Silent Pain , Silent Mourning

I think too much time alone doesn’t help in time of grief… so they tell
Me. But, I find being alone and trying to “move on”, I hate those two words! It never makes sense for me. My whole
“Move On” is still stuck on one of. My Bestest of Friends was killed by an idiot who slammed into him and let him fly through the air and hit the ground broken..this idiot just kept going. The worst week of my life.During this time, waiting to hear if he was improving or not was hell. My Mom and I never had the best of mom and daughter relationship. But, at this time, a senior in high school(I think), the man I loved was dying and I couldn’t be near. Him. My Mom must have figured it out because she called me with updates all day. We were talking back in forth all day. She was at work and I was at home and she was at work. Never would I have imagined we would be connecting. But, looking back at it, she was there for me. When he passed, she was ther to hold me up as we walked to his casket. I wanted to just join him. My world was shot. Mom was there. …. More at a later date. Thanks for listening, if you’re interested in my script, let me know. One word? Should I Knox this whole grief thing and do something else? All comments are accepted. Time for bed.

Amen 😔

I’ve been up since 3:00 am just staring at nothing. My head is pounding . Too much in there. I went outside and tried to collect my thoughts. Epic fail. My ears are ringing at its loudest every time I move. I am trying like hell to switch off my thoughts. Once it’s out, I can only let it and my heart goes right to my feet. Could you miss someone so much that it really hurts? I mean hurts. I tore apart my room yesterday! Bad idea. All I wanted to do and did do was take all the things that was clutter my bed and put it on the floor! Until I have that urge again, that’s where it will be. This is my life. Just floating. It may not make sense to some people , but depression makes you do weird things.Now I want to sleep. It’s 6:23 . I have been trying to find a door that will put that spark back in my life. I’ll get there, I always do. Take it easy folks. Thanks for listening . Peace

Bad day… talk later.