Love the Skin You're In w/ E. Bedell

One thing I have been working on is my rewards / celebration mindset. I don't know about you, but rewards / celebrations in my life always revolved around food.

"Book It" program? pizza from Pizza Hut. When I was younger? Meals from Carl's Jr. There were a few teachers that let us choose little gifts out of a treasure chest or treated us with gift certificates for a local book store. They could be save up and all spent together.

It was the same thing with family. Celebrations always revolved around food. There were too many of us to celebrate with little gifts or even trinkets. Food was always the cheapest and easiest reward, and we could all celebrate together.

I have started finding other ways to celebrate. I no longer find it necessary to go out sonewhere to eat.

I buy myself new clothes, buy a perfume that reminds me of my daughter, buy things that make organizing the house easier, put some money in savings so I can get something better next time....

What are some things you do to celebrate? Can you think of / recommend any other non-food rewards?

I am sometimes extremely real and vulnerable with who I am and where I have been.

Today will be one of those days as I talk about two facts that deeply impacted my life.

1) What you are told as a child can create psychological harm AND become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

From a very early age (4? 5?, maybe 6), I was told I was going to be fat just like my great-grandmother. To understand that statement, you would need to know she was the epitome of "debilitating" fat. She suffered from manic/depression for as long as I knew her, and the stories I heard indicate it was MUCH longer than that. Even on her good days, her weight made it difficult for her to get out of bed.

2) People tend to believe that if you are fat now, you have always been fat. That has not always been true in my case. Life truly happened.

I lost most of the weight I gained after I got pregnant and had my daughter. The same was not true with my son. I had started losing the weight, but he died six weeks after he was born. I fell into the DEEPEST depression and ended up "eating my emotions." It was only after I saw a picture of myself years after his death that I realized how much weight I had gained.

You will find several pictures of me below. In every one of these pictures, I thought I was SUPER fat. The person I saw in the mirror was SUPER fat, because that is who I was told I was and who I was told I would become.

Excuses I had for not going to the gym the past couple weeks(and how I overcame them).

Excuse: My left knee hurts.

Answer: There are plenty of low-impact, even no-impact, options at the gym. Find something you can do until your knee gets better.

Excuse: My car broke down. How would I even get there?

Answer: You live in a town filled with public transportation options. Find the option that works best for you and get there.

Excuse: It's been too long. I am sure I gained a ton of weight. I don't want to start all over again.

Answer: You are just gonna keep gaining weight if you don't go back. Look at how hard you worked to get under 300 pounds. You aren't starting from the beginning; you weigh less now than you did at the beginning. Get in there and do it!

Results?

People I have gotten to know at the gym welcomed me with open arms. I was told how much people missed me and worried about me.

By the way, the weight I thought I gained? I didn't. I lost three more pounds. Staying active and watching my food intake kept me on track.

There was a time in my life all of those excuses would have been valid. I couldn't get to a gym, and my health kept me from really working out. That isn't the case anymore, so I won't let that be what brings me down.

I found a content creator who modifies different exercises, or provides alternatives, for different fitness levels.

What are some answers you have given that Negative Nelly that resides in your head?

Keep on keeping on. We are all in this together.

I cannot. WAIT to get back in the gym. I am hoping for next week at the latest.

Last week was NOT the business. I was finally going to go back when my car decided it wasn't going ANYWHERE. I probably still could have gotten to the gym if I didn't injur my knee trying to get up in the tow truck.

Let me just say that would have been an excellent video for Funniest Home Videos. I am glad I lost almost 50 pounds recently. I could never have gotten into the truck if I hadn't.

Sometime this week, I will find out if I still have a car. I will be going back to the gym regardless. I have learned that there is a bus that goes almost directly to the gym and almost directly to my house. It runs late enough that I can take the classes I enjoy so much.

I guess it is true what they say:

"Where there's a will, there's a way."

Losing weight and slimming down does not mean automatic happiness with your appearance.

Most days, the only indication I have that my body has changed is the fit of my clothes.

I don't see it in the mirror, and I don't get on the scale every day.

I am always surprised when clothes fit me loosely or properly. I bought a pair of pants this week that I was certain I would habe to squeeze into. They fit me just right.

I pulled a shirt out of the closet that always fits tight around my waist. It os flowing a bit today.

It is so hard to remind myself the mirror is a liar. I have to give myself this reminder every day. My body is changing, and I NEED to realize it.

You hear all the time about the pain that comes with working out. What about the pain that comes from NOT working out?

I get severe cramps in my calves that wrap around my shin bones. The cramps get so bad, it feels like the bone is going to shatter or break in two.

I have also noticed increased pain in my shoulders when I don't exercise.

Are there any pains you have noticed when you don't get exercise each day?

I'm going to let you in on a little secret:

I'm not perfect.(Shhh! Don't tell anybody).

This week has made that clearer than any other. I needed to ask for extra hours ar work, and my car is having "operational" issues (the transmission os slipping).

I could still get to the gym (I think), but I don't know I would have enough time to work out once I got there. This means missing out on the gym again this week.

I will be taking the car to the mechanic soon - hopefully tomorrow morning. Once I know the verdict, I will make plans to get to the gym on time.

Will I ride the bus to and from? That will require leaving work on time. Will my car be repaired? That would make life easier for sure.

I will do what I have to in order to get to the gym again. I miss the feeling of moving my body.

Is this failure? No. It is a setback, but setbacks can be overcome.

Keep moving forward. You can do it. Every day is the chance for a new beginning.

Progress is not based on perfection. Progress comes with never giving up or giving in.

GOAL ACHIEVED!

My diabetes medications have officially been cut in half!

No more insulin!

My A1C is 8.6! There is still room for improvement, but that decrease in my A1C is pretty major!

Headed in the right direction!