Honest Stories from a Lying Addict

Robert Cacc Igor Sokolvo Jr.

Been a minute since I’ve felt compelled to write about my addiction!

Most of you know i was a he**in addict for nearly 3 decades! Then in 2020 I kicked dope and all other drugs! Then i started drinking like a fu***ng Viking! To the point my body has reacted in such an away that it was telling me I’m dying!! So about 11 months ago I went to get help! Since then life has been extremely boring. My point is you can get sober and turn your life around but there’s always something missing. Like i don’t miss getting high or the withdrawals! I miss the pure adrenaline of knowing this could be the last one! Life seems so mundane! I wish other ppl could understand what I mean.

Heres a true story

I've kicked he**in hundreds of times but what I went thru those 12 hours of DTs made those hundreds of times kicking dope look like a good time..
Yeah you have a fever and headache the s**ts, you want to die laying in bed watching Jerry springer in bed for 3 days!! What I went thru that night for 12 hours would be have to be written by Edgar Alan Poe. Hitchcock and King to describe what I went thru and felt that night! Evil! I will write about soon but I need to process it.

Here's the shortest honest Story I'll ever write!

My kids have been more a parent to me vs me to them...

Emma 🖤

Gonna write cause im feelng angry!! So here's a fun story... one time I stole my ex's car one day to get high.. Now the mother of my twins used with me, and was just as bad as me. Especially when our kids got taken away cause she was arrested in Newark buying dope with my twins in the car when they were babies and they were taking from us for 2 yrs. My sister had to take them from a foster home and care for them cause we obviously could not. But for those 2 yrs I stayed clean from everything. No drugs no alcohol no Tylenol pm., no nothing just wanted my kids back. My ex at the time was devastated and was a fall down drunk the entire time they were gone. But I stayed sober completely. I remember picking her off the floor many times cause she was so depressed her kids were gone. But I stayed clean cause I was angry and wanted my twins back. Long story short lol we got them back after 2yrs with little or no help from her. But to her credit she hasn't used or drank since we got them back... but I have so I'm the scum bag! So about 3yrs after we got them back I relapsed and one day took her car to get high.. she called the cops and that pi**ed me off cause we ran together. She just got and stayed clean since our kids were allowed back home. But what people need to know is I got those kids back not her... but like I said I relapsed so I was the scumbag. Any way i took her car one day cause well I needed to and she called the cops cause she needed to..

Any way they were looking for me and eventually found me in denville new jersey getting high! I told them I wanted to die when they found me and took me to the psych ward at St Claire's... there things got worse for me. I was trying to kill myself in any way possible so they stripped me naked and put this cloth like robe on me and strapped me to a bed for 48 hours. My hands were bounded my feet were bound and I couldn't move. I could see the nurses and doctors thru a glass wall watching me. Don't know why cause I couldn't move at all. But I remember thinking how the f**k did I end up here? I did everything right when my kids were taken and stayed clean. But I relapsed and she hasn't since see we got our kids home and I respect thst more than anything I truly do cause if anyone knows how hard it is to stay clean and sober it's me! But what my now 17yr old twins or what they've been told by my ex is I'm the problem. I remember telling Noah the truth about that but they were so young they don't even remember....I got them back. I stayed clean and sober to get them back while picking her up from the floor every night cause she missed her kids!! I get that i really do and I respect her for staying clean and sober since then. But i could not stay clean. I guess my point of this story is you don't know the whole story and like I told Noah its public record just look it up. I needed to get this off my chest. Just because someone got clean before you and stayed clean doesn't make them better than me! The only reason my twins came home was me! But I let them down a few years later and she has not since that they came home thankfully but does that make me a bad person or parent cause I couldn't stay clean?? F**k no it doesn'.... I'm rambling now but just know people who don't know the whole story and that's why I'm here... to tell the truth.... if you read it thank you if you're tired of the truth well I don't give a f**k cause I'm gonna keep speaking the truth cause it's helping me.

