Deleese Pryor

Oh, wow. It's amazing the memories that a single picture can bring. Eight years ago, I was a single mom with six babies and just one semester away from graduating nursing school. This photo was taken at the home of one of Anna Cat's favorite teachers, Paula Burkhalter, who was one of the many, many angels God placed in our lives at that time.

There's a distinct irony seeing us smiling and all dressed up in front of the tree, knowing the drama (and trauma) that comprised our lives at the time. If you haven't lived it personally, there's probably no way to understand what it's like to attempt to extricate yourself from a marriage to a crazy, abusive monster - all the while trying desperately to maintain some sense of normalcy for the children you had with him. Throw nursing school on top of that, and every breath becomes a prayer for sanity, grace and the strength to just do the next thing.

The me in this picture may look all "together," but the reality is I was a frazzled mess trying to hold the threads of my life together so as not to come completely undone. The me in this picture had no way of seeing eight years down the road... and what life would look like now. I had no idea that I would be happily, gratefully married to a man who loves us as his own. No idea that the kids' bio-dad would have opted out of their lives for over six years. No idea that the same excuse for humanity would eventually abdicate his parental rights so that he wouldn't have to pay child support.. No idea that my children would have the opportunity to be formally adopted by the man who has already invested himself in them unconditionally..

ADOPTED.

While the older kids acknowledged, briefly, the poignant sting of what it must feel like to be disowned (even I can't fathom this), it is by far overshadowed by the knowledge that THIS Christmas their biggest present will be the process of being officially grafted into the Pryor family - complete with the Pryor name. No longer will they have to explain to other kids why their last name is different. No longer will they have a legal affiliation with a monster who did unthinkable things to his family. No longer will they have to worry whether he might suddenly reappear with a "legal right" to take them away - for any period of time..

Eight years ago at Christmas, I was struggling to survive. Instead of giving to those in need, we were the humble recipients. This year, we celebrate a new kind of Peace on Earth. We get to be on the giving side. If only the *me then could have known the HOPE of now. The message I would convey to any woman who finds herself on the journey out of domestic violence is this: hang in there, don't stop, do the next thing, accept help, seek out resources, be safe, and never ever EVER give up.

Discussion on KLOVE radio this morning takes my thoughts back to a Christmas about eight years ago. I was a single mom in nursing school with six kiddos who hadn't had their own beds since they were too young to remember (babies). It's difficult to put into words what it meant when a group of four families came together & provided three sets of bunk beds. Plus, each child got their own tie-together blanket in themes/colors that were special to them. My heart can hardly bear to remember what life was like in those days, but I will always possess immense, unspeakable gratitude for those angel-friends..

In a recent interview, when asked what surprises him most, this Tibetan Buddhist Monk's response provides all of us with some practical thought.

He said, “Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” - The Dalai Lama

Here's my oily story. Not very traditional, but no oily story is! I first heard about essential oils about 15 years ago on a talk show. Two well-known individuals were being interviewed about their experiences with terminal cancer. When asked about what had best managed their pain, one man responded, “Aromatherapy.” I was shocked. I remember thinking, How on earth can a smell have any effect on someone’s pain?? Fast forward to a year ago, my massage therapist began talking to me about essential oils. She told me how important it was to make sure the label read “Certified 100% Therapeutic” (or something like that).

At my local health food store, I deliberated over oils of various sizes, brands and price ranges. They all had “the label.” I made what I thought was a good selection and bought two. I liked the way they smelled. I wasn’t really expecting any health benefits, so I wasn’t surprised when they didn’t deliver any.

Then my sister began telling me about Young Living Essential Oils. I heard all kinds of “too-good-to-be-true’ stories about how they helped people with health issues. (Yes, I was a skeptic.) When she wouldn’t quit talking about them, I finally said what the heck – why not try ‘em.

So I got online and ordered Young Living’s Premium Starter Kit and added Progessence Plus for hormone support. After using them for a month, I began noticing that my legs were no longer squirmy at night - huge for me. I was sleeping a LOT better!

If you or someone you know would like to support your own health and wellness naturally, I would encourage you to try Young Living Essential Oils. And if you'd like more info, feel free to reach out to me here! :)

My heart is heavy for those affected by the Ft. Hood shooting today.. Such a senseless tragedy! :(

"Stifled."

What comes to mind when you think about that word?

I think of the last 15-20 years of my life. Why? Abuse can affect you that way. If I heard it once, I heard it a million times:

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANNA WASTE MY TIME, YOUR TIME AND EVERYBODY ELSE'S TIME?!!!"

This, shouted with venom-laced emotion that was scary-cruel. This, from the man that I loved & had promised to stay with "till death do us part." This, in response to my pleas for professional help, for counseling, for change, for the abuse to stop – pleas for him to just be "nice" to me.

I apologize to those of you who don't like being screamed at in all-caps – I didn't like being screamed at either. And I never wanted to waste anyone's time – I just wanted things to be better, live-able, our family to somehow be salvaged... I'd accepted the *fact that I had somehow become worse than worthless – but what about the sake of the babies? Weren't THEY worth that change??

Fast-forward to the present.. The tedious, pain-staking, gut-wrenching divorce was final 7 years ago. Never did I think I would EVER marry again. I mean, if that's what "Christian" men were like, I wanted NO part of it. Combine that with the fact that broken women tend to continue to gravitate toward abusive relationships – yeah, NO. God had a different idea though and completed our family with Dave, the awesomest man on the planet.

"So she lived happily ever after!"

Umm, no. She didn't. Is she happily married? YES. Does she consider herself to be beyond blessed? Absolutely! Are her children the better for it? By FAR. Do I have to worry about what might happen to me in the middle of the night? Never! So what's wrong?

I still hear "the words."

I'm still afraid of wasting people's time..

I still retreat, withdraw, recoil.

To some, I might even seem unfriendly.

This is what I think when I think of the word "stifled." And this page is part of my trek toward "coming back out" to the world. I feel like my voice is tiny. In person, you might see me shaking.. But for some reason, I feel like it’s just "time."

(And don't worry – not all of my posts will be this heavy. Or long.:)

Just a quick post to let you all know that I've been thinking of you & hope your day is extra-blessed!! Thank you for being a part of my life!:)

Throw back [today]... I took care of not one, but two patients (and their families) today whose social dynamics totally reminded me of my "former" life.. Any of you have this happen?? How did you respond?

Good morning, friends! Almost time for me to clock in & already I've seen two ambulances arrive since I've parked.. Just a reminder that I'm glad to be on *this side of the stretcher – and not in it. Grateful for health & healing today!