Autumn Backes

I lost myself.

Not all at once, but slowly.

After Aaron’s accident, survival became the only thing that mattered. My family needed me whole, so I broke myself into pieces to hold them together. And somewhere in that—in the hospital visits, the recovery, the just-getting-through—I stopped being Autumn.

I stopped being the woman who lived for the fire in her chest.
I stopped working out.
I stopped fighting for myself.
I told myself it was temporary.
It wasn’t.
It became my normal.

For six years, thoracic outlet syndrome had me convinced I couldn’t push. That my body was broken. That I had to modify everything. And instead of fighting it, I let it become an excuse. I let it get worse. I let it steal pieces of me—my strength, my sleep, my ability to feel whole. Every limitation I accepted made it harder to show up for my family, for my business, for myself. My cup stayed empty.

And then yesterday, a friend held up a mirror, and I saw someone I didn’t recognize. Someone small. Someone tired. Someone who’d forgotten that taking care of me isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Surgery is scheduled. For the first time in six years, I can see a version of myself on the other side who sleeps through the night. Who lifts without pain. Who doesn’t have to modify her life around her body’s limitations. Who feels like a whole human again.

Last night, I bought my Beachbody subscription back. I took my before pictures.
I’m setting up my next program.
And this morning, I worked out.
And I cried.
Because I’ve missed this feeling so much—that burn, that strength, that version of myself who knows what she’s capable of.

To every mom out there running a work week, running home to your kids, running to their games, their needs, their everything—and then collapsing at the end of the day because there’s nothing left of you.
To every woman telling herself her body’s limitations are permanent excuses.
This is for you.
Today is my day one.
But it’s not a restart.
It’s a reclamation.
It’s me choosing myself.
It’s me healing myself.
And yeah, I’m proud. Really freaking proud.

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You keep saying ‘someday’… but what if someday was THIS summer?

You’re not too busy.
You’re not too broke.
You’re just… not booked yet.

And I get it — life is FULL.
Sports schedules. Work. Laundry. All the things.

But here’s what I also know 👇
The families who travel?
The couples who reconnect?
The moms who FINALLY relax?

They didn’t “find the time” —
👉 they decided they were worth it.

Imagine this instead:
✔️ No cooking
✔️ No cleaning
✔️ Kids entertained
✔️ You with a drink in hand, actually relaxing

That version of you exists.
She just needs a trip on the calendar ✈️

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✨ You just show up

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Lately, the world has felt heavy.

And I hesitate even saying that because I know everyone is carrying something.
But if I’m honest… I feel a lot. I love deeply. I carry deeply. I notice when people are hurting. I absorb rooms. I sit with emotions that aren’t even mine.

And it’s beautiful — but it can also be exhausting.

The everyday decisions. The pivots. The hiccups. The weight of showing up for everyone. It’s felt like a lot.

Yesterday, I honored that.

I admitted I wasn’t fully myself.
Instead of pushing through, I slowed down.

I took a bath.
Listened to my audiobook.
Cleaned and organized my space.
Did a brain dump.
Cried.
Let the feelings come instead of stuffing them down.

In a world that feels heavy, we have to remember to take care of ourselves.

Body check.
Heart check.
Mind check.

Don’t ignore it.
Don’t numb it.
Don’t shame yourself for feeling.

Honor it.
Feel it.
Cry it out.
Then take one small, active step forward.

You’re not weak for feeling deeply.
You’re human.

And sometimes strength looks like softness.

🤍

To my daughter 🤍

As we lay snuggled together after a long day, I looked into your eyes and saw myself.
And it took me back—to being a little girl, to the words I once heard, to the parts of me the world didn’t quite know what to do with.

Too loud.
Too sensitive.
Too stubborn.
Too dramatic.
Too bold.
Too playful.
Too much love.

Those were the same words spoken over me.
And now I understand—they were never warnings. They were glimpses of strength.

You have this beautiful way of taking the mundane and making it extraordinary.
You feel deeply. You love fully. You step into life without fear.

The world may one day try to teach you how to present yourself—how to soften, how to shrink, how to be less.

But my hope is different.

I want to nurture your light.
I want to praise your strength.
I want to protect the parts of you that shine the brightest.

In a world that may try to crush you, I promise to stand guard over your heart.

One day, you’ll see—those “too much” parts will be the reason you rise.

🤍 Mom

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✨ To the Women Who Keep Rising (and to Those Who’ve Faced the Darkest Days):

Life sometimes places what feels like insurmountable obstacles in our path. If you’ve ever felt like the world keeps throwing you challenges or like your journey is harder than most, I want you to know this: you are not alone, and your strength is real.

To those who have faced not just everyday struggles but truly painful experiences—traumas, losses, or moments of darkness that no one should ever have to endure—please know this message is especially for you. I would never wish those hardships on anyone. Yet I believe deeply that you have a resilience and a courage that is bigger than any trauma. You are worthy, you are strong, and you are capable of rising above in your own time and your own way.

Let this be a gentle reminder that even in the hardest seasons, you are never defined by what happened to you. You are defined by the incredible person you are and the strength you show each day. Sometimes, the people who’ve walked through the toughest storms are the ones who light the way for others.

Keep going, keep shining, and know that you are so much more than any obstacle. We’re in this together.