Dating someone with anxiety

13. Get Curious About Your Own Behavior
How are you responding to your anxious partner? Are you noticing any patterns or behaviors that are out of character for you? It’s possible that your partner’s anxiety may be triggering for you. Pay attention to your own behaviors, recognize patterns, and get curious. If it feels like you’re struggling to cope on your own, you may want to consider seeking professional help.

12. Practice Compassion
As Brené Brown says in her book Atlas of the Heart, “Compassion is the daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering.”2 We aren’t necessarily going to be able to fix things for our anxious partner, but we will be with them during the difficult times.

11. Focus on Small Wins and Be Patient
Sometimes with anxiety, it feels like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back. Your partner may learn some tips to help counter the anxiety, put them into practice for a while, and then stop using them and resort to old behaviors. Learning how to manage anxiety is a practice, and it won’t always be perfect.

10. Attend Your Own Therapy
Being in a committed relationship with someone who is dealing with anxiety isn’t easy. Your partner’s anxiety may bring up intense emotions, either from your past or about your current relationship. This is completely normal but may lead to unfavorable reactions toward your partner. Seeking out individual therapy for yourself will help you learn how to cope with your partner’s anxiety, as well as, learn how to provide support to your partner.

9. Encourage Individual Therapy
By now, you’ve probably done a bunch of research and know all about anxiety, but despite all of that information, your partner (and relationship) may benefit from your partner seeking an individual therapist for support. Getting help from a therapist will empower your partner and provide them with tools to help them learn how to manage these anxious feelings on their own. A great way to get started is to search an online therapist directory to find someone who specializes in anxiety.

8. Learn the Best Ways to Respond to Their Anxious State
Each person has learned to manage their anxiety differently and has a variety of coping skills that they can utilize as needed. Sometimes people find it helpful to be around others when they are feeling anxious, others prefer being alone. Learn which type of person your partner is. How can you best support them when they are in an anxious state? Be specific with your questions, practice active listening, and offer validation. This is their anxiety and they are their own best expert.

7. Validate Them When They’re Insecure
Insecurity may also play a role in your partner’s anxiety. This insecurity could stem from multiple sources, such as relationships and body image. You may not agree with their level of insecurity, but you can still validate them through listening, offering empathy for the emotions they are experiencing, reflecting back what they have shared, normalizing their feelings, seeing the situation through their perspective, offering physical touch to connect, and using open body language. Validation creates an environment of safety and trust which will help your partner feel more secure.

If you are with your partner during a panic attack, you may feel powerless and unsure of how to respond. The best thing to do is stay calm, let them know that you are with them and that they are safe, and remind them that it will pass soon. If you know that they experience panic attacks, it may be helpful to be prepared in advance and find out what techniques have historically been helpful.

6. Prepare for a Panic Attack
Panic attacks are brief moments of overwhelming fear or anxiety. They may include symptoms such as a racing/pounding heart, sweating, trembling, shaking, racing thoughts, a sense of terror, or a tightening in the chest.4 The experience can be frightening, but they don’t actually cause any physical harm. Panic attacks are typically brief, but very intense and can often appear to come on at random.1 They are often, however, linked to a specific source.

5. Practice Self-Care, Too
When you’re worried about your partner, it’s easy to neglect your personal self-care. Just like the flight attendant says before take off, “Secure your own oxygen mask first before helping others,” it’s also imperative to first care for your own mental health needs. Your personal self-care practice may include exercise, eating well, meditation, hobbies, time with friends, etc. Determine what you need right now, listen to your inner voice, and then start taking care of yourself.

4. Consider Couples Therapy
If you’re in a serious, committed relationship and your partner is experiencing anxiety in a way that’s impacting your relationship, it may be time to consider couples therapy. A couples therapist is trained to be a neutral party who can help you identify patterns and provide honest feedback and psychoeducation. Finding a couples therapist may seem overwhelming, but there are resources to help you find a therapist that will be a good fit for you.

Next, it’s important to use reflections. When reflecting, you will repeat back what someone has just said to you, but in your own words.3 This shows that you didn’t just hear the other person, but you are trying to understand them. It’s also important to ask open-ended questions, or questions that encourage elaboration, rather than just a yes or no response. The primary goal in active listening is to understand the speaker’s point of view, even if you don’t necessarily agree.