Skincare Routine PH

STEPS TO SURVIVING AN AFFAIR, PART 3-

“CREATE TRANSPARENCY”

original text from Dr. Willard Harley,
Chapter 13, page 207
“His Needs, Her Needs” book
Additional texts from RM

---

***this post has the assumption
that the cheater is the husband,
while the wife is the one cheated.
(cheating can be reverse in some cases,
wife is the one cheating)

***those who believe,
“WHAT I DO NOT KNOW WILL NOT HURT ME…”
are advised NOT to read this post:)

———————————————————

Dr. Harley:

When a cheating spouse ENDS the affair
and agrees to rebuild the marriage,
extraordinary precautions must be taken to guarantee
THERE WILL BE NO RELAPSES.

(MAY KELANGANG PAG-INGATAN,
PARA HINDI MAULIT ANG AFFAIR O KABIT)

——

AFFAIRS thrive on a secret-second life.
(ANG KABIT AY BINUBUHAY SA PAGTAGO
NG SEKRETONG PAMUMUHAY).

It’s what you do UNDER THE RADAR.

You know that your spouse WOULD NOT APPROVE,
so a part of your life is hidden from him or her.

(ALAM MO HINDI SIYA AAYON O MATUTUWA,
KAYA MO ITO ITINATAGO SA PARTNER MO)

——-

So I encourage couples to END THEIR SECRET SECOND LIFE
BY BEING COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT
IN THE WAY THEY LIVE THEIR LIVES.

(ANG PAGTIGIL NG SEKRETONG PANGALAWANG BUHAY,
AY MAGING TAPAT NA BUO SA PAMUMUHAY)

———

CONTRARY TO WHAT MANY CHEATING PARTNERS THINK…….

Transparency is NOT a punishment for bad behavior…..

Transparency is an essential ingredient for a healthy marriage.

(ang pagiging tapat AY HINDI PARUSA SA MASAMANG NAGAWA, KUNDI IMPORTANTENG ELEMENTO NG MAAYOS NA PAGSASAMA/KASAL)

——

My policy on RADICAL HONESTY is this—

REVEAL TO YOUR SPOUSE AS MUCH INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF AS YOU KNOW—

YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, HABITS, LIKES, DISLIKES, PAST HISTORY, DAILY ACTIVITIES, FUTURE PLANS.

Nothing should be hidden. (WALA DAPAT ITAGO)

Passwords, email, text messages, telephone logs, computer histories, are MADE AVAILABLE TO A SPOUSE.

——

It’s the way my wife Joyce and I have lived during our 48 years of marriage.

By revealing everything we know about ourselves, we have avoided an affair, and our transparency has helped our marriage in many ways.

——

If I were to counsel a cheating spouse, I WOULD ENCOURAGE HIM TO GIVE HIS WIFE A 24 HOUR DAY SCHEDULE OF HIS WHERABOUTS(wife should do the same)

Spouses who are GREAT partners in life, check with each other throughout the day to COORDINATE THEIR DECISIONS AND ACTIVITIES.

(ANG MATATAG NA PAGSASAMA, MAY PAGSASA-AYOS NG MGA DESISYON AT MGA PLANONG GAGAWIN)

——

Admittedly, THE FEELING OF DOING
THIS CHECK-UP SYSTEM IS NOT SO GOOD.

While it provides cheated wife SOME REASSURANCE,
it is likely “very annoying” to cheating spouse.

(NAKAKABUWISIT ANG PAKIRAMDAM
PARA SA ASAWANG NANGALIWA)

——

Being accustomed to an INDEPENDENT LIFESTYLE,
HE MUST NOW ACCOUNT FOR HIS ACTIVITIES.

(MAHIRAP DAHIL NASANAY NA
MAG-ISANG NAGDIDISISYON SA BUHAY NIYA)

HE MUST CONSIDER THE WIFE’S FEELINGS
WHENEVER HE DOES ANYTHING.
(That is what couples do in successful marriages.)

——

But usually a cheating spouse HAS NOT LEARNED
THE HABIT TO BE THOUGHTFUL WHEN HE MAKES DECISIONS.

(NGUNIT HINDI SYA SANAY SA PAG-ISIP
NG KA-PARTNER NYA SA MGA DISISYON)

———

The feeling of the guy is LIKE
HE IS MARRIED TO A JAIL OFFICER.

(FEELING NG NANGALIWA, SAKAL NA SAKAL SIYA)

Typically, a straying spouse,
CONFRONTED WITH THE DEMANDS OF TRANSPARENCY,
and having no contact with his former lover(kabit),
RESPONDS WITH TOTAL DEPRESSION.

(PAG HININGIAN NG PAGIGING TAPAT NG BUO,
AT IDAGDAG PA ANG PAGPUTOL
SA KOMUNIKASYON SA KABIT,
ANG KADALASAN NA NARARAMDAMAN
AY MATINDING LUNGKOT)

———

He may be trying to save his marriage,
but he also feels miserable.

Cut off from his 3rd party lover,
somebody who has MET SOME OF HIS EMOTIONAL NEEDS,
and with this transparency checkup going,
HE FEELS TRAPPED.

(PAKIRAMDAM AY IPIT NA IPIT).

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