Judy-Jude-Juju

LEFTOVERS

All of my life I have loved left overs. I purposely make extra food so I can have leftovers.

I am going through a season in my life though and left overs are not acceptable!

People deserve so much more than leftovers. I finally see that I do as well. We deserve someone to give us their best. We deserve to have someone's first thoughts. We deserve someone that puts our feelings first, our better well being first, and all around we all want and deserve the first of someone's heart!

A "funny" scenario made me see that I have been accepting leftovers. Last night, my daughter's father came in. He was on the phone, as always. He doesn't acknowledge the baby. He stays on his phone. He tells me he got me food too (not sure why. We aren't together, we do not even speak, and we both are moving as soon as we get places. We are not on friendly terms at all.) He goes upstairs to his room to drop off his food. He stays on the phone. He unsettles the baby from laying down. It is 10:30pm ish. She is now wide awake and up for the ball drop! He takes her upstairs. I remind him she has to be up at 5am. I hear them upstairs. He is back on the phone. She is running wild and throwing things down. I hear him tell her to stop and all, but never does he get off the phone to really visit with her. She eventually wears him down after a half hour. He brings her back to me to start the whole night thing over.

He tells me "my food" is in the fridge for tomorrow, I thank him and tell him it was not necessary, and he goes to his room. This morning, I am getting ready to go to work. I remember he said I had food, so I go to grab it. I look. I don't see anything but leftovers. I just go on about my day and leave them.

He didn't get me food, he game me his leftovers. I am not a petty girl for the most part. I appreciate most effort that anyone is willing to give me. I know life is busy and money does not grown on trees.

BREAKDOWN: The phone-Never in our 3 year relationship has he ever missed a call, text, Facebook post, or anything phone related to see me. Never. I have never had his full fledged attention. I have always had to wait for everything else to get his attention and then I can have what is left over-if he isn't tired.

Still the phone-I don't recall a time that I was ever the only female that he was entertaining. He always had a female waiting for me to not be in the way, if you call it that. He has been known to take females out for and lunches. He texts women all hours of the night. He as several females that were never given boundaries and completely intruded on our relationship. I do not blame the women, he did it. I am fully aware. He would have females out with us and ignore me or even allow them to talk out of turn to me. I definitely allowed myself to not be in the correct spot on the pyramid.

The baby- Even his baby is not getting the proper position of priority in his life. He has no respect for her hours of awake time that he could and should utilize to play with her. He has no issues with waking her up, keeping her up, and not keeping her in routing or structure. He makes his own schedule. He goes in anytime after 10am and gets off when he sees fit. He has no idea of a schedule for himself; let alone a child. It is a sad joke that many of his own people have said, "Its his world, we all just live in it.".

The food-None of this is really about the food. I had already fed my 3 kids (yes, 3-he never offers to feed the 2 that aren't his anymore)and myself. I didn't need to take food for work. I am a caregiver and my client prefers I eat with him.

The food was just my eye opener, my aha, my what the hell moment! It was the wow. I stopped in my tracks. Judy!!! You have always accepted his left overs. Left over priorities. Left over conversation. Left over thoughts. Left over attention. Left over calls. And, now left over food. Wow!

I accepted this. I created the atmosphere that this is ok. And, now he is going to do this to his daughter (like he has all his other children prior to her.

We are humans. We have hearts and souls. We all deserve our relationships, no matter how intimate, to not be full of leftovers. Leftovers will not fulfill us. Most things never taste as great when you are not using the freshest and best ingredients.


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I’ve hated this woman. I’ve not loved her at full capacity. I’ve fed her lies & told her she wasn’t good enough and have allowed others to tell her she wasn't good enough. I’ve allowed her to be broken. I've allowed others to treat her disrespectfully. I’ve allowed her to run through brick walls & battle for others who won’t even stand for her. I couldn’t stop individuals from abandoning her, yet I’ve seen her get up and stand to be a light to the world & love others despite all that. I have stood paralyzed by fear while she fought battles in her mind, heart and soul.

This woman has screwed up many times because she doesn’t always say or do the "right things". She has a smart mouth, and she has secrets. She has scars... because she has a history.

Some people love this woman, some like her, and some people don't care for her at all. Some hate her. She has done good in her life. She has done bad in her life. She is random and sometimes silly. She will not pretend to be someone she is not. She is who she is.

Every mistake, failure, trial, disappointment, success, joy, and achievement has made her the woman she is today. You can love her or not.

This Woman is a WARRIOR. She’s not perfect. Gracefully broken but beautifully standing. She is BRAVE!

Ladies, I dare you to put this on your status, with a picture of yourself, If you’re proud to be who you are