Fresh to Death Esthetics

hi pals.

i figured it was time for a little life update since my business page has accidentally become part esthetics page, part personal journal, part emotional dumpster fire…

the last few weeks have been… a lot.

if you’ve been following along, you know jeff was diagnosed with kidney cancer and life came in like a wwe folding chair to the back of the head.

hell nah brother.

since then we’ve been existing somewhere between doctor’s appointments, scans, phone calls, referrals, paperwork, and truly just trying to remember what day of the week it is.

the good news is that we have (some) answers. more importantly, we have a team we trust. we have a plan (kind of). we have people in our corner (amazing people). and while there are still plenty of unknowns ahead of us, we’re learning that unknown doesn’t automatically mean hopeless.

right now we’re choosing to focus on what we do know:

🖤 we have incredible doctors.
🖤 we have options.
🖤 we have support.
🖤 we have more laughter than tears most days.
🖤 jeff’s jokes still suck.
🖤 and we have today.

as for ftde—i’m still here.

my schedule continues to look a little different than normal, and i am still booking primarily through direct messages. this way i can try to remain flexible as appointments and treatment plans evolve.

thank you to every single person who has been patient, understanding, and kind while life has been asking a little more of us than we were prepared to give.

i don’t think i’ll ever be able to adequately explain what your support has meant to me. the messages, prayers, meals, gift cards, coffee (energy drinks 🫣), dog treats, hugs, and check-ins… they have carried me through some really hard days.

we’re taking things one appointment, one scan, one day at a time.

and today, we’re hopeful.

honestly, that’s enough for now. 🖤

p.s. life has felt a little serious around here lately, and while i don’t think pretending hard things aren’t happening is the answer, i do think joy deserves a seat at the table too.

so… keep an eye on this page over the next few days. i’ve got something fun planned because honestly… i think we could all use a reason to smile. 🖤
(and if we’re being “incredibly transparent”, i could always use an excuse to buy myself a new water bottle.)

someday i’m going to log onto this business page and make a post that doesn’t read like a journal entry, a public breakdown, or a cover letter to my therapist… but alas… today is not that day 🫠

life lately has been… how do i put this delicately… absolutely fooked.

good ole jeffy l**e was recently diagnosed with kidney cancer, and this week we got launched head first into emergency kidney removal surgery. thankfully not the kind where i had to throw my own kidney into the ring — because let’s be honest — mine have seen too many iced coffees and energy drinks to be considered “mint condition.”

but in all seriousness — life changed very quickly around here. like overnight.

so here’s my current game plan: online booking is temporarily turned off. not because i don’t want to see you all or because i’ve officially gone off the deep end — again — but because i genuinely have no clue what the next few days/weeks/months are going to look like for me.

i’ll still be working and opening up appointments — they’ll just probably look a little different for awhile. think smaller shifts, weird hours, random openings, and me operating purely on caffeine and my very last delulu brain cell.

please continue to text me if you need in. and please don’t hate me if you have a current appointment and i reach out about having to reschedule… i’m doing my absolute best to juggle life, work, appointments, hospital chaos, and the occasional mental breakdown in the target parking lot.

i appreciate every single one of you more than you know. thank you for being patient with me while life does its own weird little psychological thriller thing 🫣
honestly, i should write a book at this point. give stephen king a run for his money.

*first photo is Heff ready to lose his kidney.
*second is when i told him purple isn’t really his color.

hi friends 🤍

this post is… long overdue. and honestly, a little hard to write.

i’ve been quiet. really quiet. and not in a cute, mysterious way… more like a “brother… you alive???” kind of way.

what started as a tiny mental breakdown back in november turned into something a lot heavier than i expected. i told myself i just needed a minute to step back, catch my breath, and then i’d come back better than ever…

but that “minute” turned into months.

and now here we are… it’s april (i think) and i’m sitting here staring at 316 unread messages wondering how in the hell i got this behind.

and every time i try to start catching up—
to respond, to apologize, to just show up—
i see that number and my brain immediately goes:
“absolutely not. best i can do is a panic attack.”

so if you’ve messaged me and haven’t heard back… i want you to know it’s not because i don’t care. it’s not because you’re not important. it’s not because i forgot about you.

it’s because i got overwhelmed… and then i got stuck there.

and the longer i have sat in it, the harder it’s became to climb out.

if you know me, you know i live in “what can i do? how can i help?” mode. i pour and pour and pour until everyone else is taken care of… it’s my love language.

and somewhere along the way, i ran myself completely empty.

my cup hath officially runneth dry…
and your girl is tired.

