VIRGO Diary

just want to share that
I'm just trying to see who's genuine
or what is genuine
I maybe recklessly going to the place that
drown me,
I just have to
So please keep showing me what is not going
to help me"BORN AGAIN".
not an open book anymore.

I have to apologize to myself for putting up something that I do not deserve. I know that I have been trying my best to be kind to people even when most of them doesn't deserve it. I keep forgiving people, I keep understanding them, and I keep giving them chances because I always believe the goodness in them. But lately, I realized how pitiful I am to always consider someone else's feelings while forgetting about mine. I have been trying my best to be nice, to the point that people become okay with disrespecting me. I realized that I have been really kind to others, but not to myself.

I deserve an apology to myself. I have been through so much pain while I was trying to protect anyone from being hurt. I keep giving a piece of me to everyone while I keep losing myself in silence. I have been treated like a s**t but I still have to pretend that it was okay all along. I have to apologize to myself for all the bad things that I have endured from people who couldn't appreciate my kindness. I guess this is sad— I have practiced treating people good while I was so unkind to myself. And maybe being kind is so draining. I used to love doing good things to people until they started taking advantage of the kindness that I always show to them.

— dlorah

despite of this realization
Hindi ko tinatanggi Ng lahat Ng suliranin na dumarating sakin is kapalit Ng mga maling decisions na nagawa ko

" But it didn't defined me surely "
And I would never acknowledge that I did everything intentionally.

my mga decision na mahirap para sakin pag decisionan dahil sa mga situation na mahirap timbangin .

yes, nakakasama para sakin at ikakapahamak ko, at mas Lalo ikakasira Ng Buhay ko pero dahil nadin sa situation ang mga itoy SYANG nakakatulong at nasasandalan ko na lamang

mga bagay na SYANG tunay walang solution kundi ang tatagan ang loob at kahit papano ay gumagawa Ng paraan upang Hindi mapahamak at kahit papano ay mapagkukunan Ng kinakailangan sa kasalukuyan .

pagSISISi na lubhang nakakadismaya at nakakapanghina , at tunay na MASAKIT na katotohanan na lang
Sapagkat ang pagSISISi na nagawa ay SYANG basehan Na ng mga taong nawalan na Ng pakialam at hinahayaan ka nalang 🥹

I wish it had been done differently

I often find myself reflecting on how I wish many things in my life had unfolded in a different way. There is a longing for circumstances to be different, a hope that the paths I’ve walked could have been altered in ways that might have led to a more fulfilling present. I wish I didn't have to stay endlessly occupied just to fend off that unsettling feeling of unease. I yearn for the ability to sit in utter silence, completely at peace, without the gnawing sensation that something essential is lacking—that sensation of being weightless and free from demands. Sometimes, I pack my days with tasks, immerse myself in the comforting hum of noise, surround myself with people and constant activity, simply to evade the daunting stillness. I am often in a battle against the quiet, filling my time with as many distractions as possible, just to escape from facing the silence. But as the day draws to a close, all the busyness I filled my hours with isn’t sufficient to mask the underlying constancy that nothing has truly changed within me. The pressure invariably creeps back into my mind because the quiet makes my thoughts too overwhelming. In these moments, every hidden emotion I tried to suppress surfaces again. I repeatedly tell myself that I am alright, convincing myself that I'm merely exhausted, and I often ponder whether others genuinely understand me. Yet, beneath these reassurances, I am acutely aware that I am striving to avoid confronting the emptiness that lingers within me. Despite knowing that feeling, every day is accompanied by a sense that I lack the full freedom to act naturally and authentically. The internal struggle to simply be myself persists, leaving me feeling as though I have yet to find the space to embrace my true self and express it without restraint.

11-06
todays ruminating


‎my anger isn't even anger.
‎
‎The emotional turmoil inside of me is essentially a well of built-up pain that I've been silently holding on to for what feels like an eternity. It's a cumulative ache from all the times I've been hurt and experienced betrayals, yet chose to remain silent, biting my tongue in the hope that things might get better. These are all the moments when disappointment washed over me, yet I put on a brave face, pretending I was unaffected, hoping to shield myself and others from my true feelings. There were countless instances where people made me feel insignificant, and in those moments, I simply brushed it off on the surface, but inside, the experience lingered. To an outsider, this internal struggle often manifests as anger; occasionally, it bursts forth in the form of raised voices, harshly spoken words, or a cold tone of voice that catches even me off guard. There are times when it might appear that I'm intentionally pushing people away from me, distancing myself as a defensive measure.

However, at its core, this facade of anger is nothing more than deeply rooted pain that has never been acknowledged or understood. It's a lingering sadness that has never found comfort, coupled with an intense loneliness that has always remained invisible to others. As I continue to suppress these emotions, the weight of it all grows increasingly burdensome, pressing down with an overwhelming intensity. So, it's important to understand that when I seem angry, it's not genuine anger. Rather, it's an expression of pain that has never had the opportunity to rest—a pain that's been waiting in silence for far too long, longing for someone who might truly understand, for someone who genuinely cares. This realization not only brings insight but emphasizes the desperate need for connection, empathy, and healing.

nobody can understand my pain


‎

I promise I won't bother anyone again😭

Virgo Diary is my comfort
my way to let people know about me
reading is learning 📚🙌🏾