Sewa’s SVCS

I’m supposed to find something here to help me, exciting yet so complex. Indeed I am, yet not. I don’t blame any of the ones I lost, I blame nobody in fact, I just wish life would have been more simple than it occurred. I walk this path now to find the answers and keys before my time. Only I can seek, time hopefully will reveal. Simply put.

Being honest came with the understandability that not everyone will believe, and as I have stated it prior, manipulation comes from only telling your side of the story. This life, His Story, matters. All of it is relevant, not just how you want to be perceived.

There’s been this dark hole inside of me for a long time, probably since I was in my youth if I’m honestly speaking, and you see; this hole inside of me allowed me to believe I need to live a hate filled life. However, along my journey, I found people who resemble the happy go lucky love that I contemplate and ponder new ideas about daily, and thankfully because of them showing me what to do with that pit of despair, so that love trumps hate day in and out, Thankfully because of them my life was saved a long time ago, yeah I fu**ed up and who doesn’t, but unconditional love changes your life. Remember, I’m the person who gives because I know it blesses my life down the road. Another thing, takers can see a giver. Dual notations I consider when putting one foot in front of the other.

Critical; A State of Being.

Before I have ever chosen to blame somebody else, I found myself in an extreme state of being. I began to ask myself whether or not I chose to do something that did not align with my preferences, or personal boundaries. Often times I found myself in deep contemplative states, that allowed me to discover and navigate my sense of existence. A common theme of these contemplative states was that I seemed to have allowed circumstances of which I never wished to engage in.

More often than not, I circumvented and discovered that in those moments of regret, or remorse, that I had participated in choices that allowed this "chaos" to reign within. Many a times I pondered about the circumstances; which left me feeling distorted and jaded, in the fact that I could have done something to prevent what had occurred, and felt the epitome of delusion. Why that is important, is irrelevant to your situation, and lifestyle today.

You see, for persons like me it is unbearable to break the trust of those whom I love and entitle an amount of trust with the person I choose to be. It is not in my interest, nor benefit, to harm a hair on anyone, nor any being in the lifetime I admire, and have been bestowed with in this gift of existence that I dwell within today. There is no excuse, nor seemingly no reason, to be/ or embody a level of retardation. More often than not, I come across challenges that I perceive to be the case. Why is it that I cannot come to grips of the boundaries I set within? Why must I choose to be the same likeness of those who push me into a state of that which exists of the same category?

The answers to these many questions I hurl into oblivion, and that I challenge myself to face, remains a distinctive mystery. Yet, I continually choose to offer the better parts of myself to those whom I come across. A conundrum in the multitudes, that appear to be a part of maturing. Perhaps it would be wiser to choose the latter, and therefore set adrift in the habits and behaviors like those who I despise and disdain.

But you see, I am not like many you meet nor come across. I cannot fathom the likeness in due part to my upbringing, let alone the level of stability that I have come to know as the Adult that I am. Never will I find it necessary to cast permanent judgement on those who take a liking to my kindness. And never will I find cause for repeating the character of those that I lack trust in.

I am a giver of life, a harbinger of light, and a demolisher of unjustified retalition.

I once went by the name of "Doc" because I wanted to dissect the anatomy of demonic intuition. However, As "Sewa", I decide when and where to "cut someone off" of my generosity. What I have and hold, which is what is to share, in the life I have been given, by the grace of God, and only God; is determined by a level of critical awareness.

If and when you find yourself on the receiving end of my own lack of communication, begin with the question of why wouldn't someone who has been through and experienced so much circumstances, feel like they can't and/or won't trust me.

Critical of myself, and my personal notations help me decide who I should keep in the small circle of persons I trust. If you made it this far, and my number responds with a message, a number that is unchanging, ask yourself what it is that I find trustworthy. Because so many people, if not hundred, if not plenty, have my line of communication, yet the ones I respond to post haste, are the ones I believe can do great things in life.

To the outsider looking in, with the help of your goons and goblins, just remember that regardless of who you perceive yourself to be, If I choose not to respond, its more than likely that I don't have anything more to offer to you. I have tried to teach you about the unconditional love of our supreme lord, and you have denied it, and carried on with your own personal delusion. So, stay the f**k away from me, you grimey ass mother f**ken piece of s**t. You disgust me because I entrusted you with my soul, and you took it for granted, which led to the circumstance of our relationship.

Regards,

The Real Me

OBSOLETE

Sitting there, feeling unseen
Is what caused a scene
Which now, causes me to feel obscene

I tried to sway the direction
Instead became a reflection
Which led to our intersection

I went left
You went right
As time flew by, beyond the horizon, you fell out of sight

As much as I pained
Nothing was gained
Yet, in the shadows a heart was tamed

Whether it yours
Or weathered is mine
It just so happens, we cannot turn back time

Imagine for a second; you continue to stand for what you believe in. You draw boundary lines in the sand so that people are aware not to step over you in circumstances that make you uncomfortable, And then said boundaries are mocked, repeatedly, and your comfort isn’t considered by those who claim to love you or consider you family or friend. Imagine again; the dismissal of you as a human being; not only because of the labels they put on you as a person, but also because observing the same repetition has left scars on your sanity; and people get tired of having to own up to their actions. They tell you it was a mistake; or that it will never happen again; and then you watch it replay. How would you react? Let me answer that for you; you would react as if it’s an eye for an eye; your bloodlust overflowing in anticipation of exacting the same wrongdoing that you had to endure. Leaving the entirety of your community blind. I stand here tonight again in complete contempt for what my fellowships have become and what they exist as today. In the most laymen’s terms that I could put it in order for your du***ss to understand: you f**k me over yet I forgive and forget; until I no longer choose to engage in said repetition. F**k off, y’all need to seek a relationship with God; because those who lead you in this moment in time, are sick individuals who don’t even have a clue where they are headed: you told me I’m crazy, naw f**k that homie You are just a piece of s**t human who doesn’t yet realize that there is a fork of opportunity in the road, yet you continue to stand on the easy route and play dumb. Simply put, f**k the f**k off.

Nothing about me is “Normal” Everything about me is Extraordinary :Keyword being 3xtra

I don’t apologize for who I am, nor beg no Pardons. A plethora of individuals have known or do know, trust/or have entrusted within me, and relied on my ethics, my opinions , my values, and my beliefs.
Whatever happens in my life I am accountable for, and responsibility is my forte. Even when I’m sick I know when to pay the bills, but I still go to extremes. No need to describe them, that’s my responsibility, please resist the urges to cast judgment on me publicly, you will be held accountable for your opinion of me. Because Borderline Personality Disorder, is intense! Because I hold a standard for the small circle I keep, those who have experienced my honesty, know/ have known; I take what happens to me in life more serious than you could imagine. Can you possibly do something within to understand this? If you can’t please just stay the f**k away from me. Including me in your daily life comes with everything I experience , and now an overactive imagination of what could happen based on what occurred in my life, in the past; with which is now occurring presently. I am intrigued by language arts, baby you already know that!

Sherb is a gorgeous clone

Next run We shall call her Sherb