—

so… here’s me trying.

not perfectly. not all at once. but intentionally.

if you’ve reached out and haven’t heard back, i am truly sorry. i mean that. i hate that i’ve left people hanging—it’s never been how i run my business or show up for my people.

instead of trying to dig myself out of 300+ messages and spiraling again… i’m hitting a bit of a reset.

✨ if you need an appointment, have a question, or were waiting on a reply—please reach back out. bump the message. book online. send a “hey girl hey i’m still here.” whatever works.

this helps me meet you where i’m at right now instead of drowning in where i feel like i “should” be. or should have been for a while now.

—

moving forward, i’m working on showing up differently.

that means:
• better communication (not perfect—but better)
• actual boundaries (wild concept, i know)
• not running myself into the ground trying to be everything for everyone

because as much as i love being your wax girl, your hype girl, your therapist, your comedian, and occasionally your emotional support human…

i also need to be a functioning person 😅

—

thank you for sticking with me.
for your patience, your grace, and honestly… for not firing me 😬

we’re coming back online—
a little softer, a little stronger, and still just unhinged enough to keep things interesting.

love you all. truly 🤍

now let’s get you booked before i spiral again 🫶

ftde is “closed” for a few days ✈️🗽
i’m officially another year older and celebrating in the city that never sleeps.

i’m so grateful for this business… for my clients who became so much more than “clients”. and for the work that’s allowed me to grow into exactly who i’m meant to be.

i’ll be back soon — same me, just a year older and *mildly* more confident about it.

xoxo,
shelbs

2025. what a lil beyootch 🫠
this year asked a lot of me.
and somehow… i showed up anyway.

‼️‼️long post ahead ‼️‼️

first and foremost —thank you to my clients.
for booking. rebooking. laughing. crying. trusting me with your bodies, your stories, and your lives in tiny 30–60 minute windows.
for choosing a small business that is sometimes (all the time) is held together with caffeine (thank you Meg-A-Latte), a completely unhinged playlist, and the sheer audacity.

you made long days worth it.
you made the hard ones softer.
you reminded me why this place exists.

and second—a little (a whole lot) of gratitude for the process.
for the seasons that asked more of me than expected.
for showing up when life kept swinging.
for the consistency, the uncomfortable growth, and choosing to keep going—even when it would’ve been easier not to.
for trusting that the work i do would mean something, even when it felt shaky, lonely, or uncertain.

this year looked like:
• growth i didn’t see coming
• lessons i didn’t ask for
• boundaries i finally learned
• laughter echoing through the salon (mostly at my expense)
• healing in ways i didn’t expect

ftd made it through the chaos.
we made it through the chaos.

because wow… this year really happened.

🤍i went to hawaii 🌺
🤍checked off not one, but multiple bucket list concerts— including the bucket list concert of all concerts (still not over it)… and one at red rocks with my best friend… which honestly feels illegal to have experienced.
🤍i traveled a little bit…
🤍i was fortunate enough to spend so much time with all of the people i love. so many wonderful memories made 🥹
🤍i almost won best of the best 😅 (still counts, fight me).
🤍took on an entirely new job while still being a small business owner.
🤍hit year two at 98% sober—and turns out life really is better when you’re not hungover.

🤍i officiated my best friend’s wedding (iconic).
to be clear: i am still very much not married.

🤍i lost my grandma, my best friend.
🤍i lost friends and family… and friends who became my family. i learned what real grief looks like—and how to keep living anyway.

