Kristy Rhodes-Massage Therapy

A little humor for you this morning :)

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To close out September, I am going to share my granddaughters story about her Dad and his su***de. My granddaughter is 13 years old. She lost her Dad to su***de at 9. She won a young author's award for writing this last year.
I am so proud of how she has moved through this in her young life.

The only thing I can say to anyone struggling; reach out, get help, don't give up. I wish we could have helped him through this.

Here is her story:

From Loss to Light

There once was this girl, she was only 9 and in fourth grade. It was the end of a warm August, and barely the start of the new school year. She was so happy and enjoying life, making friends, loving school, until someone she loved most was suddenly gone.

Her father, Trevon, was her biggest supporter. He was a man who loved fancy coffee, cooking, bbq’s, and the finer things in life.

The girl and her father were very close. The girl’s mom joked that it was unfair that she created the girl for 9 months only to have her come out looking and talking like an identical copy of her dad.

The girl also had 2 sisters both younger than her. Timbyr (6), Susan (8), Felicia who was her step mom, then her biological mom, Darrian, and stepdad, Erik. Even though the girl’s parents weren’t together anymore, she loved her big mixed family. The big family never split holidays or birthdays. They spent long afternoons together at the children’s sporting events, the girl’s sisters even stayed at the girl’s mom’s house so that they didn’t feel left out.

On September 1, 2022, the girl's father took his life. I was that girl, and this is my story.

My mom and dad were really close, even though they weren’t together. My mom had come to my dad’s house earlier in the day to comfort my father because he was going through major depression at the time. His mother had taken her own life, six days before his birthday. Also, he and Felicia had broken up earlier that summer. It was a really hard time for all of us but especially for my dad.

The night that everything happened was brutal.

My dad knew he was struggling so he reached out to my mom for help. My mom is a big awesome-sauce mental health advocate and when my mom came over, her and my dad talked for hours on the porch while my sisters and I played in the yard.

My mom stayed all the way until bed time. My dad told me and my sisters to get ready for bed but my mom had learned of a new game and encouraged us to try it with her. My dad didn’t know and came into the house to see us playing hide and seek while shooting each other with nerf guns.

At first he was upset that we weren’t getting ready for bed but then he joined in. It was really fun! And it was the last thing I got to do with my dad.

Once we were ready for bed, my mom and dad tucked me and my sisters in bed. He told us he loved us and walked my mom to her car.

Later that night, I couldn’t sleep. I usually fall asleep easily but for some reason that night, I couldn’t.

My step mom Felicia came home late and my dad looked dressed up like he was ready to go out. I heard them get into an argument. My dad left, and then I heard my step mom screaming.

She was crying and calling my Uncle Dennis and my mom. I came out of my room and asked “what’s wrong?” She said “Nothing baby, go back to bed.”

My mom had come back to the house. My sisters were still sleeping. I had my sister’s tablet and messaged my dad, begging him to come home. When my mom came inside, I was having a panic attack. I had never had one before.

My mom took the tablet, held me and we practiced breathing to help me calm down. After that, my mom and I sat on the couch with snacks and watched tv. My dad was missing and my step mom, step dad, and Uncle Dennis were out looking for him.

They looked all night and the next day there was a big search party including the police. My mom and I hadn't slept all night. When my sister woke up, my mom asked me not to say anything to my sisters about my dad or what had happened.

Eventually, my mom got the news that he had passed away, and she called my grandmother.

My stepdad is a strong man and I had almost never in my life seen him so sad. It was the first and only time I’ve seen my step dad cry.

When my mom told me he was gone, my aunt Kelcee was there and just held me. I felt a wave of shock, and the air was suddenly bitter. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to process that he was really dead and it wasn’t some kind of prank.

I went outside, and I screamed because what else was I supposed to do? I hardly felt anything but I still screamed “why me? Why my family?” I screamed for my daddy over and over again.