Too much fake s**t on Facebook so here's some raw honesty. F**k off if you're tired of me writing and f**k off if you judge. Just know the facts before you judge

You want an honest story or thought? I'm a bad father to all my children but it's my little guy who is on my mind now

My son maddex who is 8 he's the perfect child with little or no help.from me. his mother left me when she was around 2 months pregnant cause she was smart enough to know I'm a mess... she's the best mom.i know next to my mom.. after Maddex was born and I wasn't there for his birth into this world cause I was hurt she left me. In hindsight I know why she did. She knew! But she and her family have been nothing but kind to me even to this day. When I was in the hospital the the last time guess who came to visit me my only visitors were Maddex's grandparent's. Haven't seen them in over 5yrs almost but they came to try and see me....and you know why cause for the first 2 yrs of his life I never put him down. I love that child than anything and they saw it.. they used to tell me to put him down or he'll never learn to walk lol. I couldn't put him down... but my illness and addiction has taken me away from him. My shame and guilt has taken me away from him. My biggest regret will be that he doesn't know how much I love him. I haven't been a good father to my twins but mostly Maddex... and I hope one day he'll realize how much I do love him. The guilt I have about this topic is the main reason I struggle to this day. I love my kids more than anything but in reality have been a bad father to them all especially Maddex. Maddex I'm sorry for everything I haven't done as a father to you. I love you more than you'll ever know

Feeling sad so gonna write...

I was at a mostly Spanish rehab. Spent 8 months there. Met some amazing people there. But even in long term rehabs where after a certain amount of time they give you day passes or weekend passes. When I got my first day pass I didn't know what to do. No family around no friends just me on the streets of seacucus. So I went to the movies for the first time alone. I saw Don't Breath. When I got back my friend Tommy asked me if I brought anything back with me.. meaning he**in. I said nope. He said when I get my first day pass I'm bringing back a bundle for us. I said ok.

2 months later Tommy earned his first day pass.. he told me when he was leaving get ready to have fun tonight. Ain't gonna lie I was so looking forward to it.

At 6 when Tommy was supposed to be back by I'm watching out the window. Here comes Tommy now he just drops the bundle by the window and someone grabbed it. You get stripped and pi**ed tested when you come back but addicts are creative lol. Any way he gives me my bags and we get high. There's 50 men and just like everyone else I got high with Tommy didn't know how to move and it was obvious he was high. So the next morning at the first group the administrator of the rehab said there's people on this room who got high today. If you are one of these people stand up! We will be testing all of you so you better stand up now.. I look around which seemed like forever and nobody stood up. There was like 8 of us that got high. Then I just stood up and noticed my other friend stand the exact same time. The other 6 were asked to leave some went back to jail some went to the streets. Tommy went to the streets and a week later Tommy was dead. My point is if you f**k up but take accountability for your actions and be honest you'll get a second or third or fourth and so on chances to live

One day I was driving home from Paterson smoking Crack and doing dope on the rt 80. It was freezing out like negative 5 with the wind chill... any way I'm in Parsippany in the left lane and I see a statey behind me which is never good... so I was just driving paranoid as f**k cause this cop wasn't passing me. Then I hear this loud bang and I look out the driver side window and see my right front tire just rolling next is my right front tire. .. I pull over to the median and the Statey who saw it happen pulls in front of me. Which has never happened to me. It's negative 5 out and I guess this cop didn't want to get out to even talk to me and I hear on loud speaker stay in your vehicle a tow truck is on its way. So I sit there with all the Crack but the cop is still right there. But I can't resist and I'm just smoking away. Then I see the tow truck pull up and the cop leaves. Guy hooks my car up and hops in. I'm already in the truck and he says to me " that was close huh" I said what was? He's likes come I know an addict when I see one.... I smile. He then asked if I'd share with him so I said f**k and me and the tow truck driver were smoking Crack together on the way home lol

This isn't an honest story but an honest thought.... if a bundle of dope and needle fell from the skies in my lap today I'd be high I promise. This is honest Stories from a Lying Addict and this Is as honest as it get. I won't seek it out or pay an Uber 80 round trip but like I said if it fell from the skies to my lap I'd be f**ked today....

Almost grateful I don't have a car or license today