🤍i leaned hard into therapy.
🤍i worked on myself in ways that were uncomfortable, necessary, and long overdue.
🤍i read some books.
🤍put a million miles on my shoes with benson.
🤍sold my golf clubs.
🤍accidentally shaved off half of my eyebrow (big rip).
🤍saw my first tornado—and then four more, because apparently the universe wanted to keep things spicy 🌪️😂

this business isn’t just services—it’s connection, community, growth, and showing up… even when you’re not perfectly put together. it’s built on trust, conversations deeper than hair removal should be (🙈), and the kind of support that still humbles me
every. single. day.

so thank you to the clients who kept me booked.
the friends who kept me sane.
the work that carried me here.
and to the version of me who refused to give up.

we did it.
and i’m really, really proud of us.

looking ahead to 2026—
it’s going to be a good one. i can feel it.
same heart. slightly stronger spine. better boundaries.
still a little feral. always grateful.

🖤 fresh to death, always. 🖤

merry christmas eve to all of you from me and all of my favorite coworkers!
here’s to hoping your holiday is spent surrounded by love, laughter, and all things merry and bright!

merry christmas ya filthy animals 🎅🏼

xoxo,
shelbs

here’s a photo of me, my mom, my aunt, and my cousin at the turkey trot last week.
i had every intention of posting this on thanksgiving and telling each and everyone of you just how thankful i am for YOU! because i truly, truly am.

but i didn’t. i couldn’t.
in the picture, i look… happy. like really happy. and in so many ways, i was.
i was grateful to be there.
grateful to be with my people.
grateful for a (somewhat) healthy body that can show up and move.

but now i’m going to say something i’ve never really admitted out loud… especially on the internet….
well in a long diary like way. normally its just s**tty memes that hint at my mental instability… but in the spirit of therapy i think it’s best to be clear….

i’m kind of a secret scrooge.

the holidays… suck.
they’re heavy. they’re loud. they’re full of pretty lights and perfect trees and people gathered around tables — and this year, all i can see and think about are the people who aren’t.
this year, i’m sad. like bone-deep, soul-heavy, everything hurts kind of sad.

burnout doesn’t even scratch the surface. this is the darkest, deepest i think i’ve ever felt… and for once i’m not trying to make it cute or funny or slap a bow on it. i’m just sitting in it. and it’s ugly, and lonely, and real.
and i hate it.

but here’s the part you don’t see — the part we never talk about because it feels uncomfortable or dramatic or “too much”…

i was seconds away from losing my absolute mind.
like on-the-brink-of-an-emotional-breakdown close.
like no s**tty meme about grippy socks or “seasonal depression? never heard of her”… was going to help.

and that’s the terrifying thing about life, isn’t it? you never truly know what someone is carrying. you never know what storm is happening two inches behind their smile. you never know how hard someone is working just to keep their voice steady or their hands from shaking. if you’ve ever shared something deep with me you’ve probably heard me say “girl… just because you are carrying it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.” and i truly mean it. s**t’s heavy.

i feel like people see me and they see me and they see the happy, funny, unhinged, sarcastic, “always has a one-liner ready” girl. and I am her.
but I’m also the girl who, in this exact moment, is exhausted. overwhelmed. burnt out in ways i don’t even have words for. a girl trying so hard to hold it together that it feels like her ribs might crack from the pressure.

it’s a weird, lonely place to be — when the outside version of you is thriving, and the inside version of you is asking, very quietly, “am I actually okay?”

i’m sharing this because i know i’m not the only one. i know there are others who look “fine” in photos but cry in the parking lot or fall apart in the shower or stare at the ceiling at 3 in the morning wondering why everything feels heavier than it “should.”

so… all of this to say— if that’s you too… i see you.
you’re not failing.
you’re not weak.
you’re not dramatic.
and you’re not too much.
s**t’s heavy.
you’re human. (i’m human)
you’re trying. (i’m trying)
and that counts.

and reaching out? that’s allowed. if you need someone to talk to, rant to, or just sit in the quiet with — my door is open. sometimes the weight feels a little lighter when someone’s sitting beside you, even if they can’t fix it.