By the end of September I was in and out of school, barely showing up, and heavily grieving with my family. It was like this for another month and a half before I moved to a different state, Utah. I was having panic attacks, nightmares, sleep walking, and hurting myself in my sleep. I moved with my mom because Rock Springs didn't have the resources that I needed to help me grieve properly. My step dad stayed back in Wyoming to take care of our house and our animals.

I was enrolled in a Charter School in Utah. I tried to go to school. I really did try to show up and make friends but being in a state where you didn’t belong was hard.

I felt miserable. The only good thing was therapy was moving along and I was improving. I liked that I was able to make new memories in Utah and that I didn’t see a memory of my dad everywhere I looked.

We spent 8 months in Orem, Utah so I could go to a special kind of therapy for kids who had experienced trauma. I really liked therapy. In every room, there was a different kind of activity.. I could paint, or play with hundreds of different kinds of sand.

I could use a punching bag, or play with toys. Or I could sit in my therapist’s office and just talk. We had big group rooms where I met other kids. My mom even went there and had groups with other parents.

Because it was winter, I didn’t get to go home to Wyoming a lot. I missed my home and my friends. I really tried to make friends at my new school but I didn’t like being away from my mom and I felt different from the other kids.

They would complain about chores or homework and I felt angry that their problems were so normal and my dad was dead. I didn’t like birthday parties anymore. I didn’t like tv or games or movies.

By the time a sunlit spring had come I was finally visiting my step dad, Felicia and siblings in Wyoming way more. Around mid-April it felt like I was always in Wyoming and I had been homeschooled full-time for a while. I didn’t like home school but I liked being with my mom and my family.

For my 10th birthday that year, I got a new puppy two weeks before my birthday and his name is Bowser. I had wanted a Husky my whole life and my mom and step dad surprised me with him! I was so happy I cried! He has been my best friend and companion since.

During this time, I was much happier as summer was coming and I was done with terrible 4th grade. Before I knew it, I had moved back to my hometown and I was spending time and having fun with friends and family. I have always loved summer. I was Sun-Kissed from the sun and almost always in a pool or outside. I loved that summer more than anything and couldn’t ask for anything more because I was finally home and who doesn’t like longer days, and having fun when it doesn’t get dark!

We made smores by the fire at my house and my friends' houses. We went fishing with Nana and had sleep overs on the trampoline. My mom was so happy to be back, she took me and my friends to every activity we could find in our community. We went to water parks in Utah, and out to the lake. It felt like we were all so thankful to be together again and home.

Almost every night, me and my neighbors would play night games in the cooled off summer evenings. Soon it was early August, and school would be starting whether I liked it or not.

Open house was in a couple of days and it was all I could think about. I knew that I didn’t like homeschool but after 4th grade I was worried. I knew that I had to go to school in person. The open house came and went, and it didn’t look to be that bad but I was still terrified. Each night, I was laying in bed after the event, stomach in knots about the school year to come. I had panic attacks in the days leading up to the first day of school.

My mom and I practiced the skills we had learned and she made me a special bag that had activities in it to help me if I became overwhelmed at school. She talked to each one of my teachers and the staff and explained that we were working hard on my mental health and reminded me every time I was nervous that I had a big support system at the school and at home and that I wasn’t going through this alone.

And then it happened! The first day of 5th grade was here. When I woke up I felt a rush of excitement and anxiety, but at the same time ready. When I was ready for school, me, my mom, and my stepdad continued a tradition carried on throughout the years of being driven to school on the first day. As they drove to the school, my mom reminded me of how much I have overcome and that I would be okay. We stepped out of the car and I took a deep breath and inhaled the cool morning air. Me and my family walked down the halls together making sure I was prepared for my day.

My parents hugged me and reassured me. “You got this honey” said my step dad. We walked around the school and my mom took a ton of pictures. When it was time, I walked into my new classroom and found my seat. In the classroom it was quiet and awkward, like every first day. I immediately made friends with a boy, while we made faces at each other during class. We would giggle quietly until lunch. The rest of the day came and went and when my parents picked me up the first thing they said was, “ How was your day?”

