Paige’s journey

I’ve been so bad about updating on here. I’ve been staying pretty busy with my shared house cleaning business and also doordashing in my free time. Last week I was sick, and then Vincent started to get a cough so we didn’t do a whole lot and I missed out on a lot of work and didn’t get to make it to the gym.😕 but, I’m excited to get back to it all. All in all, I’ve been feeling pretty decent mentally! I’ve had very very small spurts of depression but it’s been something that I’ve been able to just pull myself out of fairly easily. Today while Vin was with dad, I did a little bit of doordashing and took 30 min to skateboard which was actually quite therapeutic, so maybe something I’ll get into. Hoping for a decent upcoming week!

Had such a wonderful time today with my handsome little date at the art center. Vincent is the main source behind me chasing after a better life, a stronger mindset, and self love and growth. He didn’t have the choice to be brought into this world and have me as his mother, so he doesn’t owe me anything. Not today, not tomorrow, and not 35 years from now. But I owe him everything. He will have a mentally healthy momma, who will support him through and through with all of his life decisions and endeavors and will forever be so loved effortlessly. I never understood true love until the moment those 2 pink lines showed up, and since then, I’ve grown a love stronger than anything I ever thought I could feel and surprisingly my heart still makes a little more room every day for it to continuously grow. I’m so so so excited for this summer when we get to visit the zoo, water parks, farmers market, etc. Life with you is the best life ❤️

Yesterday I had an okay day. Started off as like a 3/10, but once I was done with work (which was actually only a couple hours long thankfully), my day slowly started to get a bit better. I ended the night with putting on make up while blaring music and dancing in the bathroom lol. I believe I was between 14-15 years old when I had really grown a love for make up and I used to stay up ALL night practicing just to remove it to go to sleep. It was honestly one of my favorite things to do. Then when I did enter my relationship I stopped caring to keep up with my appearance by putting on make up and nice clothes. Even though it is absolutely okay to dress down, I ended up falling out of love with what was once my favorite hobby/peace. A goal of mine is to really try to start dressing/looking more presentable now. It’ll take some time, because as silly as it sounds, it does take some energy which is something I lack a lot of. My goal for tonight after picking the kiddo up is to get laundry put away and hopefully read a little bit into one of my books once it’s bed time. 🙂 small goals for some, big accomplishments for me.

It was dads night tonight to have Vincent, so I decided to take myself out on a date, and what better place to do so than my favorite. It has been close to 5 years since I went out to eat by myself. Between the ages of 18-20 I always felt it was so important to treat it as if you’re in a relationship with yourself. Then when I did enter an actual real relationship, that basically went out the window and I became severely co-dependent and grew a fear of doing almost anything by myself. For awhile, DoorDash was becoming my best friend as I was either too afraid to go out into the public or feeling too down to make food. So tonight I threw on some ‘nice clothing’ (anything other than the usual sweatpants), and brought me, myself, and i to my all time favorite restaurant. Granted, on my way here I was near having an anxiety attack and felt like I had just swallowed my own stomach and wanted to turn around, but I forced myself to keep going, and I’m so glad I did. The first few minutes after getting sat I felt very awkward and uneasy, but after awhile it started to feel natural like it did years ago. I enjoyed a raspberry lemon drop martini (though I never drink), bruschetta with Boursin cheese, prime rib with mashed potatoes, house side salad with creamy Italian, and to end it with some key lime pie. All of my favorites. If you’ve never been to Christopher’s it’s a must to try out. It’s in the Beaverdale area. This was a very large step for me! Maybe some time this week I will attempt to make myself an actual dinner other than reheating leftovers or freezer food lol, no promises though! Thanks for following 🙂

I’ve created this page to act as a journey ‘journal’ that can allow people to show support through my life challenges and achievements/my ups and downs. I have dealt with depression and anxiety and other mental illnesses for quite a few years now, and as time goes on, it only gets worse. So, on this page, I will attempt to post daily on how I’m feeling some days, some small achievements I made, my goals, etc. I lack self-discipline, so I felt that creating this page would help by making sure I do post daily updates even on days when I would rather not lol. I hope to one day rekindle with the mentally/physically healthier Paige that i once knew. Thanks for following!