Sandbox Boutique

to my friends whom i no longer get to hangout with.

frankly saying, i don't know where to start. my heart couldn't find the right words to express my emotional baggages in order for you to understand why i suddenly stopped talking and hanging out with you. but to be sure and clear, i don't have bad blood and hatred towards all of you. i surely don't hate for i hate myself more for being too complicated.

you see, looking back to my past selves, i always tend to open my windows and doors to let everyone know that i am sad and struggling, it was more like your empathy and comfort gives me courage to face my dark days. but i as grow older and far from your comfort, i don't but i stopped opening myself to anyone anymore. i hate to tell this, but it gives me peace that i have never been felt before, it's like i am sad but i am at peace. the only reason i think of for that is, maybe because i don't get to share my own weariness to your personal problems as well. i just don't want to add fuel to your own burning life, also because empathy and comfort doesn't give me the willingness to do better or feel better anymore. this sadness makes me want to disconnect from everything and everyone, it's kinda scary but it is peaceful.

but, i sure miss hanging out with all of you. i miss the feeling of excitement every time your messages pop up my notification windows. i miss to rant my problems with you and complain about how hard life is. i even miss my old self too. so, i am very sorry if you think that i have changed and chose to ignore you. maybe yes, a part of me did wanted to ignore you because i don't have the courage and the righ words to confront you or anyone. i am really sorry, and i miss everything about our friendship.

just give me time to flourish my sadness and emotions as well as reflect, because i badly need it. aloneness is the only thing that gives me peace and comfort for now. i hope you won't forget our friendship because i don't have any plans forgetting ours. i wish you can wait until we cross our paths once again.

i am sorry. i miss you.

Cttro
Photo: Pauline Bactad

My feeling right now.☕️🤎🥀