Love the Skin You're In w/ E. Bedell

You hear all the time about the pain that comes with working out. What about the pain that comes from NOT working out?

I get severe cramps in my calves that wrap around my shin bones. The cramps get so bad, it feels like the bone is going to shatter or break in two.

I have also noticed increased pain in my shoulders when I don't exercise.

Are there any pains you have noticed when you don't get exercise each day?

I'm going to let you in on a little secret:

I'm not perfect.(Shhh! Don't tell anybody).

This week has made that clearer than any other. I needed to ask for extra hours ar work, and my car is having "operational" issues (the transmission os slipping).

I could still get to the gym (I think), but I don't know I would have enough time to work out once I got there. This means missing out on the gym again this week.

I will be taking the car to the mechanic soon - hopefully tomorrow morning. Once I know the verdict, I will make plans to get to the gym on time.

Will I ride the bus to and from? That will require leaving work on time. Will my car be repaired? That would make life easier for sure.

I will do what I have to in order to get to the gym again. I miss the feeling of moving my body.

Is this failure? No. It is a setback, but setbacks can be overcome.

Keep moving forward. You can do it. Every day is the chance for a new beginning.

Progress is not based on perfection. Progress comes with never giving up or giving in.

GOAL ACHIEVED!

My diabetes medications have officially been cut in half!

No more insulin!

My A1C is 8.6! There is still room for improvement, but that decrease in my A1C is pretty major!

Headed in the right direction!

"Elevatoo go UP! Elevatoo go DOOWWN!"

I can't say it enough. Listen to your body!

Is my sugar low today? Nope.

Did I kill it in the first exercise class? Yep.

Do I usually participate in two classes on Monday? Yep.

So what happened?

My sugar dropped too fast (not too low - too fast). I was already sweating, so I didn't think of it as a symptom. First noticeable symptom? My legs tried to give way while I got ready for BodyPump.

Did I continue with the class? Nope. I made my apologies, and I am sitting in the lobby waiting for my sugar to stabilize.

In the words of Scarlett O'Hara, "tomorrow is another day."

I hit a major milestone today!

It wasn't weight loss, it wasn't pants size, and it had nothing to do with the mirror.

It appears my body is beginning to do the job it is supposed to do. The reason I was up all night terrified to go to sleep, the reason my blood sugar dropped nine times for a significant amount of time and three times for shorter periods, is because my body is doing a better job of producing its own insulin.

If you take diabetes medication that isn't needed, you risk lowering your blood sugar to dangerous levels. I did that yesterday. My sugar dropped to 54 and below. 54 is dangerous and cabling you in the hospital (among other things).

I ran out of long-acting insulin over a week ago. I was still taking ozempic, glipizide, and jardiance. The doctor took me off all glipizide today. She wants me to continue taking all other medications until I see her on the 26th. I will get the refill of long-acting insulin once it is available at the pharmacy.

She will monitor what happens with the three medications, and there is potential for discontinuing one of those three on the 26th.

THIS is what are the hard work has been for. THIS is why I will continue my fitness journey.

The ultimate goal is to be off ALL medications, but I am willing to start with the medications for diabetes.

I am getting there - one little step at a time.

One thing I have noticed on THIS fitness journey is my poor self-image.

I think I have said this before, but it bears repeating:

"Don't ever let anyone tell you the mirror doesn't lie. It does to ME every day.

I look in the mirror, and I just cannot see where my body has changed at all. Sounds kind of crazy, doesn't it? I mean...I have lost a good amount of weight, my measurements are smaller, and my clothes fit differently, but I just can't see it.

I have tried looking at pictures side-by side even. Nope. I don't see any differences. People around me tell me all the time that THEY can see the change, but not me. That girl in the mirror looks the same today as she did yesterday, and last week, and last month, and last year....She just doesn't change.

The girl in the clothing? SHE feels different.

My shirts, pants, shoes, and all other clothing is loose. I have to wear shirts UNDER my shirts because they fall down in front. Pants that were skin tight are loose in all the areas that matter (my butt and my thighs), and my shoes try to come off during workouts.

These are sone serious changes. Shouldn't I be able to see them in the mirror?

Then again....

This is the same girl I saw in the mirror as a teenager. I wore a size five back then, and I saw the same thing in the mirror that I see today.

Don't use the mirror alone to show you what changes have been made.

The mirror lies.

I have been feeling something lately that I haven't felt in a very long time - true confidence. That confidence has made a huge difference in my life.

There is a confidence that comes with being skinny enough, pretty enough, or any of those other things the world wants you to be. I have felt confident in all those things in the past.

What happens wjen those things fade? Do others still look at you the same? Does your value seem to change? Does the confidence in those things fade as well?

I quit believing in myself. I didn't think I could do it. I was neber going to be pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, rich enough, or any of those things society values.

I was told by those who were supposed to encourage me that I would never succeed. I would be lucky to even finish high school. Tjere was no way I would graduate college. When I did? It still didn't feel good enough.

My motto used to be ,"tell me what I can't do, and I will prove you wrong." That sounds like confidence, right? That was merely survival.

Confidence. True confidence. Working out five days a week because I enjoy it. Watching my blood pressure, blood sugar, and other such numbers go down. Not grabbing a shopping cart any time I walk into a store just so I can use it to support my weight. Walking ans sitting straighter and taller than I ever have before.

Confidence.

Believing, really believing I can do things I have never done before. I CAN become healthier. I CAN save enough to retire on. I CAN go to that foreign country. I CAN start looking forward to things I might enjoy. I CAN look back at all the amazing things I did that I was told I could never do, and see them as successes in my life.

I CAN!!!!

And you can too.

Find that thing that gives you true confidence and run with it.

I no longer watch others doing activities and think, "That could never be me. I will never be able to do that."

The script has changed. "That will be me someday if I keep putting the work in."

I CAN! I WILL!

Do you know that you can today?

Computer crashed this morning?

Jab! Cross! Uppercut!

A paper to be signed (by the supervisor) before the new tenant could sign her lease first thing in the morning?

Uppercut! Uppercut! Hook! Hook!

Have to make changes to the lease after spending two hours getting it signed?

Hook! Hook! Roundhouse!

I'm about to give all that negative energy a smooth knockout punch!

I HIT MY FIRST WEIGHT GOAL!!!! I AM OFFICIALLY UNDER 300 POUNDS!!!

I remember crying the day I realized I weighed over 200 pounds (50 pounds over the weight I was healthiest and most comfortable at).

Today, I am shedding tears of joy because I am finally under 300 pounds.

I know there is still a long way to go. (My next goal is 275), but I am elated!

I refuse to ever weigh so much again that 300 becomes a goal. It has taken a lot to get me here, and weight loss was not the original goal. I have been killing those goals too. My last blood pressure reading was 117/73, and the doctor keeps having to REDUCE my diabetes medications instead of increasing them each month.

I don't know exactly why I am sharing this except to say, " I finally believe in myself and my ability to do things I once thought were impossible." I finally quit listening to the voices (family members) that told me to just give up because "fat" was just part of my genetic makeup.

A kind of funny side note (and I guess a sort of non scale victory) I found my butt. It is no longer that thing that kind of meets with my legs as one big piece of skin. It has its own shape, and you can actually see where my legs end and my butt begins.

That has been a long time coming.

I may not really see the difference when I look in the mirror, but I am beginning to feel the difference.

GOOOOOO....FITNESS JOURNEY AND LIFESTYLE CHANGES!!!!