Mybeauty

What words we shouldn't say to our loved ones
Who are the people closest to us? What do they mean to us? They can be relatives, friends and girlfriends, or significant others. This group of people has one thing in common: they are those with whom you can share in a difficult situation in life, those who will support, give advice or even provide invaluable assistance.

Communicating with loved ones is like dancing on a knife edge: like all people, they are imperfect and have flaws, which, in turn, are very annoying, because we ourselves have a completely different set of minuses. How do we maintain good relationships over the years without offending or alienating those who are very dear to us?

What the wise men are silent about.
My tongue is my enemy. Sometimes words spoken in anger, in the heat of a minor quarrel do irreparable harm. Almost all adults have a thick bear skin and are indifferent to insults. But what is said by loved ones completely ignores all psychological barriers - certain phrases wound no worse than a .45-caliber bullet fired at point-blank range. So what are these killer expressions that, like slow-acting poison, poison relationships?

"And I told you..."
When a friend comes to us with another failure, she doesn't need criticism. People who have failed on some front seek support, but in no way sorting things out and asserting themselves at their expense.

You may once have been right to give valuable advice. No doubt, the tactic you have chosen is the only correct, but is it too late to drink the Borjomi?

No one and never give anyone your own bitter experience - historically we have all the bumps we make ourselves, and often more than once. If they came to you for comfort and support, give them what they need without greed or regret.
And next time, when the storm settles, and on the horizon looms a similar situation, diplomatically remind: "Remember, I advised you ... Let's try to do so?

"But a neighbor (colleague, acquaintance)..."
Comparing dear to heart people with complete strangers and unfamiliar, you certainly spoil relations. Why so?

Review someone else's panorama can not be full-fledged. Everyone has a different temperament and priorities. If one person fails to plunge into depression, the other forced to clench their teeth and go forward, clinging to even the ghost of an opportunity to succeed. If for one man it is important to communicate with his wife and children, and he chooses a normal working day, the other in the first place - financial well-being and career development. So when Margarita brags to her friends about a new fur coat or a vacation to exotic islands, she carefully hides the fact that she only sees her other half asleep, or not at all.

Never compare loved ones to anyone on the side-always remember that starting positions and characters differ like dry sand and fertile soil.

"You look at yourself from the outside..."
You can see better through other people's eyes, that's a fact. But maybe we should be a little more tactful and say, "When you roll your eyes theatrically, it gives the impression..."? Take care of someone else's psyche, act more gently.

"You're just a loser/loser".....And further down the line: with your laziness/dumbness/wrong worldview. You can't do this under any circumstances, because these phrases are the most destructive weapons of all--they take away a person's faith in his own strength.

What is wrong with that?

Insult;
Contempt;
Incompetent "expert" evaluation.
There are no ideals, and with a "fair assessment" you are only marking an obstacle. You can hide behind the fact that you have long wanted to tell the man the obvious truth, but this excuse makes no sense, because you also have the terrible flaw of lack of tactics.

How much time do you think each person spends beating themselves up and regretting missed opportunities? A lot! And everyone comes to their nearest and dearest for the balm. But just for the salve, not for confirmation of their own bitter conclusions. Cutting the truth in these cases - means to destroy the atmosphere of trust and friendliness, ruthlessly cut fragile threads of attachment.

Put yourself in your loved one's shoes - would you want someone to tell you that you are a loser?

"Who needs/wants you?"
By uttering this phrase, even lovingly and jokingly, you emphasize the uselessness of the person you are talking to. Who wants to feel superfluous in this life?

A few words about balance
Like harsh criticism, excessive praise and outright flattery damage relationships. One thing - to cheer up a person, to give impetus to new achievements, and another - to boost self-esteem to the sky and convince you that one presence is enough to reap the sweet rewards. The golden mean is exactly what you should stick to in your relationships with your loved ones.

Take care of your family, friends and soulmates, and be careful what you say. Joy, strong relationships, and a calibrated, indestructible balance!