I took a second to think back and responded with..”I had so much fun today”
They let out air like they had been holding their breath waiting for my answer. I could see the relief on their faces. I talked about my day and how me and the boy made faces at each other. I told them everything that happened and how by lunch I had made a ton of friends and was laughing more than I had in a hot minute. When we got home, we laughed about how nervous my mom and I were and how they reminded me they “told me so”, but were also praying with me.
I laughed with them and agreed. I then said,” I can’t wait to go tomorrow” and the rest of the year was just like that. I didn’t know it then, but on that first day, my mom was just as nervous as I was.

I am in 7th grade now. I still miss my dad every day. I still go to therapy, and I still have really hard days sometimes.

I wonder what life would be like if he was still here and I still have questions and mixed emotions about why he left us the way he did.

Time with my step mom and sisters is different now. They moved to Casper at the end of my fifth grade year. It’s been hard for all of us but they needed a new start and I’m happy for them. I still get to see them but I hope that one day they will move back and we can feel a little more whole again.

My family looks a lot different than it did before. We’ve all been changed by my dad’s passing. Everyone in my family is different. Birthdays and holidays are different. How I see death is different.

I learned that death makes people angry, confused, lost, and sad. I thought people came together when someone dies. Instead, emotions are heightened. It makes us think about the cycle of life and people fight over that person’s stuff - I think it’s because they are scared of losing that person more than they already have when they’re gone.

I wish people would have been kinder when my dad died.
I wish that his celebration of life could’ve been different, more respectful towards him and my sisters.. or that we could have another one and just re-do it. I know that the people who were there that day wanted to remember my dad the way they knew them, but I wish they would’ve let me and my sisters remember my dad as our dad. The way he was for us and I wish they wouldn’t have drawn on his urn.

I learned to be thankful for those who took the time to show up for me and my family. I’m thankful for my mom and my Nana, who took care of everything and everyone, and my grandparents who took care of me that day. I’m thankful that my mom made things in memory of my dad and that she got my dad’s urn and let me paint it like a sunset after people drew on it.

I’m thankful for my best friend Marlee and her mom because even when I moved they would meet us in Evanston so I could spend time with them. Marlee made me laugh even in the darkest of times, and even stayed with me in Utah during spring break.

Even though no one could ever replace my dad, there are a lot of really amazing dads out there who make sure I never feel left out - especially my step dad who is just ‘dad’ now. He makes me laugh, he never has tried to replace my dad, even after he died. He’s always been there for me and helps me honor my dad’s memory. He always finds joy in every situation even when it drives me crazy. He’s taught me a ton of life skills like the proper way to use tools, how to build things with those tools, safety lessons, and we always have fun together.

My Uncle Cody, who takes me to school when I miss the bus, splits chocolate cake with me before dinner, and makes fun of any boy I like. I know he will be there whenever I need him.

My Uncle Lucas, who is my best friend’s dad. He takes us to get ice cream, checks in on me and has made sure I know he’s there for me since the day after my dad died.

We’ve even added two new family traditions since my dad passed away. Every year on my dad’s death date, and his birthdate, we honor him by doing things he loved. We call both, “The Week of Trev.”

I’m sharing his story to show how hard it was for me, and the impact it had on everyone that loved him. I want to thank everyone who was there for me and my family. I also want to spread awareness on su***de and why men’s mental health is just as important as women’s.

My story teaches me how decisions - even one person’s decisions, can have unexpected consequences. Whether they’re good or bad.

My story also teaches me that even though there was a time when I thought I’d never be happy again, this was the best unexpected outcome in my life. Out of the accomplishments I've made and the challenges I've overcome, losing my dad was the hardest.

I think I was able to do this all because of the help of my mom, my stepdad and the rest of my family. I still wish my dad would’ve kept working through his sad days.

I know things would’ve gotten better for him just like they did for me.

My story and my mental health journey is not over I’m lucky to have so many mental health skills.

If you or someone you know is going through a hard time, the national number for help is 988