Salty Heifer Salon

I’m so relieved it’s Friday. Just today and a few decades of work left, and I’m done!

Salty Heifer as a therapist:
Whenever you feel sad and lonely, don’t forget that you’re also ugly and poor.

Lord please take the gas out of my stomach and put it into my motorcycle

Me: Finally I have some savings built up!
Dryer: oh that’s so awes-*dies*

Dear God, please let me start hating cake, Amen.

I bet nobody’s laughing at the Amish now… They’re clippity-clacking right past the gas station.

People who are enjoying this heat… You’re sick freaks. I’m melting

My hurricane tip:
Before it starts, write down all the things you love about your spouse/children. It will be really hard to remember after 72 hours without power.

Thank you everyone for making my birthday special 💝