and for what it’s worth… even in this heaviness, i’m still trying to notice the tiny glimmers of hope? joy? happiness? not sure… maybe just a tiny little bit of serotonin… for me it’s an iced coffee in my hand, my dogs pressed against me like they’re holding all of my pieces together, a small thrifted treasure that feels like the universe is saying “here’s a little light for today.”
today it was perfectly crafted avocado toast and a matcha latte in front of a fireplace in my favorite lil coffee shop… (see photo)

these moments don’t solve everything, not even close.
but they remind me there is still softness in the world. still hope. still joy and love and laughter and… still reasons to stay.

if this season feels heavy for you too, just know this:
we don’t have to walk through it alone.
you are loved.

after 10.5 days and what can only be described as a psychologically compromising stretch in the underworld, i have FINALLY regained access to my phone. (well, parts of it anyway… apparently my pinterest boards are worthy of protecting at all costs. i must have some high level s**t on there.)

yes, it was touch-and-go. yes, i absolutely did consider abandoning society and starting a new life in the woods with benny.

my first sight upon returning to civilization:
168 unread messages staring back at me like a jury that already hates me.
it’s fine. i will face them with the bravery of someone who definitely does not have the emotional (or mental) capacity for this but is doing it anyway.

life should be on the upswing now. or at least plateauing somewhere a little less feral.
i am choosing to believe this is my turning point, my “slightly less unwell” era.

and listen… to everyone who stuck by me during my absence from the digital realm…
thank you.
seriously.
your loyalty, patience, and “?” texts kept the last functioning neuron in my brain from giving up. the ones who didn’t question me? saints. the ones who assumed i died? honestly, fair.
*special shout out to the 4 homies that were ready to call in the big dawgs thinking i might have become ‘yote food… you guys are the REAL ONES.

i’m grateful you waited.
i’m grateful you checked in.
i’m grateful no one called the police.

now begins the long, treacherous trek through my messages. if i don’t emerge in a reasonable timeframe, assume message #72 emotionally vaporized me and carry on in my honor.

i’m back.
alive. (kinda 😜)
rebooted.
unhinged, but hopeful.

i swear if this phone locks me out again, i’m throwing myself directly into the sun.

day 8.
my phone is still gone, but what have i gained? trauma. yet another hot topic for my future self to discuss with my therapist.

i’ve learned i’m not addicted to technology — i’m addicted to being mildly entertained at all times. i tried to meditate but ended up narrating my own misery like a dateline episode. keith’s voice is only a memory at this point.

please think of me fondly when your phone vibrates — because somewhere out there, mine isn’t.

my screen time is down 97%… my sanity is down 100%.

my last resort…. smoke signals.

Day 5.
No phone. No connection. No will to live, laugh, love.

I’ve started having phantom “vibrate” moments and mild panic attacks when it feels like it’s been too long between texts. I’ve also fully convinced myself my friends secretly hate me because no one’s updated me on their bowel movements in days 💔

I had to borrow Jeff’s phone to call my insurance agent because it’s been five days since anyone’s reached out about my car’s extended warranty. I can only assume they’ve given up on me.

The one blessing? 🙏
I can’t access DoorDash — which means when the meltdown hit last night, I didn’t have to buy dinner. Gracias, El Jefe. 🌮

At this point, I’m forcing myself to laugh because my eyes are so dry, red, and swollen that I look like I’ve just survived the Dust Bowl and a therapy session or two.

Yesterday, in a moment of desperation, I bought a coloring book. A real one. If my stress levels drop even a little, I might finally finish that self-help book I’ve been “reading” since June.

So if you need me — I’ve set a cup with a string outside by the front door. Knock twice and I’ll pick up on the other end. ☎️

P.S. If this is how the pioneers lived, I understand why they didn’t make it.
P.P.S. And if this is what “disconnecting” for your mental health feels like, I’d rather just stay toxic with Wi-Fi.

“Sometimes when one door closes, it’s because you forgot your iCloud password.”