt me.

How did it all happen??

EPISODE 2

I was resting in my sitting room after a very stressful exam day when my phone rang with its loud ringtone.
I lazily stared at the unknown number calling for some seconds before answering.

“good evening sir” a female voice greeted. I instantly knew the voice belonged to one of my students which made me clear my throat and answer with a gruff voice.

“yea who are you?” i asked seriously.

“hello sir, my name is comfort. I’m one of your students. Please i wish to speak to you. It’s very urgent. Actually i’m in front of your house” she announced, sending me up on my feet with shock.
I was extremely surprised to learn that the girl was in front of my house because I never made the mistake of giving my house address to any of my students.

“you mean you are in front of my house?” i asked to be sure.

“emmm not entirely in front of your house, but inside a shop very close to your house” she answered without fear.

“what do you want?” i asked.

“your help sir” she replied.

“fine wait there. I’m coming out” i replied, hung up and left my sitting room to see what the bold girl wanted. The few months i spent so far in the job had taught me that male students are more scared of lecturers than female students. I couldn’t imagine what the girl wanted from me.

I slowly crossed over to the small shop opposite my house where a very light skinned beauty smiled at me. She was really beautiful and sharply dressed i must confess.

“so what do you want?” i asked seriously, throwing out a frown like a stern lecturer.

“sir you know i’m in final year?” she asked calmly, drawing more anger from me with the question.

“i can’t really recognize your face, what do you want?” i asked again.

“i missed Bio 301 exam today and i can’t just spend an extra year over it. You got to help me please” she said boldly, throwing me into another wave of shock.

“what do you mean i got to help you ehh” i asked with a raised tone. She quickly tried to kneel before me but i stopped her right on time.

“just help me, even if it’s with an “E” i don’t mind doing anything for it” she begged.

“but how come a big girl like you missed such an important Exam?” i asked suspiciously. I already knew how most of the girls travelled around even during exam period.

“i thought the exam was to hold by 12noon as was written on the time table only to discover that it held by 9am” she answered quietly, while i breathed deeply.

“you will hear from me tomorrow, just go back to your lodge and don’t try the nonsense of coming to my house again” i said to her seriously.
_

I really spent most of that fateful night thinking of what to do. A part of me wanted to help her, since i still had the answer scripts in my office and equally was the only lecturer handling the course after Dr Ogbonna travelled to India two months ago, but another part of me frowned over helping her.
I really was caught between doing the right thing or taking the wrong step. It could equally be a set up, which i wasn’t blind about. I just couldn’t reach any decision that fateful night.
__

As soon as i got to my office early the next day. The young lady walked into my office with a calm smile on her face. I frowned on seeing her which she noticed and drew closer to me without fear.

“please sir you got to help me. I’m 28yrs old, i can’t afford staying an extra year. I’m already way behind in everything” she begged.

“so what do you want me to do eeh?. Supposing you participated in the exam but wrote nothing it could have been a different issue. But you missed the exam. Your record isn’t anywhere” i answered.

“i can get an answer booklet, and write the exam anywhere you want. All i need is for you to accept it when i’m done” she said boldly, giving me the impression that she has done such a thing before.

“so what’s in it for me, why should i risk my career for you?” i asked curiously. She smiled.

“sir do you have a guest room in town?” she softly asked, slapping my ears with the unexpected question

To be continued....

If ur girlfriend is not giving u joy
Support Chelsea and have peace of mind